I'm 16 years old, and as of 10 months ago, my boyfriend was raped by his mom's best friend. He is a preacher's son. Although time has lapsed, the pain is still there. He's doing all he can to get through it and, honestly, he's doing a lot better than I am. He's going back to his amazing self, and I am still suffering. I feel like I can feel is pain. I have had 10 months of consecutive nightmares. He's still having trouble opening up to me about the whole situation and, I'm okay with that because I understand that it's not an easily spoken about subject.
As I earlier stated, he's coping with his loss a lot better than I am. We both have strong beleifs in non premartial sex. We were both saving ourselves for marriage. He feels like he's failed me, and I feel like I've failed him because I wasn't there to stop the process. I'm not asking for a pity party. I'm not trying to push the focus off of him, onto me either. I'm just asking for anyone's guidance as to how I should handle my feelings so that I'm not bringing him down with me. I love him very much and I don't want him to be forever capitvated by the memories of the rape. I want to be there to lift him, not drag him down.
Does anyone have a kind word to help me with my process of getting through the trauma so I can be there for my boyfriend when he needs me most.
--PainFilled08

Remember this, rape is not sex. Sex is a consentual event between two people. Rape is a violent act only one person desired.

He won't forget being raped, don't expect him to. What can change is how it affects him...rape drives some people crazy and it makes others stronger, and that's what you can help him in.

Thank you so much for the guidance. I feel a sense of relief to know now that I am no longer in this battle alone. That I'm not the only one suffering from the pain of having some one raped. Also, I am a firm believer in God. I attend church faithfully. I also sing in a Christian band. I have prayed to God every night. Absently, I've blamed God for it. And, I know that it's not his fault. I know that the fault is sorely on the source of the crime. That dreadful, pitiful woman. Although the kind words helped me for today, obviously, the wounds are still open wide. I read that 5 out of every 10,000 males are likely to get raped as oppose to 1 our of every 100 in females. I hate to think that out of those 10,000 males, he was the one who was disgraced. I hate that he wasn't given the option. I hate it so much. But, I know that time heals all wounds. I just wish that time would move a bit faster so we can get on with our lives.

Once again, my grandest thanks to you kind people who've offered me a kind word. I'm forever grateful and feel free to further guide me.
--PainFilled08

I haven’t posted for 2 weeks and this is probably the last post,
I completely understand what you are going though, I feel the pain you are experiencing, its been almost unbearable. I gotta hand it to you, you have you hand full, no one should ever feel the pain of being raped or in our cause having someone you love more then anything taking advantage of. You have my empathy.
All I can say is hang in there an don’t resent that person because of what has happened, love him or her with everything down to the last drop of blood you have to offer. Time changes nothing, the longer you leave this open and wounded, the worse the wound will become.
hope I have help somewhat.

I'm not sure what I could tell you. I know that rape leaves scars, especially in boys and men, and I think it's harder for us to get our pains out than for women. I would say that both acts of God and time heal such scars, preferably the former, and it will be difficult for him to talk about it because it can bring some pain back. This likely means that he's not quite healed from it yet. That will likely take some time.

If what you feel is guilt over not protecting him, there was nothing you could do even if you knew the person could be dangerous. That likely doesn't help you much, I'm sure. Nevertheless, it is true.
If what you feel is empathy, then you could say that to him: that, as a female, you know more about rape than men tend to and know what it would be like to lose that part of yourself.

Whatever advice you may take, be it from me or anyone, it is vital that you don't let yourself sink into despair or start thinking that you really could have stopped it. As a member of the male half of our species, I have seen the depths of darkness a man can descend into while still thinking clearly about his next move.

They call this darkness 'sin'. All it tends to cause is pain, and it is why we look forward to Heaven as our goal.

Pray. Forgive God if you have to. You can be honest with Him if you have resentment or anger toward Him. (It's not like He didn't know about it anyway. It's fairly common: God didn't cause the problem, but it's often hard to pray or anything until one comes to terms with Him.)