it seems like my whole life is crashing and burning inside and no one else really gets it, I keep it all inside and sometimes it just explodes and I hurt people or things, like the other day I put a hole in the wall, then ten minutes ago I just...lost it and everything came pouring out and it was scary to me. I had the presence of mind to lock myself in my basement to keep my sibs safe but after that all I could do was scream and hit things, I'm not sure how long it went on like that
it was every negative emotion that I kept bottled up all my, hate, my anger, my jealousy, my sorrow and my rage and it all just came out and with it came the pain the pain of every bad thing that's ever happened to me, every dumb thing I've done, every mistake I've made and all the loss I've ever felt in particuler with two relationships, My relationship with God and my relationship with one of the closest friends(I've mentioned my feelings on her before) I've ever had when I lost those two things it felt like someone ripped a hole in me and the sad thing is for the longest time I never noticed the holes, I just kept it all bottled up deep inside
I'm really screwed up right now guys and can really use some help

I know what you mean...and it's weird cause I just said something about keeping stuff all inside. But amp, you've got to talk to some one you trust...your best friend, your parents, your youth pastor (don't you have one?), or some one like that...some you know you can trust not to tell anyone else wat your thinking and feeling. And I know you probably can't help it, but violence is never the answer. It may be a good way to take out your anger, but it's not healthy. So, there's my point of view...hope you take it into consideration.

I'm sorry Amp.

I know when things hit their all time low with my family a little while back, I went through a huge crisis of faith, and it was the hardest thing I've ever gone through.

You're also at a pretty difficult time with school, junior year was my hardest year.

Just know that things have to get better, I know they will. I had a lot of very trying times in high school and my youth minister sent me a card that said "When the going seems all uphill, just think of the view from the top." That saying has kept me going the past several years...I hope it helps.

If you ever want to talk or vent, please let me know. AIM: MissyMeg05, or the same @aol.com.

That's got to be hard to deal with. I know how you feel, I have no one to talk to about everything I'm going through. Although I never hit anything, I tend to be bitter somtimes. Even though You've tried writing it down, try writting a letter to every person your having problems with. In those letters write everything you've been dieing to say, but don't send the letters. It really helps.

Thank you all, after I posted this I tried talking to my pops but...it didn't work I ended up rambling about some ass at school and what not, I tried to write it down but it just came out as "you don't get it and I'm not going to tell you"

the snitch of this is that the one friend I would have trusted stuff like this to is the cause of a good chunk of the angst (the second of the two relatonships)

The thing that really set this all off was the accident I just had (2 in 2 weeks) I am now at least 3900 dollers in debt and the question "why the hell does shit like this always happen to me?" going through was the match to the gunpowder after that I just went through a chain reaction as I meantioned above.

You definitally need someone to talk to. Letting your emotions build up like that isn't good for you, but I'm sure you know that. I think you've got to forgive yourself for your mistakes so that they won't bother you as much. When I felt myself getting as upset as you were I used to write about what was bugging me just to get it out before I broke down.

I think you have to find what works for you, but you can take studd here as suggestions. A good friend base that will listen to you is always a plus. Talking about things has always made things better, atleast for me.

Talking is definitely what you need. You need a good friend to vent to, someone who will just listen to you and try to understand what you're going through. I know it's hard to reach out when you feel like this, but it's necessary. You can't just keep it bottled up. You'll go crazy.

I'm no expert in matters like this, but I think the best thing to do is sit yourself down and tell yourself that it's all right. We all make mistakes. We all screw up. It's part of being human. You need to forgive yourself for all of it, if that makes any sense. I've never been in quite the same situation as you are now, but I've been close a few times, and it really helped just to calm myself down and say to myself, "Everything will turn out all right. You haven't screwed up that bad." And then I went to find someone to talk to.

But you don't need to take my advice. I'm no counselor or therapist. I barely have any experience to draw from. But I do know this: talking helps. Find a friend, a parent, or someone you trust. Sometimes, you just need to get things off your chest and have someone understand your pain. Then you can get on track to picking up the pieces and making things all right. And trust me, they will turn out all right.

Ahh, the emotional breakdown. Something I'm way too familiar with.

Personally, the way I deal with it is just living day by day. When I'm in school concentrating on something, all my problems don't bug me. When I'm alone with nothing to do, it's pretty overwhelming and I go fucking nuts. Just keep your mind busy. Take up knitting or birdhouse building or something.

You are not alone in having problems like this... Sometimes, life just seems daunting, and you just don't know how to deal with it... So you resort to physical violence, it's a coping resource, and as long as it's not hurting anyone (including yourself) or causing too much damage, that's fine...
I've been there, I've been worse, and I still have my episodes sometimes...

But I digress...
Troubles of the heart, dealing with love, is one of the hardest things you'll ever encounter. Love, is the strongest human emotion, it can cause great pain, and it can heal it. You seem to have experienced a loss in the area of love... And I know, that can be very, very hard.
The best thing I can suggest is talking to someone, in person. More people care than you think, and if you have any good friends (i'm sure you do) they are the best people to talk to. Don't forget about your parents, they care, they have life experience, maybe they've even been where you've been before or dealt with someone else like you... They may be hard on you, but they love you and they've your best interests in mind. If you can't do this... try a guidance councelor at school... Or another person of major authority (AP or whatnot)... They can probably point you to a councelor or therapist... Talking to someone is just the best overall way I've found...

Use those coping resources... They can help... And it's best to use them. If you leave to yourself and bottle these things up, they get even harder to handle... I'm speaking from experience, bad, bad experience. And though I dont know you, i dont want you to have to deal with similar things. And, you've probably heard enough, but i'm obligated to remind you of this; please do not turn to alcohol or any other self harming method of dealing with this, it makes things worse for you and everyone around you.