This boy who I find kind of attractive one-on-one but usually repulsive in large groups was over at my house during a party. We were with three or four other people on the dock in back and all chatting casually and then he tells me "You know, if my IQ were about 100 points higher, I'd date you in a second." Which is sort of sweet, sort of funny, but incredibly frustrating. He's not a dumb boy, and he's in mostly advanced classes, but I just test really well, which kind of makes me come across as off limits.
Another boy (4 years older than me) was driving me and another guy home from a youth group dance. I was in the backseat, and they were talking about qualities they liked in girls. The driver said, at one point, "I want to marry someone just like Bonnie [me]." Besides being totally awkward, it doesn't help when only guys that much older realize that I'm a person and not just a 1520 PSAT and straight A's.
quote: you can be the cleverest person in the world but it doesn't make you wise, I've talked to intelligent people who are also the most narrow-minded d*cks I've ever met. In fact, intelligent narrow-minded people can be worse because they're so convinced they're right.
Too true bex! (and I know exactly who you're referring to).
I'm raised in a family of girls, (4 sisters, then there's me, the baby, plus Mom and Dad, but he's not a girl) All of us girls have inheirited their intelligence, but only two of us really got the true assertiveness. I've been lucky enough to be the smartest of the girls, and one of the more assertive ones too. (I do not mean to brag, not at all, because my sisters and I have discussed stuff like this, and it's apparent of my intelligence)
I know I am hard to handle, mostly because I'm fiercely independent (being the Leo gal I am), and I can be wild-spirited at times. Yet, for all I am, I don't really find it hard to maintain relationships because of my strengths. In fact, I've broken off every relationship, except for one, because I was unhappy. So now, you think I'm arrogant and demanding? Well, to a certain extent, I suppose, except I know relationships are built on more than just traits, (you know, smart, pretty, confident, fat, smelly, etc). When I enter a relationship, I know the person fairly well (defense mechanism on my part). I understand better what they like and don't like, even if it's on a more subconcious level, or psychologically. Because of this understanding, I can give them what they need, while having my own needs being fulfilled.
I don't think guys just want the pretty girls, nor do I think girls are more attracted to the brainy guys. It's really too personal to be lumped together like that.
**Again, if my post comes across as arrogant, or egotistical, I apologize, because it is not my intent. Too often people mistake my manner as prideful and sassy, and that is not at all who I am. This post is not meant to cut down anyone, nor offend anyone, and if it does, I apologize from deep within my heart.**
anyone who is intelligent, independent, confident, and assertive is going to be "harder to handle" than a weak, needy simpleton - whether it's in regards to romantic relationships or political rule.
it's not just boys, either. there are many men that are uncomfortable dating a woman smarter than them or that makes a higher salary. a lot of men like to feel in control - due to biological and sociological reasons presumably - and having a woman that challenges that control is intimidating.
of course, dating a woman that is solely submissive, weak-willed, and a moron gets boring really fast for most of us. for me, the more exciting relationships are with people that continually impress me and make me strive to do the same.
intelligence and confidence are great assets. people that aren't attracted to someone with intelligence are not confident in their own ability to think. however, intelligent/confident people that place themselves on elitist pedastels will find it harder to get dates.
If it looks like I'm putting myself on a pedestal I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound snotty and patronising. I could have taken a self-pitying angle on this if it'd make you feel happier about me being humble but I thought that'd just get on peoples' nerves (oh woe on me, I'm a smart chick who can't get a guy, is it because I'm clever or is there something wrong with me?). Maybe I went too far the other way, I dunno, so just to clarify: I'm not trying to imply that girls are smarter than boys, or that I'm above anyone. Intelligence doesn't place you above anybody, you can be the cleverest person in the world but it doesn't make you wise, I've talked to intelligent people who are also the most narrow-minded d*cks I've ever met. In fact, intelligent narrow-minded people can be worse because they're so convinced they're right.
To return to the original post, I'm only saying that clever girls generally don't seem to get boyfriends so often/quickly/easily as others. I've had conversations about it with people in the past and someone suggested intelligence makes us seem unreachable and can intimidate boys. I was wondering whether this is true and if anyone else agrees. I do think there's something in the intimidation theory, but maybe smart girls are just more picky? In any case I wasn't meaning to pass judgement, only an observation and I'm sorry if I got up anyone's nose.
Dumars: I disagree that intelligence and assertiveness = someone who many don't care for the company of. Why do people classify intelligence as making somebody without warmth? What if an intelligent, assertive person can also make everyone laugh and have a good time just by being around them (just thinking of one of my friends as I write this). I think it's unfair to stick people into categories for these qualities because it is nowhere near all they are. Just like when someone says 'bookworm' you probably think 'antisocial' or 'geek', probably when I stuck the words intelligence and assertiveness together many of you translated it into 'bossy know-it-all'. Please don't! I'd hate to be like that or for people to judge me that way! *hyperventilates* Getting paranoid just thinking about it…:(
Other than that, Dumars, I totally get what you're saying.
Now dont get me wrong I do enjoy someone who has a plan and a way in life but most people who are intelligent and assertive put themselves in the position where most people dont care for their company. Besides you can be smart on several levels, some people are book smart, others are street smart. Some people are intelectually stimulating while others can make you laugh till you cry. Being assertive does not make you a bad person or even a better person than others. What makes you a better person is the fact that you are willing to cross over the invisible boundaries that are placed between people. Being able to take a step back and not analize or try to make someone feel bad because they used a word in the wrong context is a start. Building people up instead of insulting the way they do something is a start as well. Being intelligent is only a blessing in discuise. I read a quote one time that said thinking you know everything will only prove you have learned nothing in life but knowing you have much to learn will trully give you the greatest knowledge of all.
I have a different view on this subject. As a male I personally dont mind a female with a good head on her shoulders and a plan for her life. What I dont like is a woman that thinks she is more intelligent than you with out even taking time to learn anything about you. I just feel that you are being judgemental and need to step off your pedistal so you can humble the not so smart people of the earth.
I am female, and I was voted most intelligent in my class. I also consider myself a very assertive person; basically I tend to argue a lot. I've noticed that a lot of the more "popular" guys seem bothered by intelligent girls, but that's just at my school, the situation may be different elsewhere. Not all guys are bothered by intelligent, assertive girls. The guys I hang out with have always really respected my intelligence and my being opinionated. My boyfriend has always told me that my intelligence is one of my best qualities. As stated in the other replies, the type of people (guys or girls) who are put off by intelligence and assertiveness simply wouldn't be of any interest tor people who demonstrate those qualities. So basically, if someone is bothered by our intelligence they're saving us from having to be around someone we weren't compatable with anyway.
this is true amoung the "popular" "people." For the rest of us norms it is something that troubles both male and female. But don't be upset, i a sure that it is 99% their fault.
It is in fact true that some guys are put off by itellegent assertive girls. They figure they are "geeks", and aren't worth their time. Some think they're too smart for their own good, and come up with other stupid excuses because they can't get laid. I'm a girl, and I'm intelligent, and that puts me at an advantage over most people. I personally have no trouble with guys, and guys have no trouble with me. Guys seem to prefer the blonde types because they figure their dumb, and they can be large and in charge. When you're intelligent it sets you apart from the crowd and it attract a better group of persons to you(It singles out the jerks and keeps them at a distance). I do not have a problem with guys making fun of or ignoring a girl because they areintimidated by them (I'm down-right disgusted by it) That's my opinion so, Z-ya later
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