unfortunately my b/f passed away a couple days ago. i have been cutting extra deep now. he was the ONLY one tht i could talk to and now hes dead. i would always tell him without u id kill myself. and now hes gone...all of my friends almost forgot it even happened which makes me sick to my stomach. and the other day one of them made a joke about suicide and i ran to the bathroom and cried for over an hour. they all dont know i cut. its been REALLY hard tho. so i know how u feel

If you can, try and get some help from someone who can help you quit. i know what its like to have people treat you differently because they know you do it. my roommates just found out a week ago, and they have become very distant to me, and we hardly ever talk. this makes it even harder not to cut. although i promised myself i wouldn't. you gotta find someone who understands and will hold you accountable for when you do it, but understand you when you fail. it can be hard to find someone like that, expecially because the people closest to you are the ones you don't want to hurt, and them knowing about you cutting yourself is hard on them. so hey monkey i'm here for ya. drop me a word if you need anything, talking it out can help.

i used to use a ruber band but my wrist would get all swollen because i got overly obssesed w/ it. my friends who dont know i still cut would figer it out. i still dont want them to know. they look at me like im an alian and i just dont feel cofertible around them if i do tell them. its like they have to watch what they say. thats what they did when they did know. i had swimming last year and i tryed so damn hard to hide it. some of the other girls almost found out. but since all of my friends knew then they helped me hide the scars. they were on my shoulder. soon they faided but i had moved to my wrist so it was easer to hide. my friends would look at me like i am a stranger they see and dont talk to if i told them. and they would think i was after attention or trying to kill myself. if i wanted attention i would show every one the big cuts i have and if i wanted to kill myself...well i would have done it a long time ago.

i hate how hard it is to stop. and i hate the whole everybody thinks you're doing it for attention thing. because if i was doing it for attention, i'd let people see it. but i hide it. and people don't understand. they're like, you're in control just don't do it. i mean you have the knife/razor whatever just don't do it. if it was that easy i wouldn't do it. we just gotta stick through. lately if i feel like cutting i go for a walk. or take a perminate marker to my arm. or, if i want to feel pain. i take a hair elastic and snap it against my skin, its better than putting a cut in your arm. its so hard to quit.

every one has a reason of cuttin. somtimes not the best. but we can stop. the only problem is its the hardest damn thing ever. people i know dont get it. they say i just want attention. so i told them i stoped last year. but i didnt. i just wanted them to see me as a normal person. the truth is i try to stay away from people because they try and give you there pity and i hate that. i hate them feeling sorry for me because that just makes me want to cut more. i hope things work out for the best for every one. like my friend always says things always get better. even if your reasponce is not soon enough. it always does.

thanks that help. but i found out today that i cant get emasipated till i turn 14 or 16 or somthin. i do turn 14 in dec though. i guess that helps. but not much. i dont even want to be here any more. i dont know why i still am. i feel theres nothin left for me. the one guy i truely love and understands me has a gf and doesnt love me back. hes like my best friend though. i promised him i wouldnt kill myself. but i wish i didnt make that promise. i have him to talk to and i know he wont tell any one beause hes just not that kind of person. i also have my shrink but well much thats doin. " stop cuttin it not good" well maybe thats not what she says directly but damn close enough. and sorry about your boyfriend i hope he gets well.

my wrist is all bandaged, i cut really bad over a week ago. and well, its still a gaping split in my wrist, it needs stitches really bad, but i don't like doctors. it won't heal. sometimes i feel that thats how i am. someone who can't heal. past pain, i seem to carry with me. how would you like to be scared of human touch? to have someone hug you and as soon as they let go. all you wanna do is take a knife and cut deep. to see the blood. i'm seeing a councillor tomorow. first time ever, scared like crazy. i'm pretty messed up sometimes, had a lot of messed up things happen. i have no one, except my boyfriend. he's amazing, but he's so far away. 12 hours. my parents don't care after i moved out on them they disowned me. i had to leave though, i stopped cutting for a while after i left. my mom phoned me, thats what made me cut again. she reminded me of why i use to cut in the first place, why i left home. i have to fix this. it aint right. it hurts the ppl who actually give a damn about me. my boyfriend almost cried when i told him that i did it again... i can't do this to him again...

ur not alone Monkey400 because i started cutting when i was seven years old and i still havent stopped. im 16 now and its still a problem. i dont cut to kill myself (most of the time) i do it just to feel pain. it feels good like it releases all the anger and sorrow inside me. i can see why ur life is so hard. my boyfriend was joking around and dove into a cory. he attempted doing a flip and his head hit the stone. he's alive but barely. he's on one of thos life venelatros and is in a coma. i think the best way to get over it is to try talking to someone. and if u feel u have noone to talk to call the suicide hotline i call about once a week and just talk to the same person. she deosnt know who i am so i can tell her everything and not feel like she is untrustworthy. everything is on a first name basis and she gives me some good coping methods (unfortunately i still cut) but not as deep as i used to. good luck! i know ull get through this. just keep trying

Hey no ones been talkin for a while but i need to so here goes nothin...Well the other day i cut like really really deep. only two of my friends know. I hate lieing to my other friends and i hate being pushed around by my dad. Thats why im leavin home. im no longer going to live with my dad. its like i try to do or say something and he takes it the wrong way and yells at me. He gets mad easy. he says i have no idea what the real word is like with all the sick pervs who rape girls. When the truth is he doesnt know what hes talking about. Because i have been raped and it happened when i was littler for a year and a half and he says i know squat about it. i almost told him to shut the fuck up because i knew a lot more about it then he does. i almost killed my self after that. but instead i just cut really deep, like i said. and i could stick my pinky fingure nail through it. it stoped bleeding on the 3rd day. i promised my freind Cody i wouldnt kill myself. even if i really wanted to. but its hard sometimes. not cuttin. i havent for a week only cause i never have any privasy. my dad think i do drugs (which of course i dont) and i have no me time. i cant wait to leave.

Hey i know how you feel. i lied to my friends for a while too and every now and then i still do. But all my friends think i have really stopped now so yeah. just remember that there are people who love and care about you even if you feel that no one sees you. thats what i thought. but thats not why i started. i really cant tell any one why i started because i dont know. when my dad first found out i cut he thought i was going to kill myself. but im not that stupid. i have cut myself more lately because i have been haveing nightmares about the man who raped me. well i you ever need some one to talk to you can always e mail me at monkeybutt400@yahoo.com

this is my first time on this site, ive recently had major issues with my mother lately, she feels that i have destroyed her life. my older sister has the same sentiment. i began to cut myself about three months ago to get attention, cuz i felt neglected, but when ppl asked what happened, id lie and say i got scratched by my cat or cut myself on accident. then one night about a week ago, out of nowhere i went into this really depressed and lonely mood. i began to cut myself in earnest, but then felt guilty about it and imed my boyfriend ryan. he talked me out of continuing, and i promised him id stop and never do it again. but in the past couple of days ive gotten depressed again, who knows why, and ive thought of cutting myself more and deeper each time. im at a loss as to what to do, i cant tell anyone what i do, cuz theyd all judge me. but i dont like what im doing to myself, and it hurts more and more each time, and i feel giulty lying to ryan everytime he sees me.
i dont know what to do anymore

Well i cut because I get treated really bad and its just a way of releasing all that kinof bad stuff. my dad calls me names. I am trying realy hard to stop because i have met some one who has showed me a good side to the world for once.

who calls u a crybaby??? and why?! and the "B' word? is that why u cut??

yeah that's true it does take one to know one. this is about the only place i can talk about cutting and how i feal without being called a bicth or a cry baby.(even if it was 11:00pm at night!)

no problem monkey400 its just how the world is and it takes one to know one if u know what i mean. a counselor can never help with such things becuz they quite frankly dont know wat its like

I didn't try to kill myself and I'm sorry bout your friends. The I did do was cut really deep. watch the blood flow like the river that killed her. I have my counsoler. but it isn't all that much help taking to her cause she just keeps asking me about my dad and how I'm getting along with him. That's about all she talks about. and other than her and YN there is no one really to talk to. They don't understand. They never lost some one when they were 13. my friends think I stopped cutting and if they find out they tell some adoult who will tell my dad who thinks I want to kill myself and if I really wanted to do that I would have. Thanks for talking to me.

i had TWO friends who have gone through he exact same thing...it was heartbreaking at times because our lil gang of three was whittled down to one and we all drifted apart. One of my friend tried to hang herself at my house one weekend and frankly scared the hell out of me. by the time i found her and cut her down she had slipped into a coma and didnt wake up again so im letting you know; find help as early as possible cause its just like cancer, if u catch it early while its smaller and harmless its possible to stop it, if u wait till its huge and fatal it will be uncontrollable and unstoppable.

I'd suggest talking to someone about how yu feel. It's hard on everyone when someone dies, especially a close friend. make sure you don't bottle up your emotions. Goodluck.

this morning I found one of my best friends had past away in the hospital. I never really got to say good bye. Her name was Alexa. She wasunder water for two minutes before anyone foung her. I 1:09 and I can't sleep knowing she will never be a vet like she wanted and I haven't seen her since the 5th grade. It's been so long and she is gone. I was going to visit all my friends I never got to say goodbye to. But now I cant say good bye to her and I just I miss her. She was like my best friend. we would read Madison Fin books together. But she's dead and she was only 13. It's really sad. And I can't sleep. I guess I will have to get over it some day.[URL=Life is a lesson. You learn it when your through]Life is a lesson. You learn it when your through[/URL]

Monkey, Im so sorry you feel like no one in your real life cares. Remember that you have just about all of us on YN. And if your dad thinks like that you seriously need to ignore him. You can e-mail me any time you need to talk at duckygirl127@hotmail.com