Hi, My name is Keaton, im 16 and a Junior in Highschool. My main problem is getting in a relationship. Last on i was in was in 7th Grade and it lasted for 6 or 7 months. i loved her dearly and at the time i wanted to marry her. But me being a young kid didn't know what i really wanted and things were shotting through my mind. She cut her wrists at the time and so did I. We had a good relationship till it all came crumbling down one day i was absent from school.

A good friend of mine told her that she could have done better and done out with him. But she hated the kid, or so i thought, so i wasn't worried. but i was pissed, so pissed i hooked up with some of my friends, we searched for him all over campus and when we finally found him, i beat the living snot out of him. That day our relationship took a 180 and headed down hill. We almost never talked, and when we did it was through a note she gave me everyday after 5th hour.

Things went on for another month, then school ended. We ended up breaking up during summer break that year. I was really hurt because i loved her so much. and i attempted suicide. Once was with my fathers gun but me being a dumb ass didn't know exactly what to do and my father tackled me and called 911. I was in a mental lockin place in Scottsdale Arionza for a couple weeks then saw a counsiler for like a year. all i really said to her that i could remember was, things would be better if i was gone.

I carried on through Junior high then moved to freshman year. Still no relationship, lonley as could be. I liked alot of girls but none liked me back. I started to see alot of my ex because our classes were close together. She was doing good, had another boyfriend and that made me fill bad cause her life was better then mine. By then she was a model type looking girl. She is still, beautiful as could be, she is amazing. I wish i could tell her but everytime i even look at her she ignores me or i freeze.

Life became a living hell for me soon after. I was in deep depressions, i wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep. Would just lay in bed for hours a day wishing i would just die. Tried to overdose on meds, didn't work(Apperently). I took a gun to school in plan to kill myself infront of my ex, but the moment i reached into my bag to grab it, I had a mental breakdown, just at having thought of killing myself infront of her, what harm i would do to her, i never had intensions of hurting her. Thank god i held it in till i got home, cause that woulda been imbarassing. I got home and told my mom what went down, and have her the gun.

She kept this between us and moved on. Now, time passed and now i just finished my sophomore year with D-s. I lost my drive when i love my girl and i seriously dont know what to do. I have my dads gun in the room with my as i type this, keeping one eye on the screen and other on the gun. I am on the edge and i dont know what to do. I am a well fit muscular guy that cant get a girl to have as a friend, a lover and hopfully a wife(in the near future) I go out to the store with my family and i see girls always looking at me, i dont know if they are staring at me cause they think im ugly or im good looking.

Every day i look back at my ex's myspace to see the way she looks. She dirty blone hair, her smile, her perfect(under my status) womanly figures. I almost break down in tears everytime i see her. I really dont know what to do. If anyone could help me please do so. I lost my drive and i need it back!

-Keaton, The Lost Hope.

Please you live in the Arizonaian(?) area please give me a call or a text i need people to talk to. PM me for my number or my myspace. Adios for now.

I really don't know how to help, but I think a good start for you would be to either talk to your mom about how you're feeling or to call this number:

1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-564-2120