The title says it all. I've read the books, maybe once all the way through
If you haven't guessed there will be spoilers but the way I write it won't matter
Book 1: Ok simply put this kid harry can talk to snakes, glass pane vanishes,snake attacks asshat cousin, letters arrive the way snow arrives in alaska, the invite him to a school of magic, school supplies and banking ensue. Harry (aforementioned kid) proceeds to meet aryan type mortal rival (kid is even racist! well... bloodist) Harry proceeds to school by train, where he meets sidekick A who is almost literally a redheaded step child and sidekick B the know-it-all girl that every school seems to have one of. Other sidekicks include a boy who has... for odd reasons a toad. standard joy and mayhem of going to a new school ensues (with the magical overtones of course) a three headed dog is found, a troll get in to a girls bathroom and is knocked out because of boogers. kid (harry) gets a cloak that makes him invisible, lots of random half assed writing involving an airbourne sporting event and a mirror. It is revealed that an evil plot is about to go down, perpetuated by a scary un-named evil (or at least you don't call him by name). Harry and sidekicks A and B (B is also a love intrest) of course go to fight the evil and through luck, wit, and some random spells they prevail
Book 2: similer to book 1, like last time evil is afoot in the school and can't seem to freakin kill anything, more commentary on airborne sporting event with a strange name. More racism from the aryan rival and his two moron henchmen, turns out aryan rival's father is also A. aryan, B. bloodist and C a member of a KKK sounding group called "deatheaters" who work for the guy who shouldn't be mentioned by name plot then revolves around a diary that rights back and the worlds stupidest teacher. Eventually Harry and Sidekick A go to confront the evil (which happens to be a massive snake, they find this out by a massive spider and the know it all side kick) by going down a sink in a girls bathroom, harry the goes to kick tail on the snake only to find out that the diary is the orgional bad guys memories. battle ensues and harry is rescued by a bird, hat and sword. They rescue sidekick C (Sidekick A's sister, who becomes a love intrest) and all is well again
Book 3: evil is now a bunch of hooded dudes and this vile murderer type guy who breaks out of prison to kill our hero. Hero thinks he's marked for death because he sees a huge black dog which is a sign of death, teacher for fortune telling class doesn't help any. Turns out huge black dog is murderer New teacher to replace the moron, new teacher happens to be a freakin werewolf Inanity ensues, more aerial sports, turns out murderer is a good guy and Harry's uncle. Asshat potions teacher proceeds to prove asshattery further and the ministry of magic begins to show it's colors as incompetent idiots. Harry saves the day with time travel and a spell that most advanced wizards can't do
Book 4: no aerial sports in this one cept right at the start for the world cup of said aerial sport, it is promptly broken up by KKK type group the "deatheaters", new teacher again this time a bad guy hunter. A large sporting event becomes the plot center and love intrest C shows up to compete with Loveintrests B and A. but appears to be more intrested in the Preppy Rival more. Sidekick A starts to think Sidekick B (and Loveintrest A) is a hottie and fumes about it for awhile. Meanwhile the tournament, held between 3 schools of magic (but due to random plot devices with 4 champions) rages on and harry manages to get good points the same way he defeates evil. Luck and seemingly random spells. Turns out the tourney trophy is some form of magic transport, the bad guy gets his body back, climatic battle sequence ensues. Preppy Rival dies, harry escapes only to have new teacher try to kill him (turns out he's another bad guy in disguise)
on to the next one...
Book 5: all out war between the goodguys and the bad guys, asshat teacher is a traitor and spy but for who? things get intresting for all of two seconds with Loveintrest C and then it's back to the random and the action and the general incompitence of the goverment and said govt's general asshattery. Plot revolves around prophecy about harry. Eventually a massive climatic battle sequence and fight for the prophecy occurs in the ministry of magic. the Uncle kicks the bucket. everyone is now worried about a war that the goverment imediately starts denying is/can happen/ing
Book 6: the sidekick gets the girl (delicous irony) something about voldemort's soul being in several pieces and the ministry of magic is still a bunch of ass hats and dumbledore kicks the bucket. Harry is put in life threatening danger... again, just like everytime and manages to struggle through on luck, will, and a few random spells again
"The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done"."
Originally posted by Aguagon: Keith Olbermann's interesting/crazy theory:
Harry was born a Squib. He only gained his magical powers when he got his scar and Voldemort turned him into a Horcrux. At the end of Book 7, Snape will defect from Voldemort and teach Harry how to remove his Horcrux, but it will be at the cost of all his wizarding abilities, thus keeping Harry alive and still shutting the door on crappy sequels and Harry fan-fic.
I don't think I buy it, but it's definitely one of the most original ones I've heard.
Probably one of the best predictions out there. I would buy it.
I like these calm little moments before the storm.
Harry was born a Squib. He only gained his magical powers when he got his scar and Voldemort turned him into a Horcrux. At the end of Book 7, Snape will defect from Voldemort and teach Harry how to remove his Horcrux, but it will be at the cost of all his wizarding abilities, thus keeping Harry alive and still shutting the door on crappy sequels and Harry fan-fic.
I think that would result in to lame an ending, harry needs a blaze of glory or a happily ever after.
Speaking of, how's this: Harry dies in a duel with voldemort and ginny playing on the "love is the strongest magic of all" theme kills voldemort.
Edit: I like the dumbledore one, but seriously... I doubt it
"The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done"."
Dumbledore somehow has the properties of a phoenix. The theory comes from this passage from Book 6:
"Then several people screamed. Bright, white flames had erupted around Dumbledore's body and the table upon which it lay: Higher and higher they rose, obscuring the body. White smoke spiraled into the air and made strange shapes: Harry thought, for one heart-stopping moment, that he saw a phoenix fly joyfully into the blue, but next second the fire had vanished."
Dumbledore's body erupted into flames when he died, just like a phoenix's body would. Of course, we all know what happens to phoenixes after they die...
Again, probably BS, but interesting.
And then, as the books were told, Fina replied: "A can of worms, my dear friend? What has this to do with reason?"
Harry was born a Squib. He only gained his magical powers when he got his scar and Voldemort turned him into a Horcrux. At the end of Book 7, Snape will defect from Voldemort and teach Harry how to remove his Horcrux, but it will be at the cost of all his wizarding abilities, thus keeping Harry alive and still shutting the door on crappy sequels and Harry fan-fic.
I don't think I buy it, but it's definitely one of the most original ones I've heard.
And then, as the books were told, Fina replied: "A can of worms, my dear friend? What has this to do with reason?"
"The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done"."
Originally posted by bluedemocrat: Or maybe Harry will become a DADA teacher!!
I'm pretty sure she squashed this one in the same interview where she said someone in Harry's year would become a Hogwarts teacher. I read part of the transcript of that interview, and I could be wrong, but it looked to me like she was saying it would be someone in Harry's year but not Harry himself.
And then, as the books were told, Fina replied: "A can of worms, my dear friend? What has this to do with reason?"
EDIT: And she was able to partially control the twins by threatening to tell their mother on them! That's power.
so she'll threaten to tell the entire wizarding world's mothers on them if they don't behave? and I'd like to see her try that on the twins again. I would predict very different results
quote:
A long time ago, JKR said that someone in Harry's year would become a teacher. Neville replacing Sprout? Or maybe Harry will become a DADA teacher!!
Neville replacing sprout seems more likely then Harry becoming a DADA teacher mostly because Harry's projected life span is about a year depending on wether you hold that he'll kick the bucket or not
"The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done"."
The invisibility cloak? It's the only thing I can think of that was handed down to Harry by his parents... besides Lily's eyes, but I'm sick of trying to figure that one out.
I really like that idea...most original and potentially legit HP theory I've heard in ages.
We don't know from where James got the cloak.
quote:
JKR's really been stressing the fact that he's skilled in herbology as well, maybe there's something there?
A long time ago, JKR said that someone in Harry's year would become a teacher. Neville replacing Sprout? Or maybe Harry will become a DADA teacher!!
Do we know this for sure? I don't remember anything being said about how James came upon the cloak, but it has been ages since I've read Book 1...
All it says is that James left the cloak in Dumbledore's possesion (perhaps around the same time they expected that there was a traitor among the marauders), and in the third book Lupin remembers them using it. I'm pretty sure that's all that was said about it, but I should probably check the Lexicon.
quote:
Brains don't make a leader, you need charisma and while Hermione is clever as hell, no one ever lines up to follow her. sure her plans are used but only if the twins or harry puts their weight and leadership ability behind her.
It's been a while, but didn't she come up with an awesome plan to break free from Umbridge near the end of the fifth book so they could head off to the department of mysteries to try to save Sirius? But your over analysis seems to be correct, that's the only good plan she's ever had (and I seem to remember it ending with them being attacked)..unless S.P.E.W. succeeds in liberating the house elves, in which case she'll gain some political fame
EDIT: And she was able to partially control the twins by threatening to tell their mother on them! That's power.
~*The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.
Brains don't make a leader, you need charisma and while Hermione is clever as hell, no one ever lines up to follow her. sure her plans are used but only if the twins or harry puts their weight and leadership ability behind her.
I just realised how much of an over analysis this was and that I really need more sleep valid point about hermione's use as a walking plot device or not
"The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done"."
And whatever will become of Percy? I have no great theories but if a Weasley dies it better be him.
Percy shall remain the world's biggest git, he'll just be quieter and more sulky
quote:
The invisibility cloak? It's the only thing I can think of that was handed down to Harry by his parents... besides Lily's eyes, but I'm sick of trying to figure that one out.
Nah the cloak belonged to James from the first, it wasn't a family heirloom from the way back. I would think Gryfndor's Sword would be a likely canidate but that's been in dumbledor's office and surely would have been the first one destroyed
quote:
Hermione for President!
Brains don't make a leader, you need charisma and while Hermione is clever as hell, no one ever lines up to follow her. sure her plans are used but only if the twins or harry puts their weight and leadership ability behind her.
quote:
JKR's really been stressing the fact that he's skilled in herbology as well, maybe there's something there?
I like the idea of Bellatrix being killed by some plant suits her to become fertilizer
"The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done"."
Since Voldemort went looking for relics that belonged to each of the four Hogwarts founders to turn into his Horcruxes, it's remotely possible Harry has a Horcrux he doesn't even know about in his possession.
The invisibility cloak? It's the only thing I can think of that was handed down to Harry by his parents... besides Lily's eyes, but I'm sick of trying to figure that one out.
quote:
-Bellatrix will die at Neville's hand, or so goes the insider CW. It makes sense from a plotline perspective, but I don't really see how Neville is gonna pull it off...
Neville's been getting steadily stronger throughout the books. JKR's really been stressing the fact that he's skilled in herbology as well, maybe there's something there?
quote:
Likely however I have hope that the ministry as it stands is actually destroyed
Hermione for President!
quote:
Sirius Black is alive. He's just in the realm of the dead. The curse he was hit with was not a killing curse, but it knocked him through the barrier (that curtain in the MoM) between the living world and the world of the dead.
Sounds an awful lot like Pirates of the Caribbean. I like it.
I think the house elves will play a significant part in the war, and will be liberated when Voldemort is destroyed. And for most I think their liberation will consist of them choosing to carry on cleaning, much to Hermione's dismay.
And whatever will become of Percy? I have no great theories but if a Weasley dies it better be him.
~*The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.
Originally posted by bluedemocrat: Discuss, Fina. Discuss. I'm listening.
Amp and Ikki have assured me my theories are a lot more commonplace than I realized. The ones I came to on my own:
-Snape and Dumbledore were in cahoots over Dumbledore's death, which the two intentionally carried out either to save Draco's hide or to secure Snape a position at the top of Voldemort's inner ring (or both). If it's the former, then Draco almost certainly has some major potential to end up helping Harry that Dumbledore foresaw.
-R.A.B. is Regulus Black, Sirius's brother. He defected from the Death Eaters, but was far more of a badass than his brother ever realized and dealt Voldemort a crucial blow by stealing (and possibly nullifying) the locket Horcrux on his way out. The locket Horcrux is the locket that was discovered when the Order was cleaning out Grimmauld Place, and has probably been stolen and tucked away by Kreacher.
-Peter Pettigrew will turn on Voldemort and help Harry in the end because of the life debt he owes Harry that has been carefully unmentioned since Book 3. Life debts aside, as it currently stands, Harry kinda doomed humanity when he decided not to let Sirius and Lupin kill Pettigrew at the end of Book 3, and compassion for your enemies is just not the kind of thing that you'd expect to be punished in a children's books series.
-Harry himself is not a Horcrux. I've heard the argument for this one and I know it's gained a lot of traction among fans, but in my opinion it just doesn't add up.
-Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny will all pull through, and the Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione relationships will flourish. Hermione and Ron will go through seventy or eighty trial separations before tying any knot, however.
-The Ministry will continue to be asshats until Voldemort's collapse, at which point they'll try to spin things to make it look like they believed in the Order all along. In a similar vein, a leftover scattered handful of Death Eaters will "come out of Voldemort's trance" once again after his collapse, avoid jail, and go on to have lots of children that end up in Slytherin.
And the ones MuggleNet tipped me off to:
-Sirius is indeed dead, but he will be able to communicate with Harry from beyond the grave via the magical mirror he gave Harry in OOTP.
-Harry is a descendant of Godric Gryffindor. This is probably the most crackpot of the theories, but MuggleNet pointed out that when asked if there was a connection between Godric Gryffindor and the fact that Harry's parents lived in a place called Godric's Hollow, Rowling responded with something like, "Good question." If in fact Harry is a descendant of Godric, then it's very possible something in his possession is a relic that once belonged to Godric. Since Voldemort went looking for relics that belonged to each of the four Hogwarts founders to turn into his Horcruxes, it's remotely possible Harry has a Horcrux he doesn't even know about in his possession.
-Bellatrix will die at Neville's hand, or so goes the insider CW. It makes sense from a plotline perspective, but I don't really see how Neville is gonna pull it off...
-That Voldemort used Harry's blood to resurrect himself will end up hurting him more than helping him. It nullified the protection Lily gave Harry when she died for him and made it so Voldemort can now touch Harry, but it will do more than that. Now, Harry's "blessed blood" runs through Voldemort's body, and one theory I like is that the blood will sabotage Voldemort from the inside out at a crucial moment.
-The Death Eaters kidnapped Ollivander becuase Voldemort wanted a new wand. He wants to make sure the "priori incantatem" effect that was responsible for Book 4's copout end -- er, I mean, riveting ending does not get in his way again.
Comments? Questions? More theories? Post 'em, guys.
And then, as the books were told, Fina replied: "A can of worms, my dear friend? What has this to do with reason?"
Topics 
