i'm glad to say that i'm 15 and i don't cut anymore, i stopped because it was too tempting to just go all the way. and i started eating again when i realized all the bulimia was doing was making me heavier. i do still get depressed sometimes, and i really have no explanation for it. i have great friends, i'm doing well at school, i'm even on the school's dance troupe, but there are still the times that i just feel so alone and so sad inside that i wish it would all end. but then i remembered this phrase i heard once, and it's stuck with me forever.

*suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem*

i hope that helps someone out there. remember please, all problems are temporary but death is always permanent.

I don't have an eating disorder, although I have practically been accused of one because I have lost a lot of weight lately. I am, however, very depressed. I cut and I think about suicide a lot. I just don't want to attempt suicide and fail again because I want it to be fool proof. I have spent time in a mental hospital (most recently a year ago) and was in counseling. Things are even worse now because I think I have to start counseling again to be released from counseling so I can get on with my life. Which means, I have to lie to a man who doesn't understand me and who I hate. I don't know. I can't handle this. Some counselor that makes you more depressed and suicidal than you were to begin with.

I guess I didn't explain WHY I think I'd be anorexic if not for my fast metabolism.

Anorexia is all about control. There have been times where I've decided that I was gonna stop eating for one reason or another, (mad @ parents, depressed, etc.) but I eventually ate anyway. I think that if I had another reason not to eat (like thinking I needed to lose weight) then I might have gone longer without eating...

Do I make any sense???

how come u don't tell ur parents? u should.

a fast metabolism doesn't make you anorexic, some poeple are just skinny and don't gain weight, and yes, there are anorexic and bulemic people that might look normal or even a little overweight. anorexic people don't eat anything most of the time or watch their dies obsessively while ecercising(spelling???) obsessively. so if you just have a fast metabolism and can't help it, don't worry, your not anorexic. anorexia and other eating disorders are psychological, not physical problems.
kisses and blesses,
e.k.

I am depressed. More so at some times then others. I've cut myself a couple times, and think about suicide occasionally. I bet if I didn't have fast metabolism that I would be anorexic...

i've been suffering from depression for 3 years. i did cut myself a few times in 8th grade. i did have suicidal thoughts for a while. hiding it won't help you, it will make it worse. depression can happen to anyone, even when their life is great.

Even though you say that you are not cutting uncontrollably, I am letting you know that it is addicting, and sooner than you know, you will be doing it constantly. I should know, I just to Self Injure, not cut but harm myself
My friend who once went through depression had someone say to her this "Depression is brought on totally by ones self." And she told me that yeah, every once in a while people really need attention. I agree w/ all of this even though I feel as if some of it is not true. I trust my friend enough to trust she knows what she is saying. I know many people do not agreee with this concept but.....
My friend also told me that I am in total control of my emotions. You can control your emotions. I am sorri if this is confusing, I am not good with words.....
-Me

:::sigh::: it is kind of tough to talk about and i am not proud of it, but i think that maybe if i do tell people, it will help someone who is in the same situation. i have had a long battle with things like this...i was beaten, physically, mentally, and sexually abused, molested, for 4 years of my life by my step-brother (who by the way doesn't live here anymore and never even got reported to the police) from age 8 to 12. it happened every day and it got so bad that i could not take life anymore. i had been going untreated for serious manic-depression the whole time and heard voices and had very scary hallucinations. the day i turned 12 i tried to kill myself, which obviously did not work. for 5 years now i have been battling with my manic-depression and hallucinations and extreme anxiety attacks ... i have tried to kill myself twice and been hospitalized in 6 different psychiatric institutions for cutting, burning myself, pulling out my hair, and banging my head on concrete floors to stop the voices and hallucinations and for planning to kill myself. today, things aren't so bad...i still have anxiety attacks and manic-depressive episodes, i have been tried on at least 20 different meds, but what is getting me through right now is my art and poetry and my religion, and my wonderful boyfriend who has been along side me through it all. i just want to say, that if you are having a hard time with things like this, or think that life isn't worth living...remember the people who love you and think about what they would feel if you were gone. and find something that makes you happy and helps you find release of the pain...like friends, family, religion, art, poetry, music, anything! if you do that and try really hard, you can make it. life is a wonderful experience and there are so many things you would miss out on and so many people that would miss out on you. anyway, i hope that i can provide help, support, or advice for anyone who needs it, because i UNDERSTAND. love to all, e.k.

I used to be like that and I'm not afraid to say so. I used to cut all the time up until a little over a month ago. There was this big thing with my friends and I. There were 3 of us, close to each other in our little ways. One of us, K, turned another, S, in for cutting and burning and asked me to stop. K said he warned S so many times, but she wouldn't stop. So I promised him I would never do it again and I haven't. S sees a doctor once a week and she's been on restriction ever since then. If she even makes a statement about doing it again, she'll be put in a psych ward anywhere from Niagra Falls to Penn.
Anyway, I used to be suicidal. I took pills and ended up in the hospital. I started cutting all the time. No one knows but my boyfriend, S, and K. I've stopped all that, even tho the thought crosses my mind to do it again. As a result, I have a poor immune system and I get sick easily and frequently. I've lost a lot of weight and sometimes I'm in the hospital for a simple sickness. It takes a half an hour to find a vein to draw blood from when I'm sick. I come home with green bruises all over my arm. I lose my hair all the time, but it's long so you don't notice, and my nails are brittle and break easily. The doctors have trouble figuring out what's wrong with me and sometimes they never find out. We still don't know if I will ever have children. All this from October 01 - now. So my advice to you is to just stop. Get help and get on medication like some of you have. Wish I did it sooner and told somebody who could really help me. You should all know, I never make a promise I can't keep.

*waves* Yeah, that's me.

I was just in a psych ward a few days ago for my first suicidal attempt--taking an overdose.

Along with being diagnosed with depression, I was once an anorexic-bulimic. It started in October of 00', and sometimes I still have trouble struggling with it.

I used to self-mutilate.

I have BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder).

And recently, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Hasn't everyone been depressed at one time or another? I know that I have. I guess that I've been suicidal too, but not enough so as to actually do anything.

i dont do any of those things, am i... not normal?

I'm never happy. I cry myself to sleep most of the time. I feel worthless and wish I were dead constantly. I don't eat very much. I've lost 10 lbs the past month. I don't sleep half the time. And I have to really fight the urge to cut myself. Yep, I think I might just be depressed. The really depressing part is that no one notices or even seem s to care. My family just says I'm grouchy or moody. They don't know that that is only adding to the worthlessness. I had a razor blade I used to cut myself that I had to hide. The fact that I want to die is disturbing to me because there are so many things I want to do with my life. I just don't think I can handle the pain of living.

Does "having the tendency" to be suicidal considered a "mental disorder?"

Just curious as to what you all think.

I want to appoligize for being a meany a couple of days ago. But I still stand by what I said because I am tired of hearing people type excusses. I work with people who are 10 times worse than most of what some of you have typed. Even within my own life I had to deal with depression cutting and all other forms of trying to cope. So yes I do know what some of you are going through. But what I wont deal with is excusses. Why because until you and I mean only you the person who needs help can change. We can work with you for years but until you are ready then nothing we do will help or alter your decisions in life. The hardest part is believing that you can do it, using excusses only increases the pain you are dealing with. The first step is always the hardest but if you are not willing to work hard then please dont come here and whine!

There's no "quick fix" for depression. There are drugs that can alter chemicals in your brain to make you seem happier, but you can only achieve true happiness by yourself. (I use "you" in the informal/plural tone.)

What annoys me the most is that people who have never been in a situation which makes them feel suicidal criticize so much against those who do. It's not always easy to ask for help. Some people feel unsafe and insecure. I know it varies, though.

As for people who cut, I can't exactly offer any help there, heh. Cutting is like an addiction.. almost like a drug which wares off over time. I'm aware that most people do not have the mental capabilities to begin to understand why certain people cut themselves or self inujure in general. But for those who do self-injure, I hope that you can overcome your weaknesses, because some people don't have enough strength too..

Anyway, I respect you, outspokenme, for getting help. You seem like a very strong and smart person and I know that you will make something of yourself, if you have not already, in the near future.

I used to have depression, I used to self-injure, I know that I'm likely to get an eating disorder, so I make myself remember to eat, and have my friends remind me when I "forget". I've tried to kill myself at least 5 times now, and as of November, I decided I wanted to live.

Advice? Well, I think stuff like this is rather unique to the individual. I'm not seen as the depressive type of person either, in fact, I'm known as the complete opposite (junior high nickname: Ray of Sunshine). For me, I decided to have a future. I have (only recently) made it my priority to want, really want to go somewhere in life. And I'm getting there.

When I get depressed, I inform one of my friends. I ask them to talk to me through it, or to listen when I talk myself through it (I'm a smart girl, often that part of me can calm down the depressive/suicidal part of me). I have gotten a lot better about asking for help, or asking for hugs, when I didn't feel I could take it. I now voice my needs.

A bit of advice to bex: I know you only mean to do good, however when you have depression, there really is nothing worth looking forward to. Being told the opposite just makes the depressed feel worse, even unintentionally.

I agree, however, that if someone feels suicidal, THEY NEED TO INFORM SOMEONE. Even if that means calling 911 or a suicide hotline, or even getting yourself to a psychiatric ward (someone I know did this, saying when he got there "I think I'm going to kill myself, may I sit down?")

I give all of you my hope, mostly because I've been lost in the dark as well, for far too long, and the feeling of the light is an awesome experience and I wish it for all!

Just for the record, it's not always dumbness. I don't know about everyone else, but I know that I come here because I can talk about some things that I can't talk about with my friends. It's not that I don't want to tell them things, it's just that they probably wouldn't understand. For example: I play soccer. If I was having trouble shooting, should I go to another soccer player or someone who plays basketball? I would obviously go to the person who plays the same sport as me because they know where I'm coming from. It's the same thing with eating disorders, depression, and other things like it. I have trouble with the way I see myself, and I might have an eating disorder. This is the first place I came when I realized it because I know that other people here have the same problem. I don't know about you, but admitting that I have a problem isn't exactly stupid. And it isn't that easy to go and tell someone else when I'm still having trouble beliving it myself. I don't know if you ever had anything like that wrong with you, but it isn't exactly something that I go bragging about. I'm not looking for sympathy either. I realize that it's my own fault that I'm like this, so I'm not going to expect anyone to feel sorry for me, it just feels good to get everything out.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you have any advice, please let me know.

Erin

I cant stand the dumbness running around any more. Please if you have problems get help. Its that simple. These are not serious problems that you cant overcome. There are millions of people just like you people who get up everyday and bust there humps just to make a living and you people act like the world is going to end because you act like a freak and wont admit you have a problem. Depresion does not care if you are young old rich or poor. It can strike anyone just like the common cold. You can get better and life does go on but you have to stop acting stupid and take action, admit you have a problem. Then go on from there. Why because if you dont see that you need help then you will never find it. You can try to get simpathy but that will only last for so long and then people get tired of all of your crap. You young people amaze me because you are incredibly resilient but yet so stupid at times. I really dont care if you are looking for simpathy or even empathy because you wont find it here. Why because you wont get help. You can talk to people with problems until you are blue in the face and it wont matter until they either do the deed or realize they can over come this and get help. You think you have problems? Try living on the streets and eating out of trash cans because you are homeless or how about watching you parents be killed right in front of your eyes. Then you can come and get simpathy from me. Until then stop whining and grow up. Your problems are not that major. 90% of teens go through some of the problems you are talking about at one point or another in their lives and they are fine so please stop complaining and do something about it.