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Registered: December 29, 2004
Posts: 39
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she was in love
he was all that she needed
she had a boyfriend
but he wasnt what she needed
He wanted more
she wanted respect
he couldnt offer
he wanted sex
she didn't want to give up just yet
She was in love with a man who wanted more
He didn't recieve what he wanted
she was in love with a chaunist pig
she was in love and couldn't do anything about it
He wanted a girlfriend
she needed love
He wanted more
she couldn't deliever
He broke it off
she cried
and cried
and cried
she became frustrated
she started to fuss and fight with her self
she started cutting herself
lost her social life
she decided to stop going to work
she killed herself metally, emotionally
and finally killed herself physically
She was immortally in love
she was immortally broken in spirit
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Registered: August 10, 2005
Posts: 64
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that was...erm beautiful in a sad way. I think that if u work u could really make writing a career. It did get a bit confusing tho but I like it.
All It Took Was A Knife And A Desperate Heart.....
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Registered: June 22, 2004
Posts: 2343
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I am not saying that you aren't good. You have potiental to be a good writer. You just need to work on your writing. I didn't want to come off like I was trying to be mean or critical earlier but I was just stating my opinion.
I have not yet reached my goal, and I am not perfect. But Christ has taken hold of me. So I keep on running and struggling to take hold of the prize. My friends, I don't feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for wha
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Registered: February 18, 2004
Posts: 3177
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yeah i am just agreeing with them, it confused me till I read it for like the 3'rd time. If you can correct that this has the potential to be a pretty good poem OR maybe even song.
Hope for the best and expect the worst............take whatever life throws at you...
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Registered: June 22, 2004
Posts: 2343
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Confused and dazzed right now. Okay not really anymore. Like risika2004 said, it also reminds me of the song "Sk8er Boi." It was just okay for the she wanted him but he didn't want her kind of thing but it was too confusing. Just make it less repeatitive and confussing for people to understand.
I have not yet reached my goal, and I am not perfect. But Christ has taken hold of me. So I keep on running and struggling to take hold of the prize. My friends, I don't feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for wha
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Registered: April 03, 2004
Posts: 6560
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This poem reminds me of Avril's song, "Skater boi."
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch
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Registered: November 30, 2004
Posts: 4514
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This good but rather confusing. It was a alot he wanted she wanted stuff.
"I Dream away everyday, Try so hard to disregard The rhythm of t he rain that drops, And coincides with the beating of my heart"
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