Hey guys I hope you can help me out here, cause I have a situation and need an unbiased opinion (which means all of you).

My best friend (of the opposite sex) means the world to me. Seriously there really isn't anything I wouldn't do for him. We're very close and I can tell him anything and everything. Heres the problem, we act as more than just friends, and to be truthful always have. I love him with all my heart and can hardly picture going through a day without him (mainly because this situation hasn't really come up since we met about a year ago). To try to paint the picture for you, everyone we meet thinks we're dating, which is hard on me, because we aren't and I want to.

To make the problem more interesting, he has a girlfriend. To make matters even more interesting...she hates my guts (mainly cause of the situation between my best friend and I, I must admit).

Continuing on, (and I know this whole story would come out better if it weren't 3:39am at the moment) I know my best friend loves me. He tells me he does and I believe him, he has yet to tell me a lie (even if he knows the truth will hurt) and I find it impossible not to believe everything he says. I really don't know what to do here, this whole situation has been going on for a year now and i'm sick of it.

Okay lets make matters more interesting...hes almost left her on more than one occasion, and gotten himself in a lot of trouble for me. When they get into fights, I'm the one to give him a hug and make him feel better. On the other side a lot of the time I'm the cause of the fights. I've never tried to break them up, but I don't see them ending up together in any case.

This entire situation eats me up inside. I love him so much and I want more than anything to be with him, but I don't want to see him hurt, and I hate the way she treats him sometimes. Also, hes cheating on her with me. So here I am wanting so much to be with someone that I know has cheated...and here I am letting him cheat on her with me, both of which I am not at all proud of.

Right now I'll do anything for him and its taking away from the rest of my life. I drop eveything for him (not that hes ever asked me to) because I'll do anything to get to hang out with him.

I'm tired of feeling so guilty, I'm tired of hurting myself and the girlfriend. He knows what I'm going through, and is the best person I have to talk to when I'm upset (even about this). The situation puts me to tears most every day and yet I keep taking it.

Does anyone have any decent advice for me. I'll admit, I'm obsessive. I see the lack of logic in what I'm doing, but I don't see a workable solultion either.


~ In love with my best friend

IM IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND TOO, WE WERE DATING FOR ALMOST A YEAR EVERYTHING WAS GREAT IT SEEMED LIKE WE WERE GOING FORWARD IN OUR RELATIONSHIP, THEN ONE DAY HE STOPS SAYING I LOVE YOU AND THEN TELLS ME THAT HE DONT FEEL THE SAME, IT WAS SO HARD FOR ME, I LOVE HIM JUST LIKE YOU I GO OUT OF MY WAY TO HANG OUT WITH HIM, WE TALK ALOT AND WE HANG OUT HERE AND THERE BUT ITS HARD ON ME, WHEN IM WITH HIM I FEEL COMFORTABLE, SAFE, HAPPY, AND THEN WHEN ITS TIME TO SAY GOODBYE I GET ALL SAD AGAIN THE ONE I LOVE DOESNT LOVE ME BACK, I HAVE CONFESSED TO HIM MANY TIMES CUZ I TALK TO HIM ABOUT EVERYTHING AND HE SAYS IM HIS BEST FRIEND CHICK WE TALKS TO ME ABOUT ALMOST EVERYTHING, HE TELLS ME THAT HE DOESNT FEEL THE SAME AND DOESNT SEE ME AND HIM EVER HAPPENIN AGAIN, BUT HE DOESNT KNO WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE WHCIH MAKES ME FEEL LIKE MAYBE JUST MAYBE I WILL HAVE A CHANCE IF I STICK AROUND LIKE I AM DOIN, AT THE MOMENT HE SAYS THAT HE DOESNT WANT TO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND HE DOESNT PLAN TO FOR A WHILE AT LEAST UNTIL HE IS OUT OF COLLEGE WHICH I SEE REASONABLE HE IS A GOOD GUY THE BEST IN MY EYES MY HEART BEATS FOR HIM I DONT KNO WAT TO DO, CAN YOU GIVE ME SOME ADVICE, AND SORRY ITS SO LONG

Tell him you love him and that you want to be with him.

I did it once, and it worked out.

I did it again, and it crashed and burned.

See how it turns out for you.

Honestly, I'd say to tell him that you love him and don't like to hqve him cheating on that other girl with you.Tell him that you want him to pick one or the other, but you'll give him all the time he needs to decide.Tell him that You fell like dirt and you'll do anything for him, the problem is that other b!tch.Say something like"I love you, but have problems with that 'other girl' (insert the name if you know it) and don't like being the one that your cheating with on that other girl (again insert name)."You'd probably get pretty far if you didn't pressure him all the time with the subject jest remind him gently of what you asked him of.Just advice.Over and out.

Since the girlfriend and I don't exactly get along (and by that I mean she hates me and I now simply ignore her) he doesn't hang out with both of us at the same time very often. Therefore he can call her the girlfriend (since thats what she is) call me the best friend, treat me like girlfriend number 2 and everything works out.

Hes one to change his mind about everything and anything fairly often (sometimes to the point of contradiction). I don't honestly know what he wants anymore. If he were to leave her she'd be gone in an instant (none of this we can still be friends junk) whereas he knows I'll always be here no matter what. He doesn't want to hurt me and gets terribly upset whenever I cry. He also does the sweetest things for me all the time just to cheer me up.

He spends at least double the amount of time with me as with her because we always have so much fun. We share the same intersts, we like to do the same things for fun, and as well we are very much alike acedemically.

This being said we make awesome best friends and I'd never want to lose that, maybe this is what he is afraid of.

He says best friends, but his definition of a best friend with me equals a girlfriend in my books. So saying he wants to be best friends doesn't really mean best friends, it just means, lets not change anything right now cause thats the easiest for him. (my answers can be so long winded)

that's a good philosophy. however, does that mean that he'd rather stay just friends with you?

He knows how I feel, his philosophy "girlfriends come and go but best friends last forever"

hey there,
wow, you are really going through something tough here, huh. i've been in a similiar situation as you before. well, for the first part, does he know about how you feel for him? do you know if he feels anything in the same way for you? also, what is he doing with his girlfriend? a lot of this depends on how he feels about her and how their relationship is overall. now, the boldest course of action would be (for lack of a less cliched phrase) to profess your love for him and see if he would be willing to end things with this girl and start something with you. now, this might end up to be the best thing, but it could also have disatrous results. his girlfriend would of course be devastated, and if he didnt have feeling for you, then it could be a major blow to your friends ship. a safer course would be to generally feel things out. find out how much he likes her, where he thinks the relationship is going, would he ever break up with her, etc. also, this depends on how he feels about. if you know for sure that he definitely likes you (in that way), you should do somehting about it. however, do nt be sneaky or anything. its good that you havent tried to break them up before. honesty really is always the best policy, becasue trying to sabotage relationships covertly often backfires. Now, good luck!