Sex is a normal thing. Some people have normal needs for it, as in, just plain sex. Others, have more complicated fantasies, such as being kidnapped, or necrophilia (sex with the dead), sadistic (wrong spelling?) sex, etc.

I was talking about a year ago with my mom about people's desires (yes, my parents are very open minded). I asked her, if she ever felt embarrassed of her desires, and she answered "no". Of course, my next question was "Have you any odd fantasy?", and I was stunned when, my usual open-minded mom, just said "No! That stuff is disgusting!". I was appalled. So, I've talked to other people about the same topic, and I'm amazed at how society, our parents, teachers, etc, somehow tries makes us unconsciously believe that sexual fantasies are innappropiate, wrong, and to embarrassed about. So I found some info yesterday on the topic...

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What sets us humans apart from the rest of the animal kingdom is not simply opposing thumbs but our ability to reason. With that comes the ability to dream from which we get the desire to learn about ourselves as well as the world around us. While the rest of nature is surviving and adapting by instinct alone, humanity survives because we have an adaptive brain that functions on multiple levels of thought and consciousness; constantly working on cause and effect relationships within the world around us. Sexuality, whether you like it or not, is a major part in our psyche. To ignore it only serves to stifle the brain, making us something less than we really are.

What sets us apart as human beings is our level of culture, traditions, and social attitudes that have been acquired over the millenia. We are all products of our environments... each and every one of us. Sure, much of our make up is genetic but I tend to think that just as equally we are also influenced by life once we have left the womb. Nature simply provides us with the various abilities to survive in this world, but it's our personal experiences (and our interpretation of those experiences) as we continue to live life, that makes us who we are and how we define ourselves and evolve sexually.

And that leads us to what sets us apart as Americans from the rest of the world sexually. Actress Marlene Dietrich was quoted to have said, "Sex. In America an obsession; in other parts of the world, fact." We have a very difficult time accepting our own sexuality, both individually and as a nation. Sure, much of this stems from the religious roots of the first explorers and the melting pot diversity of our population. But progress is slow in acknowledging just how major an influence sex is in this country and to us as individuals in it. It's a sad state of affairs when we can't include that one element that makes the existence of humanity possible, sex, as having a daily role in our culture beyond just the bedroom.

All this adds up to the sexual variety within each of us. Our individual thoughts, dreams.. and fantasies set us apart from each other. But that difference forces us to come together, to share and communicate and express our passion. We are individuals yet we are social creatures.. requiring physical touch and emotional understanding from others of our own kind. The challenge to each of us remains how far we wish to share our innermost thoughts and desires and with whom. But the end result.. when we are fortunate to find that one person that draws out our individual sexual essence.. is a bonding of more than just our physical parts, but with our soul. It's all about simply being human.

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So, do you think we should be embarrassed about our desires? Should we try to hide them? Do you think they're wrong? Have you had a hard time because you have a certain desire that isn't accepted? Any other comments?

Ok, we've covered the weird desires, what about more normal fantasies? Um... I don't know... something more "average"... like wanting to have sex in the sea? Or something like that?

Also, some people with odd fantasies aren't psychos, nor they act on their desires, it's just there. But others do act on them. So we can't judge people with odd fantasies as a whole.

If you have them, DON'T MENTION THEM. Don't even act like you have them, just go to therapy or something. Talk to yourself. Just don't think like that. If you want to have sex, great. Fantastic, but don't have fantasies, that just makes it worse. You might as well go out and rape someone to fulfil your fantasy. What goes on in your head, should stay in your head (In this catagory atleast). So YES, you should be embarrassed about your desires, but no, you shouldn't mention them or even be thankful that you have them. In fact, you should be ashamed.

Some people on this board have written that you should not be shamed of any of your fantasties no matter how wild. I strongly disagree with this statement. Should the 38 year old man that finds his 8 year old step-daughter attractive go ahead and indulge his fantasties? Should the boy who gets excited over the idea of being in control during sex completely allow this feeling to go and end up raping a girl so that he can get off to this sensation he has been desiring? I also do not understand how anyone could ever WANT to have someone role play that they were raping them. If they had ever truely expirenced this type of tramatic event they would be able to understand how sickening it sounds. Dont get me wrong, I believe sex should be fun, enjjoyable; but not all urges all totally healthy. This is how i feel.

I agree, I asked because I am amazed anyone would do that.

I think that's more totally nuts than anything else, Celtic.

Jamaica, be careful, you're gonna fall for one guy who says he loves you, have sex, and then regret it.

Also, I added the necrophilia thing because I heard of a woman who was willing to let a man killer her for sex. Do you think that's crazy?

This is a really interesting topic. As the passage Celtic posted points out, human sexuality is different from the sexuality of other animals because of our more comprehensive brains, heritage, and environment. The result is an amazing reservoir of creative sexual ideas that come from our minds, that many of us choose to never drink from. That is why I find it annoying when people are so stuck on the idea that sex is just sex...optional foreplay, definite penetration, optional cuddling, repeat ad naseum. Even more annoying are the religious cooks who tell you that the forementioned way is God's way, and anything else is a sick idea of a perverse, unholy mind.

Obviously, some things have to be taboo, and that's not a concept only existing in America. But if you're one of the unfortunate people who does have strong desires to act out on something completely unacceptable in all branches of society (e.g., necrophilia or rape), I think it's certainly wrong to go all the way with the desire, but I don't think it's wrong to explore it in a safe and sane way. Gross as it sounds, if a man obsessed with having sex with a corpse got a partner willing to pretend to be a corpse, it might be beneficial to his whole being. Likewise, a girl secretly harboring urges to get raped could ask her partner to pretend to be a rapist for the evening.

But nobody should be ashamed of their desires, no matter how bizarre they might be. I have a strong suspicion that you have to be bright to be kinky, and I have a stronger suspicion that those who allow their kinkiness to flow are the happiest with their sex lives.

Do you really think that having sex with whomever you want is actually the sahring of the soul??? Yes, maybe, passions... but not the soul. I think that those who psychologists who wrote about sexuality stuff are merely relating their own experiences, not in general.
To me, sex can only be passionate, real, intimate and soulful if you have shared your body, heart and soul to your one and only partner, not to lots and lots of them.
Also, its not about sexuality anymore. Being comfortable with your own sexuality doesnt mean you have to accomplish this by having sex with several partners. Being comfortable with sexuality comes from having shared body and soul with your soulmate (and i mean the soulmate you have married, not the soulmate you are just assuming who is with you right now)
And if, people will still continue to have sex with just about anyone, theni would think, we are not humans.. i would think that we are like the animals who dont care who their mate is as long as they are able to satisfy their own sexual needs.

No, i think we shouldnt be embarrassed about our desires, unless we do it in a way that is "too much"...
I mean, really, i think that as humans we all have the decency to be embarrassed. Such as, "would you ever masturbate in public" or "would you ever pee in public?"... Stuff like that are things that make us control ourselves not to let other people see coz we are humans. We have the capacity to know what to do or what to say or what not to say. We also have the capacity to think....
But sometimes, some people really do stuff "too much" which i think is psychotic (such as having sex with the dead) Promiscuity (such as having sex with whomever and whenever you can) and attention lover (such as people who do weird stuff or curse out loud while walking in the streets and stuff like that.
As i have said in my post about Abstinence, sex is a natural need for humans but we are not animals... Animals ( like dogs and cats) dont have the capacity to think so they go on and on mating whenever and whomever they meet.
I dont think we should be embarrassed with our desires so long as our desires are for good intentions and not lewd or psychotic or disgusting or for selfish reasons.
Desires are great, but if its too much, its not good already.

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Honestly, You all seem to say that it is indeed okay to express your desires, but just so that you dont act upon them.

I believe that your sexuality is your choice, it should not be anyone elses buisness... If your not hurting anyone(who doesn't want to be hurt(sadism..bd/sm ect)) Then who cares what you are doing..

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Well, I'm not saying it's wrong to act on your desires always, it's not. If it's something that isn't hurting anyone, then you may do as you wish. I was simply referring that "some" desires may not be appropriate to act on because they harm others, such as the kidnapping and sadistic examples Celtic provided in the original post.

Honestly, You all seem to say that it is indeed okay to express your desires, but just so that you dont act upon them.

I believe that your sexuality is your choice, it should not be anyone elses buisness... If your not hurting anyone(who doesn't want to be hurt(sadism..bd/sm ect)) Then who cares what you are doing..

Hmmmm... I think that, if you tend to desire something quite a bit, that you should try to get to it.

Desiring things isn't something to be ashamed of, neither is acting upon them, unless they're seriously harmful to someone/something (think animals, or people that get off on pretending to rape someone)

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Necrophilia and Sadistic desires should definately be shared as well, especially if a person wants to act out on these desires, which can create problems.

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Didin't gov. Shwarzneggerwhatever put a law to stop sex with corpses? eek, maybe he's a necrophile.

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As for whether people should hide the desires, in most circumstances, it would be inappropriate to share them. Little Johnny should not be explaining to his algebra teacher the dream he had involving his pet dog. (Going for a very strange eample to make a point here.) If you have someone you can talk to about these sorts of things, and you feel the need to, then there's nothing wrong with that.

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I agree. I mean, like sharing with people who've the same interest, not screaming it in public lol.

I don't think people should be embarassed at all, in fact i think people should be more open about it. Necrophilia and Sadistic desires should definately be shared as well, especially if a person wants to act out on these desires, which can create problems. But I think you should be able to have any kind of fantasy you want, just be careful if you decide to act it out.

I don't think anyone should be embarrassed about their desires. Beating oneself up for thinking something makes no sense, because thoughts are pretty damn hard to control. Also, thinking something, good or bad, doesn't mean anything, unless you act upon such a thought.

As for whether people should hide the desires, in most circumstances, it would be inappropriate to share them. Little Johnny should not be explaining to his algebra teacher the dream he had involving his pet dog. (Going for a very strange eample to make a point here.) If you have someone you can talk to about these sorts of things, and you feel the need to, then there's nothing wrong with that.

Ultimately, there's nothing wrong with thinking such things, it's just how you act on it. Obviously from the examples you provided at the top of your post acting on some of these desires would be wrong. But thinking about it? Na.