I lie awake at night
And converse with the darkness
We discuss many things
The blackness and I
We had an interesting conversation
The other night
I've been wondering lately
What would it be like
To be someone other than me?
If i were more like her
Would you still hate me?
If I weren't like me
Would you realize that you produced two instead of one?
Could you be that open minded?
Doubtful....
Is it possible for you to see me
As the woman I've become
Instead of the little girl
You once knew?
I've overcome many obstacles
Climbed many mountains
Acheived many dreams
But you still refuse to respect me
You tell me that I'm worthless
That I won't amount to much
You call me a loser
I cannot take it any longer
I sill fight back this time
But am I strong enough
To fight that which makes me weak?
No....
I will continue to let you belittle me
And treat me like a fool
Like I am mearly a stepping stone
On your path of destruction
You tell me to respect you
But how can i respect a man
Who doesnt even respect himself?
I can't honor and obey you
Like a true DAD should be treated
Because in my whole, entire life
You've never been a "dad" to me
You are only my guardian, my provider
NOT my dad
You've provided me with the basics
What I need now is for you to help me;
Love, laugh, be free
Live every moment of life to its fullest
Until you can fulfill that need
I will let the darkness heal my wounded soul
Because you never learned how to be a REAL dad


my dad left me and my mother when i was about 5 weeks old, and he is just now wanting to be in my life...17 years later...so i decided to write about it...it isnt that great...but hey, i tried...

take life as it is and be happy with it...it ain't gonna change

Golden Midnight:

The tall grass swayed rhythmically in the breathing wind. The small hills were like large waves on the sea. The Sun gave the air that dull colour of golden-brown, and threw its soft beams at the grass.

By the small grass hills there was a cove. At the cove, creeping crabs and screeching seagulls lived. The sand banks were filled with old seaweed and colourful shells.

There was a quick breeze, and the sand was swiped up from the earth. When it fell down again, the golden aura from the Sun shone through it, as if God was watching.

The waves curved into the shore, creating a continuous ebon flow of the tide. There was an odour of saltwater present, and a glint of that very familiar smell of grass.

I gazed upon the endless fields of water. The Sun was about to fade.

In its last moment of glory, it let out a great scorch of golden nuggets, trickling on the water surface. Then, it slowly descended beneath the horizon.

The slow water waves gave their last tired strokes. The creeping crabs hid under the sand and rocks, the screeching seagulls screeched no more.

The proud Moon and Stars appeared on he dark ceiling of the world, like the most fabulous diamond jewellery.

And there was silence.

Thanks, Green. Not as good as my last one, but it's alright.

"""The last part is a signature.lol."""

—Pop goes the weasle.



-----

The last part is a signature.lol. The poem is kinda lame, but I had it in my head and not on paper. The original though was(as it always is)better. The names are coded, sort of, thats why they are so goofy.

Why? Why do you wander in endless trees,
And why do you linger among such as these?

Gone. Gone are the friends of Oddak,
Why not should I wander where I will?

Who are your friends, Oddak
Who are those that claim your kin?
Why do you wander?

Gone. Gone is Terrag of old
He has gone the way that few go

Where Oddak, and why do you mourn,
Why do you weep beneath the sky?

Where is Nyar of the great sand,
And where is he who walks with God?

Gone are they,
Nyar back to the Long Sand
And the one back over the mountains

This is why I mourn,
And why I wander beneath the endless trees

Jenos, I like the 'Blue Rose' because it is slightly confusing. It leaves you wondering, but not in a bad way.

Risk, yours is very good, as well. I like the rhyme scheme.

They were two different poems sorry. I should have specified that. Thank You for your comment I will work on it.
♥ Smidget

quote:

Originally posted by MoonGoddess:
Can't endure it any longer
my eyes glaze with tears
the only thing that enters my dreams are fears
I wake up in a cold sweat
my hair is soaking wet
All I can see are those eyes burning with rage
Yet I feel it's sorrow of being trapped in a cage
And then I am endured with unspeakable pain


She was alone and afraid
As she reached in her pocket and took out a blade
She cut deep into her arm to take away the pain
She knew she messed up, she had sliced a vein
Tears slid down her cheek
Where was she at death you ask, at the peak
She scribbled down 2 words as a last chore
Then she hit the floor, the note laid crumbled in her hand
The note? It said I'm sorry and she went on to a new land

Hmmmm......

You used "my" and then "she". Unfortunately you have to pick between 1st or 2nd person. Show me what is happening, don't tell me. Ever had a brush with death? If not ask for the input of those who have. Put some risk in it. Don't play it safe, and tell of the hellish torment she/you were in when this event occured.

I forgot to add if you have any advice, please feel free to share.
♥ The Smidget

—I see, that makes it much better.... but I still brashly suggest that the ending (at least) be the only part that brakes the "huh? what?" feel (because I did actually note that you may have done that purposefully in my last comment). Maybe you can work yourself into the ending (which would explain where the observations are coming from) by actually adding a stanza between the fifth and sixth one like: "I dropped a rose beside her, She didn't see me pass. She sings our songs of sadness, But she thinks her soul won't last." or something else to the extent of solidifying the reason we aren't missing out on the point (which not doing really only works for the balk of it). Endings are fragile, please treat them with dignity.

—Feel free to disregard above comments, I'm no guru on the in's and out's of poetry.



-----

Beloved Death

It awaits your arrival,
Your everlasting dark ways.
Perhaps you can see it, it haunts this place.
A fellow warrior, a mysterious glance,
A dance in the light, evil bleeds in my face.

You'll leave as soon as daylight arrives,
You will leave me here to die.
I know you as dark knows death,
You cannot escape me, I am Death.
I am the drug that kills you off, the weakness you keep.

You must see the light, you must! You must!
A forgotten race, a forgotten time,
Perhaps it is the weakness, that the pain grinds.
They made it through this, your shame that keeps the night still,
It doesn't even think of you, as it breaks off your shell.

A stab here, a stab there.
What does it matter, with death so near?
With the world on your shoulders, a death clock at your table;
My shame haunts this place, with a touch of anger.
Goodnight my darkness, goodbye my hate.

Tonight is the night, that fate will be fate,
A broken promise, a broken dream. What does it matter if nothing is what it seems?
They told you to leave, they told you to go. I laugh as darkness surrounds you,
For darkness is all that is left. A glance here, a glance there.
They do not care, they do not sleep.

Her grave is near, her spirit restless,
A prince is dead, a soul is grave.
Goodnight my soul, my soul to weep.
It is everything I hate, do you remember why they left?
I think the end is near, I'm getting excited.

Is it bringing me happiness?
I wish that I could stay, more of this I wish.
The window is closing now,
I'd do anything for this.
Kill anyone for this.

Watch me fall asleep, leave me in debt.
I will return eventually, cut off my last breath.
The morning will come soon and the roses will die.
Where I will look down at you, and wonder what happened.
To every waking spirit, I'll be the one to lead.

If morning never comes, life will hurt.
For this I bring to you, wherever I will be.
I'd do anything to stop this, to make my wish come true.
This story is a wish, a wish of hope.
Kill off the darkness, I won't be returning.

Cut my wings, and free me at last.
Let me go, and free me now. You care nothing of me, with a bow.
With a phrase of Death's kiss, I will forget.
The good times I had, this place I once knew.
A Death of darkness, drink my poison.

Cry for me as you wake alone.
Feel this pain as it soaks in your blood.
I hope you die right now as you drink in my pain.
If you cry out loud, you'll only make me feel better,
Cry right now, I'm dead and not returning.

Actually stupidity, that was the point. I tried to write it in a style than was almost cliche imagery, and no real soul or feel to it. It was written so that the reader almost felt detached from the old woman in the poem. And the rose was just a reminder that someone cared for her, after all the long years alone.

Can't endure it any longer
my eyes glaze with tears
the only thing that enters my dreams are fears
I wake up in a cold sweat
my hair is soaking wet
All I can see are those eyes burning with rage
Yet I feel it's sorrow of being trapped in a cage
And then I am endured with unspeakable pain


She was alone and afraid
As she reached in her pocket and took out a blade
She cut deep into her arm to take away the pain
She knew she messed up, she had sliced a vein
Tears slid down her cheek
Where was she at death you ask, at the peak
She scribbled down 2 words as a last chore
Then she hit the floor, the note laid crumbled in her hand
The note? It said I'm sorry and she went on to a new land

Hmmmm......

i'm gonna have to agree totaly with" stupidity "
your poem is confusing between two types of poems , but still it's good , it's very good

—I think it's lots of lovely imagery... but maybe to a fault. The story is either overshadowed by the "description then brief retort" pattern and becomes unclear... or is meant to be quick-passing and uncontrollable like a dream. But does the rose just represent the spirit of the old lady or is there something that actually happened at the end that has gone over my head?

—Feel free to disregard above comments, I'm no guru on the in's and out's of poetry.



-----

<3 Beautiful.

A Blue Rose

A squeak of a wheel, ungreased and rusting,
skittering across the broken pavement.
The maiden flight - an elderly voyage,
a cardiganed grandmother shivers in the wind.

A cracking slab, a little box of cardboard,
sagging with the weight of winters, a sign.
The chipped blue cup - outstretched,
a familiar clang of change, of hope.

A bowl of soup, a husk of bread, a spoon,
making every day at a slower pace.
The coat is tattered - down and out,
a cough and a handkerchief, the last one.

A wrinkled face, the lack of moisture,
emptying the bottle, the help all gone.
The stability of the heart - not certain,
a bump on the road, a gasp of agony.

A slip of the wrist, the weakened knees,
getting up again, time and time again.
The cry for help - the ship sinks,
a fortune, never again able to stand.

A dusty tombstone, words of remembrance,
standing up slowly from muddy knees.
The hand drops - the cold grey stone,
a reminder eternal, a faded blue rose.

"""the stupid one"""

—Bwahahaha. Priceless. You kill me. Really. *vacant stare*



-----

i didn't understand what you meant about me klguddat and stupidity i guess that makes me the stupid one arround here