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Registered: January 15, 2003
Posts: 3700
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For the last couple weeks, I felt pretty neutral and borderline happy. Now I feel like a pile of dog turds baking in the sun. I don't know why this keeps happening. I feel good one second. The next, I'm hurting myself (cutting, stabbing, OD'ing). Depression is fucking lame. I wish some of you knew exactly how good and easy you have it. I hate to sound childish, but it's not fair. I guess that's all I had to say.
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Registered: January 15, 2003
Posts: 3700
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Well, I'm fucking sick of living. I gave it a chance, but I don't fucking care anymore. I'm just tired of having emotional breakdown after breakdown. It's driving me crazy. Feeling invisible makes me even more crazy. I started hacking at my arm last night and this afternoon, and I'm just curious to know how much further I can go. I wish their was a magic pill that could take all my pain away, but there isn't. So, razor blade it is. Sayonara! 
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Registered: May 05, 2007
Posts: 6
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hello. i just wanted to say that suffering from depression myself i totally get where you are coming from. it seems that people are just telling you to get over it...however, it isn't that easy and you feel as though they don't know how easy they have it. i go through some pretty shitty times too. i feel as though i'm going insane and just want to let go. my heart feels heavy and all i can do is lay in my room hoping the pain will go away. i know that it seems like the situation wont get better now...but trust me it will. whatever you do, do not commit suicide...don't let depression get the best of you like that. although you might not realize it, you are strong and can overcome this nightmare. i feel for you and hope your situation gets better. you can message me if you ever feel like talking or anything.
sarah is pro life
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Registered: November 27, 2004
Posts: 1319
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that's weird 
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. - E.B.White
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Registered: January 15, 2003
Posts: 3700
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Registered: November 27, 2004
Posts: 1319
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just sent you a Noisemail thing or whatever it's called, tell me if you get it.
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. - E.B.White
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Registered: January 15, 2003
Posts: 3700
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Sorry. Thats usually how I think when I'm feeling suicidal. I mean, I want to live, but what's the point? To wait around for nothing and continue to lose everything important to me? I try all the time to find someone to help me, but they only care about themselves. They ignore my pleas and reject me. And then I'm left alone as an empty, numb, angry, pathetic shell of a human being. I wish I could help myself. But I'm not capable. Their lives are so FUCKING great that they can SHIT all over someone else and pretend it doesn't affect anyone. They've never experienced unrelenting sadness in their perfect FUCKING lives, so that gives them license to make others feel emotional pain that is BEYOND DESCRIPTION. FUCK THEM. The world is made up of nothing but these people. And to be honest, I can't take it anymore.
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Registered: November 27, 2004
Posts: 1319
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EG, ignore my other post completely, I wanted to delete it but the stupid time limit won't let me. I just re-read it and realized it's exactly things like that I hate to hear when I'm feeling like shit.
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. - E.B.White
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Registered: November 27, 2004
Posts: 1319
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quote: Originally posted by EarthGoddess:
You know, I really doubt anyone can help.
This is the most annoying thing someone can say, but I don't know what else to say. I know you said you doubt anyone can help, but you have to keep on trying and looking. Because...what else can you do? You just have to force yourself I guess, and I know that's fucking hard.
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. - E.B.White
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Registered: January 15, 2003
Posts: 3700
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You know, I really doubt anyone can help.
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Registered: November 27, 2004
Posts: 1319
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quote: Originally posted by BigSlickAK:
its been my experience that psychologists exist for the sole purpose of over charging you for listening and telling you things you already knew and prescribing meds you don't need.
I think you're right, in some cases. There are people out there that can help. And I also think that sometimes you just can't help yourself no matter how hard you try, and you need someone else to help you as well. I don't mean that in the sense "they'll fix all your problems" because I know that's bullshit, but they can help I think. It's a matter of finding the good ones I guess. I don't know.
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. - E.B.White
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Registered: February 19, 2005
Posts: 216
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its been my experience that psychologists exist for the sole purpose of over charging you for listening and telling you things you already knew and prescribing meds you don't need.
Aviation Ordnance- Without us Naval Aviation is just another unscheduled airline!
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Registered: January 15, 2003
Posts: 3700
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quote: EG, are you talking to someone(I mean outside of your family)? Like a psychologist?
I did, but I stopped because it didn't help at all. I just feel like I'm doomed. It's not a fun feeling.
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Registered: November 27, 2004
Posts: 1319
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quote: Originally posted by IkkyIno: Same goes for sad and depressed people, my little trick is to act happy when I'm not, then others in return will be happy which in return will make me truly happy  Vicious cycle really!
I couldn't disagree more with this statement. I guess it's just really a personal thing. But I find that if I try to act all happy and nice when I'm actually feeling like shit it just accentuates the feeling bad. Also there's just something about not feeling "real" and feeling like a "phony" that just adds to it. But I guess this just really depends on the person, I can see how it could help some people on the short term, but you can't always act, it just doesn't work when you get to a certain point I think. EG, are you talking to someone(I mean outside of your family)? Like a psychologist?
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. - E.B.White
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Registered: January 15, 2003
Posts: 3700
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quote: Well, emotions are contagious, you have that friend who is ridiculously happy ALL the time, around them you feel happy/happier. Same goes for sad and depressed people, my little trick is to act happy when I'm not, then others in return will be happy which in return will make me truly happy
That's the same stupid shit my mom told me. It doesn't work that way for sufferers of clinical depression. You may have simply had a depressed mood, which is much easier to treat. And I like anti-depressants that make me emotionless, because it's either that or drugs and alcohol. I haven't felt a positive emotion in a long time. I'm always either neutral or wanting to throw myself into traffic to stop the pain. I tried to act happy and smile more like my mom told me to, but that just meant my depression went untreated for too long. quote: all thats doing is building up the tension of your depression which will one day explode.
Exactly.
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Registered: February 19, 2005
Posts: 216
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quote: Well the ups and downs may be whatever from someone winked at you and then you stubbed your toe or a number of other reasons that you don't even know why. If you don't know why you are feeling depressed then I recommend seeing a counselor who can prescribe anti-depressants. That I would save for last though. My friend was still depressed after taking anti-depressants for over a year, finally he got off them and I've never seen him happier.. Or more like anti-depressants don't just get rid of Depression.. In my opinion they get rid of all emotions... But if you have chronic depression defiantly get it checked out... A lot of people, including myself, just like to be sad? As weird as it may be, and any explanation I could give would just sound retarded. A way I've come up to cope with depression (unwanted) and maybe it might work for you.
Well, emotions are contagious, you have that friend who is ridiculously happy ALL the time, around them you feel happy/happier. Same goes for sad and depressed people, my little trick is to act happy when I'm not, then others in return will be happy which in return will make me truly happy Big Grin Vicious cycle really!
What goes around comes around. Karma.
your theory may sound good and all, but it is heavily flawed. anti depressants try to balance out the chemicals in your brain to make you "normal" so to speak. but normal is in the eye of the beholder. you cant just fix all of your problems by taking some pills and thinking its going to be ok. i do agree that when your friend got off the pills he probably was happier because he was back to his normal self, be it even if he was depressed. and its not always a good idea to act happy when your not, all thats doing is building up the tension of your depression which will one day explode.
Aviation Ordnance- Without us Naval Aviation is just another unscheduled airline!
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Registered: April 13, 2007
Posts: 7
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Well the ups and downs may be whatever from someone winked at you and then you stubbed your toe or a number of other reasons that you don't even know why. If you don't know why you are feeling depressed then I recommend seeing a counselor who can prescribe anti-depressants. That I would save for last though. My friend was still depressed after taking anti-depressants for over a year, finally he got off them and I've never seen him happier.. Or more like anti-depressants don't just get rid of Depression.. In my opinion they get rid of all emotions... But if you have chronic depression defiantly get it checked out... A lot of people, including myself, just like to be sad? As weird as it may be, and any explanation I could give would just sound retarded. A way I've come up to cope with depression (unwanted) and maybe it might work for you. Well, emotions are contagious, you have that friend who is ridiculously happy ALL the time, around them you feel happy/happier. Same goes for sad and depressed people, my little trick is to act happy when I'm not, then others in return will be happy which in return will make me truly happy Vicious cycle really!
What goes around comes around. Karma.
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Registered: January 15, 2003
Posts: 3700
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Thanks. That's all I can think to say.
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Registered: February 19, 2005
Posts: 216
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quote: Depression is fucking lame. I wish some of you knew exactly how good and easy you have it. I hate to sound childish, but it's not fair. I guess that's all I had to say.
you know i totally agree with you on this. my wife is manic-depressive and i see how hard life is for her. but while it may seem like your cursed with depression you were also given a great gift. ive seen your website and your art work is nothing short of amazing. they have proven that great artists (be it musicians, painters etc) while being great at their craft, usually have something different about them. you just gotta keep moving forward and keep looking to the future. its true, alot of people out there have it way too easy, but thats what seperates people like you from them. you will end up appreciating life a whole hellofa lot more than they every will because you actually had to work for it. if your having any problems please feel free to contact me, id like to think that i could be of help
Aviation Ordnance- Without us Naval Aviation is just another unscheduled airline!
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