OK, since I saw 3 different threads started by 3 different people posting about their poetry, how about just having one big thread for posting poems? Just thought I'd give it a try.

And since this is a thread for poetry, I'll post one of my recent poems:

The day I regret
Is the day that I didn't say I loved him
Because that is the day he died.
He died in a hospital bed
He was fighting an on-going war.
He lost that battle, on that day
That I didn't say I loved him
That day will haunt me forever
It has shattered my heart
I cant stand myself
And I miss him so much
I wish he was here
To tell me it was OK
To tell me he loved me
And that he will see me tomorrow
And all of the days after that.
I know that he is in a lovely place
Away from that pain
God looking over him
Him looking over me
That heals some of the pain.
I cry everyday
He's always on my mind
I regret so much
I wish I can take it back
Take back his pain
I wish I could have taken his place
I wish I could have died.
He was such a good person
Caring and loving
I miss all of those memories
I wish I could freeze them in time
He never deserved to die.
-Sunset

quote: Constructive Criticism:
First off, check your grammar and the punctuation you use. After being in a class where we workshop each others poems and stories a lot, I can say that punctuation really does matter.
Secondly, add a bit more to your poem. You have a good start, but it just feels like there's something missing in terms of how it is and the potential it has. This is especially true with the last line-- it just feels a bit out of place.


Thanks!! Yeah, I felt taht way about the last line, too. lol. I will try to add more to it and post what I have after that on here! Thanks again Ikki14Reed!!!

quote:

Originally posted by Allie1375143:
"War"

Where murrdering is legal
Where theres:
Hatred,
Conspiracy,
And death everywhere you turn.

Where theres:
Nationalism,
Symbolism,
And bombings everywhere.

Where bombs are programmed to explode on cue,
Is this truly what the wolrd has come to?



WRITER'S NOTE: Please don't be too harsh with comments about my poem saying things like, "That sucks" or other things. It was my first try at writing a non rhyming poem, and I am only 13. So please dont be too judgemental!!! =)

Constructive Criticism:
First off, check your grammar and the punctuation you use. After being in a class where we workshop each others poems and stories a lot, I can say that punctuation really does matter.
Secondly, add a bit more to your poem. You have a good start, but it just feels like there's something missing in terms of how it is and the potential it has. This is especially true with the last line-- it just feels a bit out of place.

"War"

Where murrdering is legal
Where theres:
Hatred,
Conspiracy,
And death everywhere you turn.

Where theres:
Nationalism,
Symbolism,
And bombings everywhere.

Where bombs are programmed to explode on cue,
Is this truly what the wolrd has come to?



WRITER'S NOTE: Please don't be too harsh with comments about my poem saying things like, "That sucks" or other things. It was my first try at writing a non rhyming poem, and I am only 13. So please dont be too judgemental!!! =)

I watched you cry
You watched me try
To wind back time,
And yet I failed
and you just bailed
and left me to die.

I wish you could hear
how many tears
and all my fears
of you never knowing
and never showing
how I feel.

Please don't judge me
Cause you're not me
And you'll never be
You haven't lived my life
and seen my strife
so let me be

I've been high
so many times
to just numb my pain
And I know you
use to do
just the same

So when I phone
or when we're alone
please undertand
I'll always love you
but I can't stand you
so let me be...

Very clever, I applaud it.

Yes it is the same poem. I have the last line so different because it accentuated the feeling or abruptness that one might feel when their life ends. Life has rhythm but death is sudden sometimes.

I look at the "man" in the poem as death himself. The tree in his hat symbolizes life, because without death life would have no meaning or ultimate beauty, therefore life and death are linked. I read once that when a person dies their sense of sight (primarily sesitivity to color) and taste are heightened. I don't know if it is true but it explains those references.

BS, did you post this poem in the prose poetry thread as well? This isn't condescension, just making sure that I did read the same thing twice. I like the rhythm, but I have to inquire on the last line - why make it so drastically different than the rest of the poem? It does bring attention to it, if that was your purpose. Could you also shed any light on what the poem as a whole might mean?

Here he is, the
Man who looks for mango
and chews on color

Why does he come so soon
after he already ran to the chair
for a taste of Green?

I can see him move closer
with a tree in his purple top hat
DARK!

The Void

An endless corridor, filled with unsmiling faces.
Lights flickering - the lack of hope, a lost yesterday.
Gaping wounds called doors, bleeding filtered light.
Uncontrollably stuck in an eternal struggle.
Dull, lifeless paper - a portal to this world.
Within my grasp, unable to be reached.
Ink is running everywhere, and nowhere.
Prisoner in this hallway - I cannot comprehend.
Constantly taking... I should give them what they want.
The point in all this? Accomplishing nothing.
Guards patrol, wisps of nothing, strict.
The windows might as well have bars.
I do not want to stay, but useless leaving.
Problems will remain without a solution.
It would have been far better this way...
Prepare yourself for eternal damnation.

THE TREE OF LIFE
(from the book of ARI "The Tree Of Life" , part I)

Behold, that before the emanations were emanated and the creatures were created,
The upper simple light had filled the whole existence.
And there was no vacancy, such as an empty atmosphere, a hollow, or a pit,
But all was filled with simple, boundless light.
And there was no such part as head, or tail,
But everything was simple, smooth light, balanced evenly and equally,
And it was called the Endless Light.

And when upon His simple will, came the des
ire to create the world and emanate the emanations,
To bring to light the perfection of His deeds, His names, His appellations,
Which was the cause of the creation of the worlds,
He then restricted Himself, in the middle,
Precisely in the center,
He restricted the light.
And the light drew far off to the sides around that middle point.

And there remained an empty space, a vacuum
Circling the middle point.
And the restriction had been uniform
Around the empty point,
So that the space
Was evenly circled around it.

There, after the restriction,
Having formed a vacuum and a space
Precisely in the middle of the endless light,
A place was formed,
Where the emanated and the created might reside.
Then from Endless Light a single line hung down,
Lowered down into that space.
And through that line, He emanated, formed,
Created all the worlds.

Before these four worlds came to be
There was one infinite, one name, in wondrous, hidden unity,
That even for the closest of the angles
There is no attainment in the endless,
As there is no mind that can perceive it,
For He has no place, no boundary, no name.

http://www.kabbalah.info/engkab/ez_eng.htm

Fury’s Dance

Grasping words incensed by fear
Takes away what it can my dear
Life so ruthless, tares at your flesh
Images race through your mind at rest
Hopes erased from memories lost
Shatter dreams at any cost

Out of my way, I’m coming through
Nightmare demons chasing you
Youthful innocence die at your feet
Searching for a place to sleep
Your souls lusting for another day
Hells fury wants to play

Soulless eyes curse each breath
Touched by the searing hand of death
Decayed by humans poisonous toys
No more the laughter, tears of joy
Fallen Angels tend the bar
While the devil plays bass guitar

Flames fury lap at your feet
Chase your addictions until you sleep
Peace is not a frame of mind
Just another Hell to find
No rest for the wicked, on deaths dark door
Eternity, will never be like it was before

MY CRAZY POEM/SPEECH


Wonder is fear, when you look in my eyes you realize its dark, deep depth, of blackness. Its whats past it that counts. Take my heart and crush it in your bare hands before I do the same to you. I'm a crazy person. In the governments eyes, I'm as worthless to assist as a rebel warlord, I shall become that; A conspiracy, of nothingness! | I have worth beyond what meets the eye. My abilities are looked upon as untrust worthy because you are scared. Well I do no harm, I just seek happyness and the allowed rights of the constitution. it would do me and you good to agree before doing. I can do much for this world if my wants and needs are met. God is my rightous master. I do not belong in a restricted envirment, I deserve choices and wants in exchange to give you reasoning and information. you can study me, even pray on me, you can do all you want[thats related or existant with me], I just ask that you do not act on ignorance and most importantly you understand and agree to follow my consent.

the day i die

the day i die
i,ll be fine
wondering alone
among other life's
the one i loved
will be fine
i,ll be sleeping in other paths
the day i,ll die
i,ll be fine
i,ll be wondering
among other ones
the one's i loved
they,ll be fine
they,ll be wondering and living life
and maybe one day
one day at last
will be together
wondering among the clouds

I see my eyes
are clouded now,
meant to keep you out,
and I see I rarely smile,
I could tell you why
it’s now this way
but it would take
a while,
I could tell you
how I’ve found myself,
hidden beneath my face,
I could tell you
what I saw
locked inside
a dark
and secret place.
I cold tell you why
I keep a shadow
wrapped around
my soul --
it’s because I am afraid
where there once was music
I would simply find
a wide and gaping hole.
I’m afraid of falling,
and darkness, and
I’m afraid to hold you near,
I’m afraid that if I told you
what I’ve found
everything I have
will disappear.
Know that I am
the very same girl
whom you loved
just yesterday,
know that I
have not changed,
you just see me now
in new light;
in a new and different way.
You know me now
better than ever
could have been before,
although maybe
I closed
one of your windows,
I am trying
to open a door.

When you look
into my face,
I hope that you will see,
in my eyes
is a mirror image
of the girl
I used to be.

" ROUND "


What the hell does it want from me!!??? I swear to God over and over. Never again to break!!. "

Runaway Child

I left before dawn,
the house
still and dark
seemed eerie and unrecognizable.
I made no sound,
no announcement
I just walked
(away).
Percy,
eyes sadly watching,
seemed to understand,
but making no attempt
to stop my exit.
My secret safe with him.
Surprise errupted
in the frantic whispers
of the birds,
as if they sensed my fear.
My breath barely audible,
my footsteps soundlessly
decending the stairs,
my escape successful,
I walked away.
Nothing in my pockets
but my hands,
my trembling hands.
Standing at the intersection of
Somewhere and Anywhere
with Nowhere in mind.
Aimlessly walking
(away),
from That Place (that pain).
One
step
at
a time
toward
***********
Any Place Else

Jazzii

In the quiet, still,
and lonely places
of the world,
birds’ chirping
is silenced,
the wind whispers
softly, and
frost etches swirling,
mysterious patterns
on the smooth
silver surface
of a lake, frozen
by winter’s icy grasp.

Somewhere
farther than the farthest
of the lonely places,
I stare deep
into the eyes of a girl
I think I will never
fully understand.
I see the mask
that she hides behind each day,
the memories
of tears shed
once the mask is removed,
and the shadows
of secrets never told.
I see the way
her world crumbled,
and then fell,
how what once was in a
rainbow of colors
is now only black and white.
Deep inside, I can see
that this girl no longer
feels beautiful, and that on
the inside, she feels more alone
than she will ever
let anyone else see.

However, when my fingers
reach out to this girl,
all they find
is the cool smoothness
of a mirror, worn with age,
and everything I thought I knew
shatters.

The Battle

As they march off to the end of the earth
they have fear in their minds and soul.
They sing the anthem around the flag pole.
They fight for freedom.
They strive for equal rights for all.
The combat is brutal,
They have one goal in their minds to win.
The fight was quite a spectacle.
Their win brightens the souls of their kin.
They do not look back for the battle is done.
They do not have fear for they have won.

Gone

She stands
So still
Looking
At the ocean below
Churning
Frothing
Waves pounding
Against the rocks
She wonders
If she will do it,
If it is what she wants.
A gust of wind
Comes hurling
Out of nowhere
And the choice is no longer hers
She slips
Her feet trying to
Catch hold of something
Arms flailing
She falls
Down
So far
Her eyes close
Why couldn’t she
Be someone else
This is not right
“Tell Mommy I love her,”
She whispers softly,
“Tell Daddy, too.
I didn’t mean
For it to end
Like this
I’m sorry
I didn’t want you to see
Your baby
Crying
Dying
Lying
In the water – gone.”
The wind carries
Her words away
Falling faster
Her voice rises
One beautiful note
Echoes
Across the water
Reverberating
Against the cliff
And fades
As she falls
Faster
And faster
Until it is dark
And she sees
Nothing
Anymore.