I can't take it anymore, I'm just so fed-up, so tired of having to keep it inside. It's painful, and I don't know if I should seek professional help or just shut-up about it....ugh.
I don't know, I don't know if this is the way to do it, or if this is giving too much information. I don't wanna be a drama queen, or seek sympathy from other people, I just need to get this out, I need to...gah.
So I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna say it, I'm gonna use this thread to adress some people that have hurt me so badly, in every way, physically, emotionally, and mentally. If you wanna use it for the same thing fill free to do so.
Well here I go.

You hurt me, in the worst possible way anyone could have ever hurt me. I was only a child and you didn't care. You didn't care about my innocence or that fact that I was so fragile and helpless. Still you did it, you harrased me and you pretended like it never happend. I was afraid, confused and I didn' know what to think, who to turn to or how to react. I kept it inside, for many years I did. I was suicidal and I began hurting myself. Did you know that? Did you know that what you did to me had an effect on me I still can't control? Did you know that I cry at night when I turn the radio so no one can hear me cry? No, you didn't know that, because you only came to harm me and left. I can't believe my family trusted you to take care of me. But I don't blame my parents, they are the best thing that happend to me and they didn't know about your perverted mind. How dare you come into my life and hurt me like this. How dare you hurt my sister. There where times when I so close to just kill myself, or maybe even kill you. But I never saw you again, you better be glad I didn't. Last thing I heard about you was that you escaped from jail and that you were there on charges of children sexual abuse. How dare you hurt other children the way you hurt me. You don't deserve life you know that? Did you know that you everytime I wore something I was ashamed of showing any body parts? Did you know that I didn't want guys to look at me because I felt unworthy, sick. You took away so much from my life, my time, my innocence. I've fought so much to let this go, to make it go away, and still you come back in my dreams, in flashbacks. I am just fed-up and hurt. But I can't let you win, I can't. You might have triumpth in the beggining, but I can't let you win. You will not control my life. I am not going to let you inflect fear on me. I am no longer a child. So many times I thought, I hate you. But your not going to turn me into a bitter person, you are not, I'm not going to let this happen! I don't wanna give-up. Even now, feeling weak, I can't let you win. I am not going to be another statistic. You will mean nothing to me, I will make sure of that. I'm going to turn it around and help people. I'm going to use this experience for good. Can you see how you haven't yet destroyed my life? And een if I am crying, it doesn't mean that I've lost. It doesn't. I will win.

(YN members, sorry if you had to hear this)

Quebarda:
wow, thanks. I appreciate your comments. Thank you. I'll noisemail you, sure, or you can noisemail me, if you want. You know, it was good to get it out after all. Though was somewhat sadden because I don't like to be a burden to anyone. But I'm doing really good now, thank God.

I'm so genuinly sorry. I can't put it into words, it must have been so terrible. I think your attitiude is right, though. You're not going to let it take you over, and I think that's a sign of mental recovery in a way.
Everyone saying you should just keep your mouth shut is, in my opinion, wrong. We all have things we need to talk about, and when there's nobody else to turn to I think YN is a good place to talk about it, especially because people would hopefully not be biased about what you're saying from the start. If you don't want to read about her situation, don't read and then complain that she shouldn't bother and no one wants to read it. Some of us actually care about other peoples' problems, and some of us also need to get things out. Anyone saying that she shoudln't have posted this: the next time you have something personal, even if not this serious, that you need to talk about, why don't YOU try holding it in and not saying it? Just don't be hypocritesm ok? Don't tell other people to shut up about themselves andthen go complain about your own problems, because I'll bet there'll be people who're just going to tell you to sut up like you're telling them, and I doubt you'll be happy then.

YouthVoice, I'm really sorry, again, and if you want to NOISEmail me about anything, whenever, I'd be really happy to talk with you or help with any problems. Same goes for everyone else.

~Quebby~

Sinner:
I'll noisemail you, okay? Thanks.

Jen:
Thank you girl.

Darling, you have spent so much time helping others (me included) that you deserve a little me, me, me time. Heaven knows, I whine about my life all the time, and I haven't been through something like this. It will all work out for good; you are strong enough to get through this, to turn it around, to win. Love, Jen.

wow..thats the first time today I've cried,thats soo sad I know how you feel noisemail me sometime,please I need help too not to be a drama Queen either but I can't take what I'm going through alone

I can relate. You did good keep on letting it out. Find an outlet writting is good so is music. The drums are the best you can bang it all out

Thanks, I will email you one of this days.

i think the thread was ok. it must feel really really good to let it out.. i understand how u feel.. i dont really know how it feels but i kinda understand...

U GUYS..i think it was just ok for her to tell us that.. she just wants to let it out (i think...)

I'm sorry, but your right, stick up for yourself, don't become another statistic, fight back, good luck!

i know exactly how you feel. you should NOISEmail me sometime.

quote:

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I'm sorry...I didn't mean to sound like that...maybe this whole thread was mistake. I just felt like I needed to get it out, maybe that wasn't a good idea. I'm trully sorry.

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Eeek. o.O

It was just a wee bit of advice. And it was really out of place.

quote:

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I'm sorry...I didn't mean to sound like that...maybe this whole thread
was mistake. I just felt like I needed to get it out, maybe that
wasn't a good idea. I'm trully sorry.

---

I would have just kept my mouth shut. It's better that way!

quote:

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Don't be so "me, me, me" all the time.

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I'm sorry...I didn't mean to sound like that...maybe this whole thread was mistake. I just felt like I needed to get it out, maybe that wasn't a good idea. I'm trully sorry.

I'm sorry if I sound rude, because I don't know much about the situation. Don't be so "me, me, me" all the time.

Wow, you've been through a hell of a lot of ****. I'm so sorry, I want to say something, but I dont know what to say.

-Nicole

I didn't read all fo it. I am kind of in a hurry but I read enough to know exactly what your talking about. I know exactly how you feel and if I am correct, what happend to you happened to me too. Lots of messed up things happen to me and I keep it all bottled inside. Every time, I let someone know what is inside, every time I open up, I get shut down by the person. It only blews up in my face. They run away from me like I am a freak but I can't take back what happened to me. I am sorry but I can't. That's why I rather keep my mouth shut intil I die with all this still inside. All the things that I encountered, sex, violence, abuse, and some other stuff will always be with me. Peopel say it's good to open up and let it out. Oh so it's good to open up to someone then having them think your insane and you are gonig to be send to a Foster Home for supposed abuse.

Sorry, if this post has mistakes, I don't have time to reread it.