hi im nick im 15 and im not sure if my dad is being verbally abusive or just showing tough love. hes nice a times when there isnt aboody who isnt family around you know like neighbors and relatives. but when its just me and my sister and hes gf he lets out his frustration. he will say im going to fail in school or threatens to take my stuff and to go outside and fight me. i realise that this could just be touch love but i think its different. can someone please tell me is this verbal abuse? your stupid your goning to fail in school and do yuo want to take this outside(meaning fighting violently) is that being a verbal abusive? or tough love from a dad?

Dude I know exactly how u feel i go through the same thing only with both my parents & my sis. Dad tells u tht ur a stupid idiot tht thinks he knows more than him. & tht u rnt smart enough to graduate and ull get held back. its def. verbal abuse but can def. lead to physical abuse in the future. Theres no logical way to end it either so idk how else i could help other than channel ur anger through something like sports or music or whatever u like to do the best thing is listening to music & ignore him. I feel especially connected with this problem since we both hve the same prblm & even the same name.

lol, seriously kiddies welcome to life...

hey my name is nathan and im 15 and i live in maryland. I think ive been verbally abused for about a year but I'm not so sure that this classifies as abuse or just mean stuff ya know. It started because my brother went from an A student as a freshman to a party-life addicted senior failing almost every class and not even graduating. And because of that i think my parents have become drastically more harsh because they dont want me to turn out like him, which is so far from reality and thats where the problem starts. Like my brother i smoke weed, a pretty good amount i guess but i do not drink or snort anything or do anyother drug. I've maintained a 3.3 in a tough highschool, my last day as a sophmore was yesterday, and i plan to go to college to become a guidance conselour. I am not a goody goody kid by anymeans and i guess that i get in trouble a little more than the average kid does, but my parents think i am the worst kid on the planet with no one to compare to, and I'm tired of there anger centered around such ignorance. I'd say 70% of the kids in my grade smoke, drink, do drugs, at least weekly, they're parents know but most understand that this does not mean they must watch their childs every action and know where they are who they are with and when. If i am somewhere and they do not know, there MUST be a parental freakout, if i am frustrated and tell them to shut up and walk away, theyre MUST be a parental freakout. And during these freakouts, they rant through the house about how im such a 'shithead son' 'jerkoff' 'embarresment' 'piece of shit' 'idiot' 'im gonna be just like my brother' and so on, the worst being 'motherfucker' what father calls his son a motherfucker, think about that. And these freakouts must happen, the punishment cannot simply contain of them telling me what i did wrong, saying whatever, giving me my punishment and letting things be. They personally attack me which makes me mad which starts the fights, i am the peacekeeper while they try to tell me how i'm losing my mind and going crazy and im 'at a new low'. And the way that my mother acts during these rampages worries me actually, this woman throws her head around and straight up roars things at me, full on at the top of the lungs she screams them and its scary, she smacks my arm and punchs but i dont care about that. To sum up my situation, i am a kid that smokes weed, goes out with his friends, tries to make his youth worth while and messes up(in their eyes, no one elses) once in a while. That kid should be punished from time to time, harshly spoken to about what not to do and it should be left at that. I cannot take the name calling and the screaming and the ridicolous punishments anymore but there is no solution, the hole is only dug deeper each fight and i am trapped. A normal kid treated like shit. All i can do is make the best out of the next two years, after that i will never interact with my parents unless needed and ive made that clear.

Please tell me, is my situation verbal and mental abuse? or just a case of strict parents?

There really is a fine line between abuse and tough love. Can your dad still look you in the eye? When you sit alone at night and are really and truly honest with yourself, can you say that your dad loves you?

You and you alone can answer these questions. Verbal and mental abuse are considered the same thing. Does what your dad say to you stop you from doing day to day activities? Do they make you feel like less of a person for more than just a day?

I used to think that what my mom and dad did to me was abuse, and by talking to people, I learned the difference. What my dad did was, and what my mom did wasn't.

Since nobody on this site knows the full extent of the situation but you, not a whole lot of advice can really be given. You have to talk to someone that you can really trust, and give them the full and honest story.

But be careful. If you report abuse and it's not, then stuff can really hit the fan.

Hi Nick, this hotline resource may be helpful for you - 1-800-4-A-CHILD, which is staffed by counselors through ChildHelp.

quote:

From ChildHelp:

You Should Know

* No one has the right to abuse you.
* You don't deserve to be abused.
* If you are being abused, you are a victim.
* It's not your fault that you are being treated this way.
* It is wrong that you are suffering this pain, fear or sadness.
* You are not alone. Other kids suffer abuse, too.
* Sometimes abusers scare or threaten kids so they won't tell.
* There are people who care about you and want to help you.
* If you are being abused, please tell a safe person - that's someone you can trust like a teacher, counselor, school nurse, neighbor or parent. You can also talk to a Childhelp USA hotline counselor.

CALL 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) then push 1 to talk to a hotline counselor. The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The hotline counselors work with translators who speak 140 languages to help people who call and speak something other than English. All calls are anonymous. (The hotline counselors don't know who you are and you don't have to tell them.)

How to protect yourself from abuse
Do not be alone with anyone who hurts you.

Listen to the little voice inside when it says that what is being done to you isn't right.

Find an adult you trust and tell them what is happening. If they don't believe you, keep telling until someone does believe you.

The adult you talk to about your abuse (perhaps a teacher or a neighbor) may want to tell the police or child protective services about the person who is hurting you. If they don't know the telephone number to call to make the report, they should call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) and press 1 to speak with a hotline crisis counselor, who will give them the number to call in your community.

If you are too nervous or scared to tell someone you know about the abuse, but want it reported to the people who look into child abuse, call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453), then press 1. A Childhelp hotline counselor can make a three-way call so that you, the hotline counselor, and the person taking the report in your area are all on the telephone at the same time.