I’m 14, and I go to a co-ed public school. Last summer one of my very close friends told me before she went on vacation that she “looked at me in a different way”. I must admit I was a little concerned at the time because she was my friend and I had never had any lesbian experiences or thoughts on it before. At the time I was dating one of my best friends (a guy).

That summer I broke up with my boyfriend. While she was away, we sent each other a lot of email and I found myself feeling an attraction to her. To this day I don’t know if I'm really in love or if I just fooled myself into thinking I was because she was so totally in love with me. When she got back we decided we wanted to be closer, not have a relationship, but get to know each other. After a while we became curious and while on a walk, we finally kissed.

After that night we were both questioning if what we were doing was right. My emotions were flying everywhere. It was really hard because we had that night and then had to go to school and pretend that nothing had happened. We had more nights at each other’s houses after that and each night we got more curious. She started moving her hands under my shirt and up and down my back and I did the same to her.

The most recent night was at her house where we were lying in the dark, on her bed in each other’s arms; trying to hold a conversation with each other. Then we got much more physical and moved her hands from under my shirt to further down, past my belt and started moving them up and down my thighs, first outer then inner, then moving them in between my legs towards my groin and eventually we had sex. It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. It was amazing.

Recently this year her and her family moved to California. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. Since we’ve always kept our whole relationship (if there was one) a secret I have no one to talk about this with. We keep in touch by e-mails but of course it’s still not the same. It’s bad enough having sex for the first time but when you do it with a girl you’re just asking for trouble. I really think I’m a lesbian or bi but I can’t come out to my parents or my friends because they’ll just think it’s wrong.

I guess my point to this is that I'm really confused. I have this person who I think I'm completely in love with and want to be close to but I can’t because she’s across the country and everyone says it’s wrong. I need to know if I’m really gay. If I am I would have to pretend at school and at home, that is going to be and already is very difficult. If I am gay then I’ll never meet anyone and be alone for the rest of my life. I love her and I don’t want to hurt her but she’s so far away and I can’t deal with a incredibly long distance relationship while keeping everything in the closet. I need to know what to do. Forever is a long time to pretend.

quote:

Originally posted by SLASHIROTH:
lets see Sonilala i dont think the person who wrote this is ever going to see your reply but ill put my 2 cents in

if your in love with here then you are bi or a lesbian dont deny it

I suppose so. *shrugs* Personally, I think that labels are overused and don't always mean what they are supposed to. There are different kinds of love too.

lets see Sonilala i dont think the person who wrote this is ever going to see your reply but ill put my 2 cents in

if your in love with here then you are bi or a lesbian dont deny it

Just remember that if you decide to pursue the long distance relationship that it will be hard in more ways than one. First of all, you are saying that you have to hide who you are or how you feel. I don't know if that is the case by now, but you would have to be sneaking if it's still true. 2. Long-distance is really hard to keep up. You can still stay good friends while, you know, looking at others and giving other people chances every once in awhile. What if she finds someone else too? Accidentally, but still feels as if she HAS to stay with you...it puts both of you into an awkward situation. If there were a real "gay" test, then a lot of parents would test their children to know. There is no real way to "know" except for how you feel about yourself.

quote:

Originally posted by pinkyro:
jamjamjam ..pleaseeeeeee i wanna contact u .. i hope to reply me ..really i wanna conact u importantly

pinkyro, i'm here, i hope it's not a little too late. email me at jammy793793@yahoo.com

jamjamjam ..pleaseeeeeee i wanna contact u .. i hope to reply me ..really i wanna conact u importantly

Damn, this is what happened to one of my girlfriends, no i don't mean that way, she was a friend of mine who thought she was a lesbian and ended up with a girl for like a year however, it ended horribly when she realized she was straight, so first thing you need to do is figure out what you want because it ends up like shit if you just jump into a commitment like that without knowing who you are and what you need. and also, don't hope for forever, i did that in my last relationship, nearly 3 years of having an obsessive bf who emotionally destroyed me really showed me that forever is a hell of a long time... so my advice don't jump in unless you are 501% positive about it.

ok... basicly this is it... i was always into guys... but then i met this girl that drove my CRAZY in a good way... we started secretly dating... then we let people at school know we were dating, but not our families... then after a while we had sex... then we broke up... then i really needed to be with her... so we got back together... and then after one month of dating we had sex again... then i moved in with my dad... and he heard i was dating her... and told my i couldnt talk to her anymore... then i came back home... to my grandparents house... and my dad had told them i was dating her... and told them not to let me talk to her anymore... in 6 days it will be 4 months of us dating... and i only talk to her once in a while... and i love her alot... more than anything in the world... but i have to sneak around and call her... and i cant see her... and my grandparents wont listen to me when i talk to them about it...
my point is that i want them to accept me for me not who they want me to be... i cant pretend to like someone when im in love with someone else... help!!!
Ashley

Jesus... Honey I'm gonna give you the same advice I'd give a guy. Go for it and the devil can take hind most. You don't need to pretend to be straight when you aren't just be yourself and who ever can't accept you being you was never your real friend in the first place

First of all, that's something you have to figure out. Second, why would you have to be alone for the rest of your life? I can understand that you wouldn't want anyone to know now, but as you get older and feel more comfortable, and you don't have to live under your parents' roof, there's no reason why you shouldn't be who you are and love who you love without worrying about other people.