As some of you know (which I will now say and not care what I get for it) I have dated (serisouly dating, not for sex) various men....in their 30s. I quit doing this a year ago, because it was just too much to have to hide my 30-something year old boyfriend and it stressed me out. Plus, it was illegal and he'd be arrested if caught.

The problem is that now I've met a great human being who I'm extremely compatible with...but he's in his early 20s. It's still illegal and taboo in society. Plus, I'm not very keen on the idea of being with older men again.

So, my question is, should I go for this guy? Should I keep on with the "no more older men" thing? Or what?

I'm 16 in a few days by the way...I'm not 18 or 17 or anything. And this isn't a crush from afar I have. He has told me, in grand detail, that he near loves me as well.

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Anyway, whether you are or not, the important idea is that you can see how this person really is, how he responds to crisis. This will show you how he really is inside - and if you see abuse, or something not right, get out.

He always suggested being careful, but follow the heart as well.

Yes, we fought yesterday. 'Twas solved though.

No, seriously, it wasn't me. I'm 18, for crying out loud!

This was from a youth pastor in our area. He is still married, btw, and his wife is expecting again.

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lifetime commitments with someone until you've had a big fight.

Heh. I can see why the marriage didn't last.

Did you two have a big fight?

If you want my input, I think (this is from someone who has dated many times and has been married for a while - not me, of course) that you should wait to make lifetime commitments with someone until you've had a big fight.

Anyway, whether you are or not, the important idea is that you can see how this person really is, how he responds to crisis. This will show you how he really is inside - and if you see abuse, or something not right, get out.

But don't try to egg him on just to test him. That may backfire. If you both are giving in the relationship, you will have a fight. It is natural for two different people who decide to be close to one another while allowing each other to affect their emotions to have differences.

I don't know what you should do. Love and infatuation are weird subjects to get involved in.

That's good Celtic! Im glad everything is going good.

Update: We decided to give it a try, as in dating. Has gone beautiful for now. Mom likes him, I adore him, no fights.

I am only hoping the neighbors won't get nozy and report anything (no, I don't do it in public or anything, but if he hug or kiss, like that).

What is the most that can be done if seen together in public? As far as they know it could be your older brother, cousin, friend,etc. As I said before the law may be against but it comes down to it, it's the parents final decision on what happens. (here anyways)

I mean hiding as in not being to able to go out in public places and such.

If your moms fine with it, then what is there to hide from? Here in Ohio (possibly else where) It is illegal but it is up to the parents to press charges on the adult. If the parent decides not to then there is nothing more the law can do.

My advice is to go for it. From what I've gathered of you, you're an excellent judge of character and would make sure you had a full understanding of a guy's motives before you got involved with him. If you really like each other that much, I don't see why you should let a societal norm stand in your way.

Sure, it's illegal, but it's a victimless crime. And my stance on victimless crimes has always been that they're perfectly fine unless you get busted. The guys in these situations almost never get caught unless the girl's parents are determined to catch them. You've got your Mom's support, and that alone turns down the danger factor by about 1000%.

As for it being embarassing or awkward, my advice is just try not to care, but that's obviously a lot easier said than done. Only you can determine whether the discomfort that would arise from the awkwardnesses of social situations is worth not proceeding.

But overall, based on what I've heard, I vote yay. And I apologize if this was really incoherent, as I wrote it at 3 a.m.

Lets see pros - ur moms fine with it that means every body that really counts is fine with it . u have experience so its not like a crush thing . he is relatively young considering he is in the early 20s . he likes you- you like him . he is a great guy .
Cons- embaressing questions but you dont sound like the type to worry about that .

question - how illegal is it . I mean its not like anybody is pressing charges right??

I have dated more older men than younger men, but not by a lot.

The thing is that we've already had that akward "I care about you so much and blah blah blah" talk. So both of us want to date. Mom's fine with it as he's only in his early 20s and he's a great guy and all that.

I just don't want, to "hide" anything. But I'd have to. So I'm kinda stuck.

How many younger guyz have you dated . I mean comparing could you give a proportion??

I'm pretty sure that in my state, it's legal once you turn 16. Hmm.

I think early twenties should be okay. Only you know for sure, though. I think you've learned from your past, and I think you have a better judgement of people's motives now. Just, please, make sure he isn't trying to take advantage of you. Take a good look at your relationship with this person from the outside. If your best friends or family don't think it's a good idea, you should seriously consider what they say. They know you a lot better than I do.

About it being illegal, you have to be extremely careful. If the law where you live is 18, than both of you have to decided if you want to take the risk, because he could get in a lot of trouble if you two have sex, though I'm sure you already realize that.

*Hug for Arian*. I wish you luck in making the right decision.

It's not illegal to date, just sex. I think you need to weigh the pros and cons. Who will it be that gets mad and do you really care? Obviously your parents would play a big part in whether or not you could date him. It's really about whether it's more trouble than it's worth.All these people will still be around in 2 years when it's legal.

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But why is it illegal for me to love?

It's illegal because people decided to put restrictions on what's right and wrong dating wise. Overall, I think it's a good idea.... most of the time. It's supposed to prootect youth from being prayed on by old people in it for sex, what they failed to consider was that age isn't a barrier for everyone, and obviously isn't for someone like you. Like many other things, in theory it's good, but not always in practicallity.

In what ever you decide on the subject, I'm sure it'll be the right decision for the situation.

It's never legal

But why is it illegal for me to love?

Illegal? When is it LEGAL?

I think that this is a question that you should really ask yourself. He is older but it's not as bad as dating a 30 yr old again. You need to ask yourself if this guy is worth it, and if this guy is any exception. If you feel that he is then you should go for it but if you have doubts and concerns then don't risk anything. You may be illegal to date and do sexual things with but having a good friend is never illegal.

I really don't know if Im making sense today. I hope that helped some.