dash69 i like your poem

I've written poems like that before too, where I go back and look at it and want to throw it away. What do you hate about it?

Thanks, I hate it. I cringe everytime I see it.
-Sunset

I like Sunset's poem. It's really good.

Typical teen angst. Try not to repeat things you have already said. Sadness appears more than once.

Me

I am me
Short and pudgy
Outside optimistically me
Inside pessimistically anybody
Sadness reigns my life
But I don't let it show
Only one person knows whats in my soul
I dance like a child
Laugh like there is no tomorrow
I pray with a new part of myself
Entwined with the Lord
I have a few crushes
But don't want to be crushed
My hair long and black
Eyes hazel
Hidden behind glasses
I bathe in sadness
While love mends my heart
I cherish being a part of this world
Yet wish to be apart

Wow, guys. Deep stuff. Not very good feedback. But i'll come back tomorrow. . .

A newer version of below-mentioned poem.

You Are Lost

Now - rise up and follow me.
Bring me back the scenes of life.
But can you read between the lines?
Tear down those banners that fly with apathy.
Careful now, you wouldn't want to spill their blood.

Standing now before the other rats.
My smirk torments your thoughts.
A little break in the monotony.
A tiny crack in your reality.
You break - another grin.

I knew you would.
That is what pains so.
It has always been your fault.
Now, be good - fetch the shadows.
Hurry before it is too late.

No pleasure so sweet as resistance.
Nothing in sight in a barren room.
Has it all gone again?
Why must you cry?
I told you - it will be alright.

Always on those feeble knees.
Forgiveness - what is it?
Take the pills and you'll be fine.
What do you mean they speak lies?
For it has been good for you.

Come now and find the truth.
Behind this locked door.
Already there but where has it gone?
Do not fear young one.
It will not hurt - yet.

You Are Lost

Now - rise up and follow me.
Bring me back the scenes of life.
But can you read between the lines?
Tear down those banners that fly with apathy.
Careful now, you wouldn't want to spill their blood.

Standing now before the other rats.
My smirk torments your thoughts.
A little break in the monotony.
A tiny crack in your reality.
You break - another grin.

I knew you would.
That is what pains so.
It has always been your fault.
Now, be good - fetch the shadows.
Hurry before it is too late.

No pleasure so sweet as resistance.
Nothing in sight in a barren room.
Has it all gone again?
Why must you cry?
I told you - it will be alright.

Who is wise, discerning, claims to know love?
We're all fools to one another
Even when we agree, we've seen contradiction
Our truths are twins; they die together
just like Lo-Ruhamah means "is not loved"

The second coming may be coming, but it has yet to arrive
Forced to find a panacea in human form,
you have never been spared any looming storm
Springs never loom above;
Lo-Ruhamah means "is not loved"

Therefore, my path I've blocked with thorns
I chase after the love and the lover I always sought
I will search ahead, always them
and I will yearn for the hope they would provide
I wall myself in so I can only hide

Did you rage against the sailor,
or did you mourn for the river that carried me away?
Was your wrath against the water,
or would you spare the streams
and blame every storm on me?

For even the river knows
our truths are twins; they live together.

This river that carries me I cannot disavow
for the pace, the wreck, the cold all are my own
Here I'd leave my tracks behind if you allow
Tell me softly, for I should already know
Lo-Ruhamah means "is not loved"

I can only resist prostrations
She can't heal me;
she's only a blade and a co-bleeder
When finally she wakes up, I know she starts weeping,
and each tear is a chain from a lonely innkeeper
She can't even earn my trust, for she doesn't see
Lo-Ruhamah means "is not loved"

Four walls make a house adorned with naught but ivory
and darken bright days into dusk
Such a house can only topple down
Three walls, even four I ignore the comfort of
for who remains here as the dark wanes into dawn? Remember-
Lo-Ruhamah means "is not loved"

Our truths are twins; they are born together
Needing to be a panacea in human form,
you won't be spared the storm's second coming
You weren't my people, which you can never become
Springs never loom above,
but would Ruhamah mean I am loved?

I haven't posted many of my poems here due to lack of comments, but here's one of mine anyways.

Don't look at me
I'm a scared child
Don't smell me
I reek of soullessness and sorrow
Don't touch me
My death may kill you

See me
Burning eyes let wild
Smell me
Insidious perfume of woe
Feel me
hopelessness I went through

Pink or dark red?
Which color should I use
my sharpened pencil to make?
Alive or dead?
As I sing the blues
which path should I take?

Blank stares feel especially empty
when a man no longer can see.
That too, a life spent dying deaths
dying while taking living breaths.

Those timid flies you used to always show
suddenly seem so intimidating to me.
The music I seemed to used to know
abruptly are noiseless sounds of the deep.

What good would hands do to write or type
When they are better suited to cleanse tears
and steady my body when it's shaking numb.
Would it make sense to hold back when tears are ripe
when the nothingness between seconds seem like years
when your arm pulses like a parade of drums?

Okay, shower me with your sarcastic compliments.
I only have a few more days to grind.
I don't really need to care since
I'll be leaving for the stars.
I'll look back as I pass Mars
This repressed world was joyfully left behind. . .

wow i guess i am a little late but thank you confuzledsomuchhelp me and here is another one:
Nothing Last forever
except one thing
it isn't earth nor moon
especially not spring
It isn't the breath of the sweet smelling rose
It certainly isn't that innocent pose
it isn't you nor me
it isn't as far as even the eagle can see
This thing this object this sweet remedy
that will make us feel glee
It is called Love

Tell me how you like it

Nice, ian.

She tried, and you depressed her
She denied you, the oppressor
She cried, and you suppressed her
Family man, cop in the living room
She owed all to you and to tragedy
both created the starving artist

Art becomes a composite portrait
for turmoil that longs to die
Pain feels so addictive;
any bandage is a lie.
The truth becomes vindictive;
the charlatan within me hides.

Incompetence and apathy allow the starving artist to breathe
If you save her, you have killed her
In a warm abode, she can't abide
Withhold your love, withhold her breakfast
Without want, she can't survive!

Where once she stood a pauper,
now she himself reclines
With the dawn comes no new mystery;
where he sleeps tonight he can divine
There is no more starving artist;
he now wastes and doesn't want

She fell, lay upon your doorstep
Resolve fell, giving in to pity
He used to be a martyr
He used to be admired
I helped steal that away from her;
he's now so full, he wants but doesn't aspire

He starves for more
He craves for more
She once starved;
now he clamors
I kept the thinning body alive
The starving artist, now fed, has died

Merci.

You are really good dash. I like yours too risika

It Takes A Man

It takes a man to treat a woman right.
Even though we know he aint gone win the fight.

Runnin' round, hangin' with his boys late.
So when he get home you sit him down and tell him to get it straight.

He start yellin' at you and you say, 'Boy, have you lost your mind? I pay the bills here while you living here walking round like you makin all the girls lose they mind!'

It takes a man to respect a woman and a boy to get dropped by one.

Then you say, 'So if you such a man respect me and walk your walk and stop the **** you talk.

Roses Are Dead/ I Played You Too!!

Roses are dead, violets are too.
I'm still in love, but not with you.
You thought you hurt me, and made me cry,
But I was in love with another guy.
Simply because you have no class,
All you can do is kiss my ***.
You sit around and talk your ****.
So **** you and your little *** dick.
You thought you left me, but I left you.
What my man is doing, you cant do.
You tell your homies you played me like a *****,
I tell my girls you have a little *** dick.
You said you loved me; it wasnt true.
But guess what mother ****er,
I PLAYED YOU, TOO!!!!

Thank you.

Very good, Risk. I like it.