It's been a month since my boyfriend and I have been together. I'm very happy. I already love him....I actually feel he's the best I've ever had.
My problem being, like the title says it, that he is religious. To be specific, a Christian. You all know I'm agnostic and against organized religion.
That I could deal with. We manage to not force our beliefs onto each other and respect our views.
It's how it affects him and me. For example, I find sex a very important part in a relationship; he wants to wait until marriage (or when he knows he will marry the girl). I plan to have sex with him eventually (before marriage), he's not that sure. We're attracted to each other and the like, but he wants to avoid all sexual content, oral sex included. Call me a pervert, but I feel like I actually need sex to be fully happy in a relationship. I find sex very bonding in a spiritual/loving sense, he finds it very bonding when you have a wedding ring in your finger. I'm rather frustrated at this. Not because I know I can't live without sleeping with him, but because I'm afraid I might do something stupid in the future because of that.
I've never been in a relationship where everything sexual has been excluded. I don't know how it's human to date someone without some form of sexuality; I find it abnormal and against nature.
Another issue we clash on is marriage/family. Not that it's a huge concern now (considering we're both young), but he wants to get married someday. I think it'll be a miracle if I do. He wants lots of kids, I want to have only one and adopt a few. I don't have family as a priority, he does.
We don't put much importance to those things, but I'm afraid they might affect us in the future, considering it looks like we'll be together for a while.
I'd like to know if anyone has been in a similar situation, or if you have any advice on what to do about it, how to not let it affect us, etc.
"Regardless, I have always, and will always, succeed."
It's worked out fine, actually. The reason being I'm very open to learning everything he can possibly teach me, hell, if he ever invites me to church, I'm going. I'm very curious as to know what his religion is like (because I've only dealt with Catholics, Protestants, and Jehova's Witnesses who were all fanatics), don't mind at all.
On sketchier issues, abortion/gay marriage, etc, we don't discuss them much. We have, but it's not a frequent topic.
The sex before marriage has fallen down to this: he won't have sex until he's sure he'll eventually marry her. I'd comment on that, but it looks waaaay into the future....
"Regardless, I have always, and will always, succeed."
the way I see it (blanket statment sometimes people with diff religion can make it work) that if you have Oxen your oxen must be going in the same dircetion to make those two oxen effective if one is going left and one is going right then there will be no progress. what all that means is it is important to find someone who (in many matters including matters of spirit) is going the same way you are and thus you'll both be more effective. But as stated above this is in general if the one you can make it work with is a buddist and your say jewish go for it.
"The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done"."
If he wants to wait until I'm sixteen, I'll honestly take him. He's my kind of man. If he'd convert to being LDS (Mormon) he'd be MINE. But I think you love him.
Just because nobody understands you, that doesn't mean you're artistic.
Originally posted by CelticNewAger: Long story short:
His hormones did not betray him.
Just trust me on that one.
Wow. I'm impressed with this guy.
Ditto, he sounds like my kind of guy...hee hee, if you don't want him I'll take him Celtic. JK.
Seriously though, I wouldn't push him as far as sex goes, maybe it would be good for both of you if you could try and do like Sho is. Although, truthfully, I'm not sure if he's the one for you...it sounds like you differ on some major things. But then it's your life.
quote:
Allow me to translate this idiotic piece of writing.
Wow, thanks risika, it was giving me a headache trying to translate it.
xSHORTYx, learn to type properly, I beg you.
"I know of no safe repository of the ultimate power of society but the people. And if we think them not enlightened enough, the remedy is not to take power from them, but to inform them by education." Thomas Jefferson
I wish there was a simple answer to this one. I've been dating a virgin for six months, and sexual things between us are complicated. He wants to stay that way, and in the beginning, I struggled a lot with the competition my desire to be with him and my...well, hornyness.
I used to think the only way I could make a guy happy was to please him. Actually, I probably still do, this one is just an exception. He's amazing.
Things are improving. We're both finding middle ground. He's becoming more sexual, and I'm learning ways to make a boy happy that don't involve my body. I think we're teaching each other as we go, and that brings us closer together than ever.
Before I started dating him, I was a partier. Now, I rarely even go out. I've gotten more serious about studying (he's super smart), and this sounds really cheesy and stupid, but when I'm not doing homework, I'm with him. My life sounds more boring, but on the plus side, there's no more of this waking up and feeling like, "Where am I? Who's next to me? What happened last night?" I do much fewer things I regret.
So, uh, back to my advice. You shouldn't pressure him sexually too much, but feel free to be sexy. If he wants you, in time, he'll come around. And in the meantime, enjoy yourself! There are lots of opportunities that a less sexual relationship provides that you kind of ... miss when all you do is **** like rabbits. Take a picnic to a park. Climb into his bed in the morning and just cuddle. Have a poker night, and maybe you can turn it into strip poker... ^~
I know you haven't been together that long, but have you given thought to what will happen, should you choose to have children (or adopt)? What religion (or non-religion) they'd be brought up with? Just a question.
Also, just out of curiousity, did you know he was a Christian before you began seriously dating? Or did this come about in conversation?
I'm not sure I can give great advice on this, mostly because you seem to love him more than I've loved my boyfriends. Normally I'd suggest a compromise, but most people aren't willing to compromise their religious belief.
Honestly? I put as much importance on sex as you do, and you'd be a helluva a lot stronger than I am if you can stay with him despite no sexual contact. But if you're not really getting what you want, wholly, (and he is) in this relationship, does your love for him override that?
It's almost like a role reversal in this relationship; he doesn't want it, but you do. According to our stereotypical society, you are being more of the man, and he is being more of the woman.
And for some reason I have this mentality that if you want to keep a guy with you, you must have sex with him. Although I know that's not always the case.
"Regardless, I have always, and will always, succeed."
Celtic, I don't mean to put you down, but were you ever molested or raped? Your relationships seem sex-driven, and so it seems to me you may have underlying issues with a past, forced sexual contact.
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