i wrote this poem last year, with no notion that i would be posting it online, for people who actually care to see, anytime soon.

i jumped up high,
i jumped up far.
i fell aslep,
upon a star.

i drank up all,
the milky way.
and looked upon,
the earth that day.

blue and green,
no it was red.
covered in,
the blood we shed.

from the streets,
to cold hard war.
it was a sight,
of gross and gore.

for all the hate,
that we release.
i wish we'd trade,
it all for peace.

Kudos

that is very good. I really liked it. Keep on doin what you do.



-Alex
UMGD

Bye the time world peace gets hear i see the world comming to an end as we are dying everyday one day we will be over populated i see Childern asking about sex and parents being scared to tell them the truth but if they are ready to ask then they'r are ready to know if you remember growing up u might rember how your parents said manything and everything being little your mind abosrbes everything and today when you tell your parents they dont believe you so ask your self what would you do or say ? I herd a saying that in a childs eyes mother is god and i asked myself if i thought that about my mother and as i see back then i did now i no to much and i wish i didn'tBye the time world peace gets hear i see the world comming to an end as we are dying everyday one day we will be over populated i see Childern asking about sex and parents being scared to tell them the truth but if they are ready to ask then they'r are ready to know if you remember growing up u might rember how your parents said manything and everything being little your mind abosrbes everything and today when you tell your parents they dont believe you so ask your self what would you do or say ? I herd a saying that in a childs eyes mother is god and i asked myself if i thought that about my mother and as i see back then i did now i no to much and i wish i didn't

I'm going to give you a small bit of advice:

Take the idea you are trying to get across and drop the rhyme scheme. I feel your poem would be a lot stronger if you didn't have ABCB quatrains.

I like it. It's effective... there just isn't too much imagery and word choice could be more creative.