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1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
That's not a good thing.
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2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
That's because female bodies are more ... nice too look at supposedly or so they say.
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3. You know stuff about tanks.
And?
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4. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Hah! I can take ONE BACKPACK and be good. BEAT THAT!
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5. Monday Night Football.
I love football!
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6. You don't have to monitor your friend's sex lives.
That's because guys can't get pregnant. Duh.
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7. Your bathroom lines are 80 percent shorter.
At my school the guys don't want to use the bathroom because they usually get jumped in there.
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8. You can open all your own jars.
I can do that. My Dad couldn't open a pickle jar, but I opened it.
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9. Old friends don't give a crap whether you lost or gained weight
I don't care if my friends gain or lose weight, unless the friend is anorexic.
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10. Drycleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
And that is our fault because why again?
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11. When clicking through the channels you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
Huh? I don't usually watch TV, unless it is sports, news, Dr. Phil or Fear Factor.
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12. Your butt is never a factor in job interviews.
How do you know? Girls don't look at guys butts?
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13. All your orgasms are real.
Not always.
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14. A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Beer guts are gross.
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15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
You never heard of a guy getting attacked?
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16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
I don't do that. I put my wallet in my pocket.
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17. You understand why Stripes is funny.
Sick humor?
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18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
I can... I try at least, they just fallow. I can't help it! I've gone plenty of times by myself. I don't fallow if my friends are going to go, I don't see the point.
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19. Your last name stays put.
Girls can keep their last names.
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20. You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
I don't make mine when I am at a hotel.
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21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
I don't do that, I don't care if people hate me. I usually have done something for them to hate me.
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22. You can kill your own food.
I killed animals before... (ducks) for food.
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23. The garage is all yours.
I dominate the garage, my crap is everywhere.
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24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Huh? What act of thoughtfulness?
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25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
And women ... don't?
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26. Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
ECK! I don't wonder if girls swallow. WTF.
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27. You never have to clean a toilet.
Guys do, when they live by themselves. And if I ever get married, the guy is doing the toilet.
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28. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
I can do that. Shower in 4 minutes, get dressed in 3 and fix my hair in 3 minutes. IT'S POSSIBLE. I did that today as a matter of fact.
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29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
We can't help that people think girls are ****s if they have sex.
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30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Guys better help with the wedding plans.
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31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
I don't care if someone forgot about me, I forget people.
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32. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
You can buy underwear that cheap.
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33. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
And?
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34. You don't have to shave below your neck.
Some guys shave below the neck.
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35. None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.
I wouldn't cry over a coworker, unless they died.
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36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
You never know...
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37. If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.
I don't notice if women are 34 and single. I don't really care.
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38. You can write your name in the snow.
And we can't? Wait... ECK! That's raunchy...
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39. You can get into a non-trivial pissing contest.
And that is bad because why again?
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40. Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
Not all women wear makeup. I only do on occasion. (weddings, parties)
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41. Chocolate is just another snack.
Chocolate is gross...
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42. You can be president.
But! Women can run and win.
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43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
I like not having to drive, how is that bad?
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44. Flowers fix everything.
Nope. Wrong. Very.
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45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
Are you trying to say guys are insensitive jerks?
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46. You get to think about sex 90 percent of your waking hours.
What's the point?
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47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Girls can, they just have to have something underneath.
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48. Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
I only have 3 pairs...
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49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
You CAN'T eat in stores. DUH.
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50. You can say anything ("Wow, do my balls hurt!") and not worry about what people will think.
My friend Krista says 'I have a wedgie' or 'My butt itches' all the time.
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51. Foreplay is optional.
And?
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52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
I hate Michael Bolton!
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53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
Huh? People say dirty jokes around me all the time.
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54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
Girls can do that, if they have something underneath.
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55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by.
I don't do that.
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56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
I don't care. They can do whatever the hell they want, just as long as they don't whine to me about it afterwards.
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57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
How do you know? Car mechanics give my Dad **** all the time.
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58. You don't give a rat's *** if anyone notices your new haircut.
I don't care if people notice my new haircut, it bugs me if people always go 'Nice haircut!'
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59. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy without ever thinking, 'He must be mad at me.'
I don't talk to people during a game, and if people talk to me I tell them to shut up.
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60. The world is your urinal.
You can't pee in public, so no it's not.
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61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you.
I don't do that.
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62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
Girls can slap stuff.
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63. Hot wax never comes near your ***** area.
It'll never come near mine ... that's all I can say.
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64. One mood, all the time!
I'm one mood! ME!
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65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
I don't give a **** about Clint Eastwood.
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66. You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too sleazy.
I don't give a **** about gas stations, they're all the same to me.
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67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
I know 3. Hands, mouth or an object. You can always snap the top off too. Who cares. You open it, you open it.
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68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you're wearing.
If you never wear a short skirt or a short dress (like me!) you don't have a problem.
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69. Same work ... more pay!
Sexist government.
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70. Gray hair only adds to your character.
Yeah, but men think that women with gray hair are ugly. So you wonder why we don't like it ... duh.
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71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency ****** adjustment.
Huh? I don't do that ... man, I must be weird.
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72. Wedding dress: $2,000. Tuxedo rental: $75.
David's Bridal: $100. Making your own: $50. Borrowing: Priceless! Returning it AFTER the wedding: Free with a money back guarantee!
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73. You don't care if someone's talking about you behind your back.
I don't care either. People can go screw themselves.
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74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
And it's our fault we have to carry kids for 9 months?
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75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
Unless you're sharing. There is a difference.
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76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
Huh?
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77. The remote control is yours and yours alone.
The remote control is mine and mine only because I have my own TV.
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78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
And that is our fault because?
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79. ESPN's SportsCenter.
I watch that...
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80. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
I never bring gifts if I am going to see a friend and my friends don't either.
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81. Bachelor parties whomp *** over bridal showers.
That is why you have a Bachelorette party
and a bridal shower.
2 is better than 1.
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82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
And women can't?
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83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
How do you know?
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84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
I don't say that, I say 'I need to go to the bathroom/restroom, be right back.' Is that wrong?
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85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friend you've changed.
I don't do that... Heh.
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86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
And that is a good thing?
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87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*ck it."
And?
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88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.
I don't care if someone has the same outfit as me.
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89. Princess Di's death was just another obituary.
And?
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90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
My sister belches on command. And my friend Brickelle belches like a guy.
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91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you are not in the mood.
And?
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92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
That just shows you some guys are immature jerks, so what's so great about that?
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93. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.
I don't hit it with a hammer, but I toss it. Unless if it is a TV, computer or something like that, but if it is a calculator I toss it on the floor. :shrugs:
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94. New shoes don't blister, cut or mangle your feet.
I don't get shoes like that... Wow.
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95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
That's because guys produce them.
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96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
I don't remember stuff like that either...
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97. Not liking a person doesn't preclude having great sex with them.
And?
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98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with, "So ... notice anything different?"
My friends don't do that either.
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99. Baywatch.
Baywatch = Dumb.
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100. There's always a game on somewhere
And?
Damn that took forever...
I like being a girl. The only thing I hate is periods (cramps included), bra shopping, *****y girls and ***** guys.
-Sunset
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