quote:

allow me to show you a "volkswagen" or a "saab"

at least they take up less room than the ridiculously big American cars :-P

quote:

The last time english swill was properly refered to as "beer" it was the only alcholic beverage in possesion of england at the time. Things got much better when Ireland and Scotland were conquered and you learned what real beer was all about.

oh now come along, a good smooth Ale is as English as fish and chips and village cricket. 'Lager' is not bad here, my favourite is an English brewed beer but I must admit it is the continent who brews the best Lager. Beer seems an alien concept in the US, it seems all about Budweiser et al. Which are, as stated, quite like piss.....and weak, i mean Coors Light?! what is that, Coors - the weakest beer in the world has a light version?

I'm also not happy with 'light', that is something you would never find in the UK. If you want a light beer you drink American beer, and if you drink American beer you're a big nancy :-P

quote:

Only if you stop playing cricket, the rules for which. as I've heard it, even you don't understand.

they're well understood and cricket is jolly good fun to play, to watch however it is intensly dull...just like baseball.

quote:

revocoted

Oh gods what a mistake to make in this thread. That would be "revoked" of course

quote:

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair,

This flatly contradicts the reason for our independance being revocoted in the first place which I recall was our inability to elect a competent leader.

Look to one's self before looking to others.

quote:

4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to
acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same
twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like"
and "you know" is unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

*insert hallelujah chorus here*

quote:

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is
for your own good. When we show you German cars, you
will understand what we mean.

allow me to show you a "volkswagen" or a "saab"

quote:

Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the
British sense of humour.

Very true

quote:

13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato
chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in
animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

Amen!

quote:

15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not
actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be
referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted
provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be
referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold
without risk of further confusion.

The last time english swill was properly refered to as "beer" it was the only alcholic beverage in possesion of england at the time. Things got much better when Ireland and Scotland were conquered and you learned what real beer was all about.

quote:

19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

It was [deleted by CIA]

quote:

18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable
to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played
outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world
beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

Only if you stop playing cricket, the rules for which. as I've heard it, even you don't understand.

quote:

This is a secular country where religion plays no part in politics or greater society, and it will stay that way

Now that is something worth bragging about, unlike your beer which is still piss water (albeit higher quality piss water then mass produced american beers)

I think he didn't realize it was a joke

quote:

1. Your nation's goverment will learn how to deal with social issues without consulting George Orwells 1984.

2. You will stop encouraging your citizens exodus to non-crap-holes. In due course, you will refrain from pushing your country furthur down crap-hole lane. You will also stop encouraging agressive non-natives to invade your country and kill your natives.

3. Hoodies do not need more love and attention, they need beating with a cane and getting thrown into jail or the army. They won't be so keep vandalising property and knifing people there.

4. How does it feel to go from being the most powerfull nation in the world, to being nothing? How does it feel that we did the opposite and our culture is superceding your own?

5. You will never have as many blacks as us, no matter how hard you try. Get over it.

6. You will respect your nations religon more than foreign ones. You will hate foreign peoples more than your own. You're white, get over it, learn to like yourselves, no one else will do it for you.

1. true

2.sorry I didn't quite understand what you were getting at here, care to put it into different words or elaborate?

3. agreed

4. Feels fine, Britain has found its role, as an example of successful multiculturalism. Your culture superceding ours? I think not, American culture is detested in this country as it is around the world. We were also never the most powerful nation, we were delicatly balanced amongst the great powers in a complex array of alliances. We only dominated the world economically.

5. Where did this come from? of course you have more black people, did I miss a claim to the contrary?

6. And no, we will not. This is a secular country where religion plays no part in politics or greater society, and it will stay that way. We are also proud of our multiculturalism, a black, and asian or a foreigner of any kind living here is as much British as we are

7. etc?

quote:

8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.
Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough
to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist
then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry
anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be
required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

Lol, I could send one back. It would start something like this:

To the citizens of the UK:

1. Your nation's goverment will learn how to deal with social issues without consulting George Orwells 1984.

2. You will stop encouraging your citizens exodus to non-crap-holes. In due course, you will refrain from pushing your country furthur down crap-hole lane. You will also stop encouraging agressive non-natives to invade your country and kill your natives.

3. Hoodies do not need more love and attention, they need beating with a cane and getting thrown into jail or the army. They won't be so keep vandalising property and knifing people there.

4. How does it feel to go from being the most powerfull nation in the world, to being nothing? How does it feel that we did the opposite and our culture is superceding your own?

5. You will never have as many blacks as us, no matter how hard you try. Get over it.

6. You will respect your nations religon more than foreign ones. You will hate foreign peoples more than your own. You're white, get over it, learn to like yourselves, no one else will do it for you.

7. Etc

quote:

8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.
Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough
to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist
then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry
anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be
required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

It's funny yet sad that this is true

quote:

17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one
kind of proper football; you call it "soccer". Those of you brave
enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some
similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping
for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour
like a bunch of nancies).

Rugby > American Football any day

Sorry, but Triss beat you to it. Though on closer inspection, your two versions actually have a lot of differences.

I like this part from #18:
"Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders(...)" that's pretty good

That letter is the most evil letter i have read. Funny as it may be, it is incredibly stupid. I hope other will read this and laugh.