So I, lyke, just broke up with my boyfriend cause he was TOTALLY kissing my BFF! in front of the gym last week, and now I'm, lyke, totally crushing on this hot Asian guy who never leaves the library but the problem is that Im pale pale pale pale white with strawberry blonde hair and my parents could never let me, lyke, date anyone who wasn't as perky and cute and white as I, and I don't, lyke, know what to do anymore. Lyke, I want to, lyke, go behind their back and ask this cute guy out and also use it against my ex-boyfriend, who I am STILL completely HOH In, lyke, TOTAL LOVE with, but then if I listen to my parents, there is, lyke, this HAWT jock guy who constantly pokes my back in study hall and tells me how HAWT I am who would, lyke, totally be, lyke, dateable. I mean, he's, lyke, captain of the football team, and a total babe, and white enough to appease my parents. I just don't know what to do ANYMORE! I lyke need total HELP. Please, lyke, totally help me out of this awkward situation! I just, lyke, need to know where in the world Carmen Sandiago is!

Dense as uranium.

Wow...exhibit A of the emo newbie.

Heh. Carmen Sandiago. Seriously, like where the fuck is she?

OMFG, like really? Like, stop, like using like so much. It like hurts my eyes. like, chea.