Abi (the boyfriend) has two closest friends he sometimes stays over with. These friends happen to be a guy and a girl (they're brother and sister). They've been friends for a long time and nothing has surged (and it looks like it isn't going to surge anyways) between the girl and Abi.

I'm still concerned over the fact that he stays over with a female around his age, them being physical in a playful manner (the three friends are in general, let me note that). I know nothing's between the two, but frankly, I find it somewhat disrespectful (and a valid reason for me to be paranoid) that they're (as in the girl and Abi) physical, even if it's meaningless playfulness (tickling, for example). I'm worried that he stays over with a girl in general, regardless of the fact that I know that he knows that I will castrate him with a blunt knife if he cheats on me.

Most of my friends are guys. And even though most of these guys are gay, I wouldn't stay over with them for anything. I have a boyfriend and I think it's akward to spend the night with someone of the gender you're attracted to when you're in a relationship. I don't want Abi to have any doubts or worry or anything at all. Thus, I'm not going to do something that I know will likely cause worry and doubts, etc.

I'm not jealous, though. It's not that I think she's into him (ok, I've thought that before, I admit it) or he's into her or they're secretly lusting each other, it's just.....I think it's a somewhat disrespectful thing to do when you're with someone you love. It's like if I complemented another guy's butt; it doesn't mean I'm enamoured with said guy, but it's still disrespectful to Abi (and Abi's great butt).

Another thing is, that when he stays over there and calls me, I end up talking more to his friends than him. I don't mind saying "hi". But I do mind spending two hours on the phone with someone who is a stranger to me, and worse because we have -5741 in common and thus nothing to talk about, so the conversation (or ratherly, lack of it) becomes extremely akward.

Ok, so I am a tad jealous in two senses. This girl is more compatible with him than I am. Meet me and meet Abi....we're so different on so many things (but ironically our similarities are huge and strong) it seems impossible we managed to fall in love. I kinda start to wonder why did he choose me over this girl. My other jealousy is this (but this applies to both of his friends, not just the girl); he enjoys his time with them more so than with me. I mean, I can't make him laugh like they do, or forget about his worries like they do.

If we go into my past, this situation brought forth a guy cheating on me; he was friends with a girl he knew for a decade, she stayed over, and oops, she got pregnant. She is obviously not the Mother of Jesus, so they must have had sex. I know it's unfair for me to apply this situation of my past to my situation of the present, since Abi and that guy are extremely different (said guy is an asshole-ish sadistical incest-bred idiot and Abi is gold), but I can't help but wonder "What if...?". I'd never been so hurt by anyone as by that guy at that time and I can't imagine going through that again, especially considering the fact that I love Abimelec with all my heart and soul and that guy I only cared for a bit.

To add insult to injury, this female friend of Abi's is single. And hot.

So, based on what I've said...

Am I being reasonable in my worry? Or am I just being insecure/paranoid/unfair? Should I talk to him about it (the hell, he reads this Xanga)? Or should I ignore this problem (I'm really not wanting that as I've noticed that when couples ignore problems said problems grow)?

Thanks all.

He's said he loves me, and yes, yogore, he is a virgin.

On our differences, I think they complement each other, but sometimes, I get worried, you know? He means everything to me, I want to be perfect for him.

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They have a special bond because they've known each otehr for longer and it's nothing to be jelous of. They're special to him, but in a different way than you are.

That's true, it's very very true. Thanks for the new perspective on it.

I talked to him about it and he (in a sort of sad way) left the house. But, I was thinking that maybe in the future, we could all go to the sleepover (I was already invited but rejected), because in truth I don't know his friends that well, and well, I'd like us all to get along without any grudges.

I don't know. I have a lot of issues of my past to deal with, trust (in myself mostly) being one of them. I don't think I'll get angry at him for this forever, I think I just need to heal from some things to be comfortable with that.

I don't think you have anything to worry about, Celtic. I think a lot of it comes down to trust and knowing Abi. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't he a virgin anyways? From what i know of him, he doesn't seem like the cheating type. You and Abi are different, but that's a good thing a lot of the time. Have faith that he really likes you, because it seems like he really does. And don't try and compare yourself to his friends. They have a special bond because they've known each otehr for longer and it's nothing to be jelous of. They're special to him, but in a different way than you are.

As for sleepovers in general, I think it's kindof weird that you wouldn't sleepover a boys house. There's nothing inherently sexual about a sleepover and it's not really that big of a deal. it's just sleeping at someone else's house.

Basically, let him know that you're worried, but that it's not because of him imparticular. Tell him that no matter whose house he was sleeping over or who your boyfriend was you'd feel uncomfortable wtith it. And then try and become more comfortable with the idea by talking with him about it and hopefully all will go well.

Lol. I figured, I can totally see you slitting his throat out of pure spite.

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Talk to him about this, chances are he'll go apeshit on you and assume that you don't trust him

Oh, he did go very much apeshit. Don't worry, next time he has a slight concern, I'm going to go apeshit too.

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not her.

Actually I think she's a lesbian sometimes. I just don't want to think about my boyfriend (oh God he'll kill me for writing this on YN) having a boner over any other girl except me.

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she would KILL ME if I slept over at a girls house.

But does the fact that it's one girl and three guys (one of the guys her brother) make you consider the whole thing? I mean, it's not just Abi and the girl, in that case I'd hang from his dick like Tarzan swinging from building to building on NYC.

I did mention it to him. He completely got it wrong and thought I was trying to control his life and make him not have any friends, which of course is entirely bullshit, but we talked it out. He still stayed over at the house though. So it's not like it even mattered. He just said "I understand your concern but I wouldn't cheat on you..." and listed many many reasons.

this is just me, but I wouldn't want my girlfriend sleeping over at any other guys house... and she would KILL ME if I slept over at a girls house.

Communication is key to any relationship talk it out with him and if nessacary (if he really is cheating) turn him in to a Eunich

I would be pissed. I'm a very jealous person, but I keep it in check. If someone I was dating did something such as that, I wouldn't be too happy. Talk to him about this, chances are he'll go apeshit on you and assume that you don't trust him. Tell him that it's him you trust, just not her. Tell him your concerns, gently, not like you're so jealous you can't see straight. Good luck.

Talk to him. I think it is the best way to deal with the situation. If you guys are going to continue the relationship, there needs to be honesty between the both of you. If you keep your feelings to yourself, it will only build up. Just talk to him. Tell him you are jealous but also tell him that if he says he isn't doing anything, that you trust him and hold him to his word. But thats just my opinion (and I still am girlfriendless ((if thats even a word)))