Hey, im new here, so ijunno if this is gunna work or not, but i need help/support from SOMEONE.i just turned 17 today, and it doesnt feel like a day for celebrating. ever since i was like 12, i have been made fun of for various reasons like i was too fat, or i slurred my words, or w/e. it continueed on and on with me pretending it didnt bother me, and the in grade 8 i tried to commit suicide by dropping somewhere around 300 lbs on my throat. my brother caught me just before it happned, and he told me that he was gunna tell my parents. he didnt end up doing it, but he still looks at me weird. lately tho, all of these things that people say to mehave been getting worse. like, because i have long hair and wear black alot, i get razors thrown at me in the halls. their frequently paired up with "cut your hair of cut ypour wrists", "go end you life you emo f*gg*t" or the silent "slashing" movements on their wrists. my life has been in the crapper lately too. its not anything that would seem TOO serious, but it all came at one time. my gf of almost two years tried to cheat on me woth a buddy from my football team, all my friends are potheads (and i dont go for tht, srry), my grandpa passed away a little pover a week ago, my grades are sucking, we might have to move to the middle of nowhere because my dad got laid off, i had threats of stabbings and shootings directed at me beacuse i broke up wiht my gf, and ya. so two days ago, i cut myself. it wasnt too big at first, but it became bigger and deeper as i sat there and continued to carve my hand. i used a knife hat my grandpa gave me for "protection". i guess thats what i used it for...i just feel that everything in my life is outta my control, and i need a way to get back in control, or at least feel like it. last night i used the blade form an exacto knife to "draw" a face with and "X" over its mouth on one leg and another one on the other leg. it felt like i was in contro; again, but i wasnt. i just crashed like two minutes after i putt the blade away. i need help, in any way shapoe or form. i cant go to my parents because they want to kick me out already, (i wrote a bunch of poems on suicide and cutting and such, accidentally left them out, and they read them). i dont want everyone to think that im a creep and that i mwant to end my life, because i dont (right now, at least). if i ever wanted to do that, i ould tell someone and get help, because thats just not worth it. pls, can someone help me?

my email is lineman_666@hotmail.com
please email me, since i dont know how to check stuff on here....Landfill

people can be such idiots sometimes. i don't think they reallize how serious some problems rly are. i mean i don't want to say that none of them have serious problems bcuz usually everyone has something, but if they're doing some of the stuff you said they were doing than they obviously don't know what it's like at all. just know that you're not alone even though it seems like it and i don't rly know what to say except for good luck.

Hey, I hope you can see this since you're not familiar with message boards. If not, I might take you up on that email offer.

I was lucky enough to find a therapist who I clicked with ( she was an art therapist ). But the first thing you should do is tell your guidance counselor at school. Yes, they are required to tell your family if you're hurting yourself, but someone should be told about this!

If nothing else, express to them what your peers are doing. That's absolutely wrong, and something should be done. I can't believe that high school kids are that immature, but maybe my peers were just mature..

If you're cutting, for the first time at seventeen, that's oddly a good sign. Most people start earlier ( I began in seventh grade ). It shows you have some form of self control to make it longer than most teens. You say you write poetry? Great! Keep writing. Whenever you feel like picking up a blade, pick up a pen. You don't even have to write, you can scribble or something. You could cut holes in a notebook you don't use. It's not your skin. Find something you enjoy. Do you still play football? When you're depressed, do something football oriented. I know riding my bike as far and as fast as I could helped me. Do you play an instrument? You could try doing that. Playing drums helps my little brother with a lot of his problems.

I don't know what else to suggest; I hope this could help.