independence day

i can't catch baseballs but
you can't catch fireflies

cupping my hands as if to cradle
the july dusk in my palms,
i push the hundred things i want to whisper
into my expression
into yours
and show you the firefly crawling across my fingers

a delicate way of lifting it from my skin
the space in me shivering
i want to feel your fingerprints on my spine
and to know that eyes like those
will never lie to me

tell me a different kind of secret
not the candy bar i stole when i was seven
or the way you watch little kids' tv shows by choice
but the words you've locked in your tonsils
until you know.
i know.

i guess i can never be sure if the fireworks
were from the legendary first kiss
or from your backyard
a thousands red and gold stars whistling into the dark
burning my eyes like a really hard goodbye

we let the firefly free
and it winks a tiny light

and disappears

you inspired meeeee.

Maybe you guys could help me out with my poem since you have been so helpful to the starter of this thread.

C
Ch
Chi
Chin
Ching

Ching goes the ching.

Ching
Chin
Chi
Ch
C

Input anyone?

ay dat was great i think its really good for u 2 express ur feeling

Some of the imagery in the beginning is confusing but over all this is a really unique poem. The goal of poetry is to shock and you definately do. The only thing I'd suggest is to improve your verbs...push, hsow, lock. They can al be replaced with more interesting verbs.

Wow, the poem was fantastic.
i like how it didn't rhyme.
The..er...fifth(?) stanza, "i guess i can..." was the only thing i wasn't sure about. it sounded a little cliché. fireworks & first kiss thing.


but woo! i wish i could write something like that.

WOW! That was awsome! I loved how you could just picture the emotion in all of it, but that of course is what makes a truly great writer.

Next Time Post Here

Like the description. Good freeverse.