Random question: when we give our time and resources to make our loved ones feel special or happy, we are generally considered to be acting selflessly. But do we give of ourselves to our loved ones out of genuinely selfless interests, or because our own happiness is invested in their happiness?

Wow, what a great day to answer this. Let me tell my story first so I can get the point across better:

My boyfriend was supposed to call me on his break Friday. We haven't gotten to spend any time together this whole week and he had only called me once this entire week (that's a lot for us, we usually talk more and get to see each other more). And then he didn't. I was disappointed because I knew I wasn't going to get to see or talk to him on Saturday (we were both going to be busy with other obligations). But we had planned an afternoon date for this afternoon. So I get up and take a shower, shaving my legs and using good-smelling soap and the whole nine yards making myself as pretty as possible. He doesn't really care about looks but I know it doesn't hurt either. I went to church, looking extremely forward to my afternoon. I get home and read while waiting by the phone for him to call and tell me he's coming to get me. And wait. And wait. Until 2pm when he calls and said his mom had changed her mind about having people over. And, while he wanted to see me, my boyfriend said he kinda just wanted to spend time with his mom since it was Mother's Day.

I was severely disappointed. I hadn't got to talk to him much that week or see him much at all. I'd gotten myself all dolled up and then...it was for nothing.

So, here as been my little thought about love. If you truly love someone, you can go through all this trouble, get nothing for it in return and still love the person you're with. I did all this primping for him but, in effect, it made myself feel good too because I felt pretty. But then I felt horrible about it because I'd gotten nothing in return.

However, there are some selfless acts. Like not being mad at him because he wants to spend time with his mom on Mother's Day even though you desperately want to see him.

Okay, I rambled. It doesn't make a lot of sense. I'm done now.

More likely, it's because people expect love in return. People are generally like that. Every once in a while, along comes someone who goes to such lengths to save/help/make happy the object of their love that they eventually become impoverished in their quest to show their undying devotion to that other person. That is true love. Selfless, unconditional love.

Humans are naturally selfish creatures, and we have to recognize that. HOWEVER, we do have the abilty to be incredibly giving people. It all depends on what kind of love it is. I have loved many people before, and it was a pretty selfish thing, considering I was in love with the idea of being in love, to make me feel good. I did not realize it, but it was not really the person I was in love with, it was more the idea of love. If that makes sense to you guys. Anyhow, I am completely in love with my boyfriend, and in this case, it is not selfish, because I love him for who he is. I'm in love with him, and not any idea. Love is only really selfish if it is not true. Of course, there will always be SOME selfishness...We are humans beings, right?

Damn, I wrote an article on YN with a similar topic. I guess you'll all read my opinion there.

quote:

When you see something say in the store and you think of them, and you just have to buy it. It is being unselfish, thinking of others.

Yeah but are you really buying it because you want to? Or because of what you'll get in return for giving them that gift?
I see this constantly in a friend. He spends most of his money on his girlfriend. Is it because he really wants to? No, of course not. It's because of what he gets back because of it. He feels happy and "loved" for the ten minutes that she's all "thanks I love you". Then things go back to normal and he's got 100$ less in his pocket, but whatever I'm not going to criticize him, he obviously thinks she's worth it.

it can be both. you are happy if they are happy. and, you are trying to make them happy all at the same time. you want them to be happy. so you do things for them. you decide if it is selfish or not. if you want something in return it is selfish. if you expect nothing in return then you are just being nice.

When we give our time and resources to a loved one it can be both. You want them to be happy and if they are happy your happy. When you see something say in the store and you think of them, and you just have to buy it. It is being unselfish, thinking of others. When you can get to the point that when your both happy and you can please a person w/o all the wealth then you know its real love.