How is it that someone who normally speaks to me only once every 2-3 weeks, who thinks nothing of sending me away b/c she's "busy" several times in a row when I IM her, does this:

On Sept 6, I emailed her, saying that for reasons I would explain when the time period was up, I would not be speaking to her until my fall break (Oct 6-10), or later if I didn't have internet access during that time. She emailed me later that day, just telling me she hoped I did well in school, etc, etc., and casually asking why I was doing this as if it was just something she happened to remember at the last minute. Five days later, she sent me an IM which b/c it was sent at 1:25 p.m. I assume was during her lunch break, asking me again why I would not be speaking to her for so long. She asked calmly, but made it clear this question was the whole reason for attempting to start a conversation with me. Today (9/15), her comments (at 12:57, so also during precious lunch break)were "Dude,what the **** are you up to?" and when I didn't respond, "Fine, I'll leave you alone." She sounds upset about this. This is the first time she has ever made any communication w/ me twice in one week during the school year. Why does this bother her so much that she contacts me 3 times in 9 days?

I have no earthly clue cause i can't follow your post......sorry

Stop being so paranoid, socrates.

Well jeez, the girl already seems to thinks that she is being jerked around in some way. Shes obviously not going to do exactly what you say. Shes trying to show you that you are not her master and she is not desperate and just waiting to hear from you so she can do your bidding. At least those would be my thoughts.

Silence has been broken. My eternal gratitude to those of you who advised me to not get mad at my friend. I would've hated myself for a long time if I'd ruined such an important friendship over a petty argument. I sent a letter on Friday, which was received on Monday. It asked for a phone call or email in response, but instead yesterday (Tues) I got an IM while I was away from the computer, informing me that a response was in the mail. Out of curiosity, does anyone have any idea why she would disobey my explicit instructions and choose this method instead? Knowing her there has to be a subtle message embedded in this; who can give me an idea of what it could be?

What hidden meanings, pray tell, do you think she is reading into this? I don't see any hidden meanings one could read into such a situation; maybe if I understood I would be more inclined to reverse my decision. It's not like this is what I want... If it was avoidable I wouldn't have done any of this. There's still hope for a good outcome but it dims every moment I fail to understand what's going on.

She probably feels like you're breaking HER trust, even though you see it as her not trusting you. Out of the blue, you tell her you're not going to talk to her, and don't tell her why. She most likely feels betrayed. It might not be logical, but that's how I would feel. But girls can get a little obsessive about things like this. It's probably blown way out of proportion in her mind, and that's why it doesn't make sense to you. She's reading all these hidden meanings into it...you can see it in the way she took the trust/fall thing personally. She thinks this means a lot more than it does. I wouldn't stop talking to her just over this. Just trying to give you my perspective on the whole thing. Love, Jen.

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Even if you said it wasn't her fault, it most likely just sounded patronizing or she just didn't buy it.

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If that's the case, she doesn't trust me and probably hasn't really trusted me any of the time we've been friends. And if she's actually worried that she's done something wrong, then she has no right to be angry. If she knows her conduct has been blameless, then why the **** doesn't she trust me when I say I will explain it all afterward? Maybe I am being an ***; that's the only option I see. I put up with her ignoring me for a month this summer, after telling me she'd talk to me in a few days. If she can't tolerate my absence when at least I was honest about it, and when she's busier than I was while she was away, there's huge problem here which is only going to result in future bickering. My decision is the one which will bring the greatest long-term happiness for both parties.

I'm sorry to say this, but I think you're being an ***. You go all mysterious on her, saying you're not going to talk to her. And, generally, when people refuse to talk to you, it means you did something wrong. Even if you said it wasn't her fault, it most likely just sounded patronizing or she just didn't buy it. So now she's curious, frustrated, annoyed, and worried that she's done something wrong. And you're blaming her, saying now you don't even want to talk to her. And you did all this for some obscure psychological purging. It may be legit to you, but she doesn't have a clue what's going on. I'd be ticked at you, for sure. You just dropped her, albeit temporarily, with no explanation. She has a right to be mad. Love, Jen.

This started b/c I've been a bit envious the whole time I've known my friend. Her SAT score was 150 pts higher than mine But now that the envy has shifted (I got into college two years younger than she will), I felt it would be a good idea to take some time to eliminate all the negative feelings I've had toward her for the last two years. Given that her unreliability in responding to my emails is a cause of negativity, I felt the best way to do this was by taking some time to do the emotional purging by myself, and then explain everything afterward. Since she normally isn't bothered by only having a conversation once every 3 weeks, I didn't expect to be missed until at east then. But the insolent IMming has changed everything. Now the possibility of achieving my goal for the month is shattered. My reason has changed; I no longer wish to speak to her. If she has a legit reason for disliking my absence she'll eventually have to apologize to end it; if not then maintaining contact is only going to make me unhappy. Goodbye.

Why can't you talk to her? You never explained that.

Why are women generally so insecure?

Heh. They always tried to make me do that trust fall crap in gym class. I still maintain that there was no way they could hold up my fat arse. And what the heck does gym have to do with psychological health anyway? Its none of their business if I have trust issues.

But yeah women are sometimes a little touchy about these sorts of things, and we do sometimes tend to think that other people's worlds revolve around us...

My silence is not her fault, and I assured her of this ahead of time. But I do have important emotional reasons for making this decision. I also promised to explain everything afterward. So what's her problem? I don't understand this. And on last Thursday, whiledoing homework, I put up an away message regarding a psychological mini-experiment often used to develop trust between people, something my psychologist made me do on my first visit to him (have one person stand behind, and the other must fall, completely trusting that he/she will be caught). At the end of the away message i had something about "if you'd be unwilling to do this you don't trust me, so why are you even talking to me?" and responded with "who the **** says I don't trust you?" as if this message was aimed directly at her. Now I'm worried it may be best not to speak to her even once my fall break begins. If she's going to be a ***** I'm better off not dealing with her.

PMS maybe?

don't know what you've got 'till it's gone. She took your talking to her for granted and wants you around now that you're not.

Isn't it obvious? You're blanking her, ya big drama queen!

She's puzzled cause she doesn't know what she did wrong, and not talking that often is different to telling her you definitely aren't going to speak to her for however long.

Are you in a mood with her? If you are just talk about it. If you're not, then talk about it.

Talking Good, help people understand.

hope that helps.

I think penmagic is right.

Wouldn't you think your friend was betraying you if you told her that you wouldn't talk to her because of some "reason that you can't say".

Maybe she is a control freak.