I have just started writing poems around the end of 2007. So I know im not the best, but im trying to get better. And im only in 7th grade, so I dont have the largest vocabulary. But what do you guys think of this one? Some of my poems are really good and some suck butt.


11:11

Trying to last on every
11:11 I can fit in
Wishing for him
And I to never end,

Is it possible
That four matching numbers
Could cause a wish to come true
Everyone wonders,

Spending nights
Staying up late
Wanting 11:11 to finally come
To make that wish on fate,

11:11 is the only hope
For every girl sits and waits
As the time goes by
Hoping they aren’t all fakes,

Hearts being broken
The clocks click and rings
As it hits 11:11
Everyone pauses to wish on these things,

The world stops
As it hits the four magic numbers
That all girls rely on
Waiting for all those wonders,

Spending all the nights
Staying up all those hours late
Wanting the magic numbers to finally come
To make that wish on all their fates,

Passing away on every
11:11 I can fit in
Wishing for just him
And I never come to an end,

Wasting time
Watching the clock tick on
As I wait for my fate to come
It mustn’t take too long,

Is it possible
That those four magic numbers
Could cause a wish so unlikely to come true
Everyone wonders.

Again, your biggest issue is your punctuation. The same sentence, with different punctuation marks, can have two different meanings.

Example:

"You can't kill Harriet." vs "You can't kill, Harriet!"

You have a couple of ambiguous sentences that could really use some punctuation. Also, your last and third-to-last stanzas need a bit of work. In the third to last, it's a bit unclear what you're saying, and in the last, it just doesn't feel like the last line is an ending line.

Here are just a few suggestions to take into consideration when you work on your other poems. With time and practice, you will get better.

(Also, if you want to improve your vocabulary, do a few things: read as much as you can and, if you have the means to, check sites (like http://www.dictionary.com) as they will often have words of the day.