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Picture of LiangRome
Registered: March 02, 2005
Posts: 76
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3/28:

The Porcelain Doll

The pale face of the porcelain doll
I turn on the faucet with a metal handle
the fluid flows as red as her lips
an empty glow pulses in the room

Her delicate hands hold a paper fan
just a thin piece like the edge
I dizzily look at the rainbow
through the window of my eyes

A strand of her dark hair falls to the ground
coinciding with a large echo
my hands are cold, my arm warm
the acicular mountaintop sharp, my vision blurred

The doll has no shoes, and her dress is torn
the stain on my carpet provokes a small spider
as the phone rings and the TV blanks to static
the ground and my head connect

Thanks for reading.

DJ


www.djrome.goduck.net Go to my site to participate in the DJ Points game.
Picture of iamastar
Registered: June 22, 2004
Posts: 2343
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I really enjoyed. I like your style of writing. Keep up the good work that you are doing.


I have not yet reached my goal, and I am not perfect. But Christ has taken hold of me. So I keep on running and struggling to take hold of the prize. My friends, I don't feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for wha
Picture of LiangRome
Registered: March 02, 2005
Posts: 76
Posted   Hide PostReply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post  
I guess it's in how you interpret it. I made it to be like how a bat connects to a ball, but you may have construed it to be as in a telephone call. That is how I meant it. Here a a revised version of it again:

The pale face of the porcelain doll
I turn on the faucet with a metal handle
the fluid flows as red as her lips
a pulsing, empty glow, a silent cacophonous rip

Her delicate hands hold a paper fan
just a thin piece like a crystal of sand
I dizzily look at the rainbow skies
through the translucent window of eyes

A strand of her dark hair falls to the ground
coinciding with a muffled, echoing sound
as a sharp clank of metal is heard,
my hold of it is cold, and my arm warm
my vision continues to remain blurred

The doll has no shoes, and her dress is torn
the stain on my carpet provokes a small spider to mourn
as the phone rings and the TV blanks to snowy static
the ground and my head connect


www.djrome.goduck.net Go to my site to participate in the DJ Points game.
Picture of Jenos
Registered: May 03, 2003
Posts: 8901
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I enjoyed this poem.

One comment, as I was just wondering. The last line, where you put 'connect,' is there a different word to portray what you mean, or is my interpretation slightly askew? When I read it, that word just seems a bit out of place.


I like these calm little moments before the storm.
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