I always feel annoying when I post forums just to answer a specific question I have (i.e. the chicken posts.... if anyone remembers...) but I like being able to have opinions, and I know I can turn to the nice people at youthnoise so here goes.

My boyfriend of 7 months has always been faithful and so have I. We have a mutual friend that we both knew before we knew eachother. There have never been any feelings between my boyfriend and this girl, and there never were/will be, but a couple weeks ago they both got extremely wasted before coming over to my house, and I discovered that before they came over, they had sex. Both of them are embarrassed about it and regret it and have no feelings whatsoever for eachother, and the girl says that they "barely did it" because my boyfriend was too drunk to... you know.

To be graphic, the girl was urm on top if that means anything, and my boyfriend was a virgin. She has cheated on 3 of her other boyfriends (going as far as sex with 2) and her most recent boyfriend had a girlfriend when she met him, and she got him to cheat on his girlfriend then dump her. She's slept with all of her boyfriends and until recently, we've been friends.

She told me last night. I talked to my boyfriend and I still love him and have feelings for him and he's appologizing all the time and trying so hard with everything when we hang out, and I want to forgive him because I know that they don't have feelings and that they both didn't know what they were doing, but are there unforgivables? I've always said that the one thing I would never forgive was cheating... but due to the circumstances of being under the influences, and my feelings for him, I'm unsure. I wish I didn't love him anymore and could just move on, but I can't change my feelings.

Ironically, this all happened right after I'd started considering loosing my virginity to him. I made the pros and cons list forum to try to help me decide which way to turn.

What is unforgivable cheating? Is this it? How far would you forgive someone you love?

Wow I am sorry that that happened to you and tennis_girl welcome.

I think at this point you should just dump him. You're young enough and it's entirely possible to find someone else, or better, or just stay single for a while. It might seem like she took advantage of him, but he also gave into it. Being drunk isn't an excuse.

Just take ur time and decide either way definitely before u go the whole way .
if there is somethin as unforgivable cheating , I dont think this is it.

quote:

Originally posted by calcoastsurfer:
lol tennis girl i think i like you already

Euterpe:

my friendship with her is most definetely terminated. our last phone call ended with me calling her a s1ut and a wh0re both of which were heartfelt. Not to say I'm not extremely mad at my boyfriend. As an update: for the moment we're together, but it will be a long time before I consider sex I predict, and I will definetely be more open and observant of the people around me.

Lol, nice one tennisgrl. I'm glad you've ditched this girl, because they're a dime a dozen. And that's a good thing to have, the being more observant. I admire your loyalty to him. I think I have too much pride to forgive something like that. ;D I'm working on it. If he's as great of a guy as you believe him to be, congrats.

I truly hope this works out for you. Lol, and, if he breaks your heart, we'll all be here to verbally tear him apart. Kidding. ::Shifty eyes.::

lol tennis girl i think i like you already

Euterpe:

my friendship with her is most definetely terminated. our last phone call ended with me calling her a s1ut and a wh0re both of which were heartfelt. Not to say I'm not extremely mad at my boyfriend. As an update: for the moment we're together, but it will be a long time before I consider sex I predict, and I will definetely be more open and observant of the people around me.

Aren't you glad you didn't have sex with him now?

First of all, what is WITH you people and these prons and cons lists? What you truly desire will more often than not triumph over what is logically plausible.

And my advice and experience, along with a few questions: How did you "discover" they had cheated? Through him, her, a friend? That will tell you a lot. It takes a lot of courage to admit to someone you love that you've cheated. It seems to me that it was she who told you they had had sex. Why didn't he tell you? That's a big question that you need to ask him, if you haven't.

Second, are you willing to risk getting hurt again if this occurs once more? Because, from personal experience as someone who has cheated, rarely does it happen only once, no matter how genuinely you apologize. Drunk or not -- alcohol is no excuse for cheating. Alcohol does not erase your conscience, regardless of what anyone says. It HINDERS it. He was not out of control of his actions, and neither was she.

If you are willing to risk that, then congratulations, he's a lucky son of a ***** for having a loyal girlfriend such as yourself. Just know that if you forgive him, you cannot use this against him. If you take him back and just abuse him about it, that's ridiculous and wrong. If you risk that, and this doesn't happen again, good for you.

If you can't see yourself willing to get hurt again, and nobody would blame you if you didn't, break up with him. No amount of love can truly rebuild trust.

Personally? I would have broken up with him. Trust is extremely important to me, and drunk or sober, he violated that and to me, that can't be tolerated. (As hypocritical as that sounds, considering I was a cheater, but in my defense, I gave him every opportunity to walk away.) Any cheating to me is unforgivable.

Bottom line is -- if you can forgive him and truly put this behind you both, then your love is very strong. If you can't, then you're better off dealing with your heartbreak and moving on.

And, um, that girl needs to be given some thought. Maybe she's not the best friend/influence to have around, ey? Good luck.