OK, the only reason why I am on YN is because I want some of you to read this poem. I need helpful comments because I'm going to send this poem in and hopefully get a scholarship.

As their soldier was laid to rest
Taken in the war
Everyone was crying
No eye was dry
Saying good-bye to their dearest friend
The mothers only son.
Taps were playing in the background
As the casket was set in its final place
Friends and family dragged away
The mother was handed the flag
That no longer flies in grace
Falling to the ground
Not able to get up
The mother fallen due to shock
She couldn't believe she was burying her son
Her brave soldier
So close to coming home
Fallen in the line of duty
Fallen with honor
Dying for his country
That he loved so much
He was only 18
He was taken with all of his pride
He had so much pride in his country
He loved it so much
Fighting for freedom
God bless all of those who have died
And gave the ultimate loss of life

In loving memory of Cpl. Jeremiah A. Baro and Lance Cpl. Jared P. Hubbard
-Sunset

wow, this is deep, *starts to tear up*
If I did cry, I would start right now. This is good is a scary reality way.

Thanks.
-Sunset

This is a very good poem, Sunset. Very emotional and good luck with the scholarship.

overall i like the concept. just a few grammatical things you might want to check out before you send it in...i realize it is a poem so its not that big a deal.

quote:

The mothers only son

i think it needs to be "mother's".

quote:

And gave the ultimate loss of life

maybe consider separating the words "ultimate" and "loss" because otherwise it reads a little differently. I think what you are trying to say is that they gave the ultimate, as in the ultimate sacrifice which is loss of life. maybe even just separating them with a comma would work?

its a good poem. like i said, just grammatical suggestions.

PS I'm really sorry about your loss.