I've questioned this for years, but I have no one that I can ask:

Is it child molest if the one that molested you was a child (and a girl) too?

My mother worked a lot, and my dad was ridiculously lazy, so I spent a lot of time with one of my mother's friends. Now, I'm not an only child, but my mother's friend had a daughter three years older than me, the same age as my brother, so she was supposed to be my friend. I don't know exactly when this started happening, but since I remember my younger sister was still crawling and not walking, I'd assume I was around three years old. It started the first time she wanted to play "house." I discovered that playing house meant that I was the mommy and she was the daddy, and the dolls were the children. The dolls were always in bed though, which left the activities mommys and daddys get around to after the kids go to bed. Now, I never liked this game, so it evolved into other things, from doctor and patient, master and slave, to a rich millionare and a stripper. If she was feeling particularly creative, she'd do something like tie my wrists with a jump rope to a bed post, or stick things in places where they don't belong. She was extremely controlling and manipulative, and since I was raised in a strongly conservative home, when she told me that my parents would give me up for adoption if they found out, I believed her. I never told, but I used to wonder if it was possible to get pregnant when you had sex with a girl that pretended to be a guy. She demonstrated where a man's penis would go when a man and woman had sex with various objects. It was a painful experience.

I've read articles about sexually abused children, and they mention that some children that were abused start hurting other children, but I've never heard of anything like what was done to me. Her dad was a drug addict, and the last time she saw him was around the time we started playing "house". Her mother had her seeing a therapist throughout the years I knew her. Since house did not exclude me role playing as the daughter, and her as the dad, I'd think it's safe to assume she was molested as a child, but where does that leave me? I can't talk about it, because when I was almost nine, my mother walked in on us in a slightly awkward position while my younger sister was in the room (she would use my sister as blackmail, though she never touched her, just me in front of her when my clothes were still on) my mother took me into the basement, slapped me, and told me to think of what I was doing to my sister. Even though I never saw her again, I still have nightmares. Despite that, even while I hate her, I miss her because I never had to make any decisions. I belonged to her and she made them for me. When she told me to do something, I did it because I knew how much it would hurt if I didn't. Then when my mother found out, I discovered that she was right all along, while my mother didn't put me up for adoption, she still hated me.

The only way I can think of to describe our relationship was that she owned me. I was something that belonged to her.

I know that if I replaced the "she" with a "he", and add on a few more years in the age difference, the rest of the world would call it "child molest." But what do you call it when it is a "she" that is only three years older, and when a part of me wishes that my mother never found out?

I never know how to answer when filling out those psych questionares and they ask "have you ever been raped?", "have you ever been sexually abused?", or "at what age did you lose your virginity?." There's never an "I don't know" box.

Maniqui,

I read through what you wrote and yes, you were molested as a child.

No child no matter how old or under any circumstance should be forced or manipulated into being touched or touching others sexually.

Its easy when you've been abused to make up excuses of why what happened wasn't abuse, its not easy to accept that you were used or were out of control of the situation. You were young, and this girl took advantage of you, no matter what her reasons were, it doesn't make what happened right in anyway, no matter her age or gender she shouldn't have imposed her will on you as she did.

First off, you should know that you are not at fault at all. Children are young and impressionable, and you shouldn't have been put in the situation in the first place. This girl used you and blackmailed you and no matter what you mom says that is NOT YOUR fault.

It can be hard comming to terms with abuse that happened as a child, seeking counciling and learning to move on isn't easy.

If you need somebody to talk to NOISEMAIL me.