what do you all think of my poems??? i would love any kind of reaction...

IRAQ

a vast barren land
floated before my eyes
i thought i was free
but i wasn't.
Living here is a game of chance
like a game of chess
or a deck of cards.
freedom is nothing but dust
a bitter word that rolls
around my mouth.
I am only ten
but i know a lot.
Pain is my shadow
Hunger is my playmate
and guns...
Guns are death.
I don't know where home is
for i only hide.
I beg...
I suffer...
I tremble...
this game of hide and seek goes on
and I am afraid,
afraid of this nightmare
this beast,
thishorrible, bloody
enemy, that is WAR.

FIELDS OF PURPLE
the porch swing sways gently
its hinges full of rust
the leaves of the trees rustled
with every little breeze
and the fields of purple,
so much like Van Gogh's
captivated this lobely heart.

This lonely heart sat and waited
for her lover to come back
tears and sobs racked its soul,
illusions are in her eyes.
The breeze whispered promises of love
and the fields of purple,
so much like Van Gogh's
cried and pitied this souless heart.

Oh, what a shame to see this heart!
this heart once full of joy,
now filled with aching memories
The years passed with age, leaving and remembering
But this heart had hopeful joys
when the fields of purple,
so much like Van Goh's
has made way for the lover, once lost
and now found.

NOTES: The Iraq poem, i used a ten year old kid as the one who narrated the poem and i got the inspiration from an article in Time magazine about Iraq
The Fields of Purple, i just made this poem by imagining a countryside filled with acres of purple flowers and a woman who lives in a house who sat waiting for her lover to come back from the war. I used Van Gogh because he is one of my favorite painters and i have read that he likes to paint countrysides with lots of colors.

Damn. You got me there.

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What you say, Jamaica, implies that this is a good thread

sure, it is a good thread. Any poetry thread is good.

What you say, Jamaica, implies that this is a good thread.

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Just post them in the post your poems here thread. Don't bring up a thread that has long sinse died. Please

I LIKE it here and this is a personal thread...besides, I just want some comments. And I would bring up old threads that areof good influence and those that are nice...Even if they died, I could still resurrect them. Why let good boards that have long since died go to waste? There are lots of old boards that are worth looking back into.

Just post them in the post your poems here thread. Don't bring up a thread that has long sinse died. Please

WHICH DO YOU LIKE BEST??? The first version or the second? thanks.


Why? By: Jamaica

Why is the world so unkind?

Why is there filth in every man's tongue?

Why is there chaos everywhere?

Why are there bombs and disasters?

Why do people hate others?

Why do we have different religions?

Why do we feel superior sometimes?

Why does everything have to be so complicated?

WHy can't some people appreciate?

Why can't we have our own rules?

WHy can't we have freedom and justice?

Why can't we just live in Peace?




Why? (Second version)
By: Jamaica

Why is it so difficult?
To choose the right against the wrong?
Between good against evil?
Why is sex so casual today?
Doesn’t anyone value virginity anymore?
Or is the wait for aroused passion to be quenched
Too much to bear?
Why is there abortion?
Doesn’t anyone see beauty in the life of a newborn?
Or is it because of selfishness over selflessness?
Why is there abuse of drugs?
Doesn’t anyone know that it makes you sick and makes you lose focus?
Or is it the weakness and the fear that makes one escape reality?
Why is smoking such a fad these days?
Doesn’t anyone realize that it causes lung cancer and affects those around us?
Or is it because of the stubbornness to listen or to care?
Why do people commit suicide?
Doesn’t anyone find worth in living and in themselves?
Or is it because of too much peer pressure or one’s negative outlook in life?
Why do people cuss?
Doesn’t anyone know that it is rude and a product of bad manners?
Or is it because you’d rather join the crowd and refuse to stand alone?
Why are good advices plenty yet only a few heed them?
Why does caring have to be instructed instead of being spontaneous?
Why do many fall into temptation?
In real life, there are only two choices.
Tell me,
Why is it so difficult
To choose the right against the wrong
Between good against evil?

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thanks for posting on the other thread with ash's poem on it, she really likes to get feed back on her work.

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Sure... i love poems a lot.. hehehe especially if its about life, love, romance and sweet stuff.... Mine aren't that good anyway.

thanks for posting on the other thread with ash's poem on it, she really likes to get feed back on her work.

please go to my webpage click me

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my friend ashley wrote that, do you guys like it? sorry jamaica, didnt mean to steal your thread. btw, i <3'd your poetry!

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hey, you stole my thread!! *joke* hehehehe... its ok.... you can post any poem here as long as you also have to comment on my poems... be it bad or good comments )

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Sorry, I mean there are other ways to describe certain feelings... like fear... instead of saying "I fear", say something you do when you fear.

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ohh.... its ok, Celtic... i guess i havent written any recent poems and um, those two poems were written last February 2004.. and well, it has been a long time so my vocabulary wasnt all that great. LOL i write poems only when i feel like it, i guess i dont write poems all the time that is why sometimes i lose some of my ability to write really good ones.

my friend ashley wrote that, do you guys like it? sorry jamaica, didnt mean to steal your thread. btw, i <3'd your poetry!

my life, live

And Imaginary world,
Surrounded by evil, poverty, and suicidal tendencies,
Smothered in disappointment,
Wallowing in filth.

Astonished by the condemned simplicity,
Tragedy's passion comes to a piercing halt,
Unexpected dialog throughout my shattered skull,
Transparent cracks in my tainted heart.

Manic depression spreads an epidemic throughout the vast nothingness they call home,
Oblivious to the Maniac's spine chilling melodies ringing in all to hear it's ears,
Rancid emotions slapped against the all-seeing-eyes,
Drowning in the blood shed from innocent souls.

Misplaced empathy,
Vague Apathy runs through my veins,
Frustration running wild in the streets,
Insomnia burned into my brain.

All possible hope has vanished,
In front of all the worlds' eyes,
Indifference becomes a devastating plague,
The nonsense is ridiculous.

Reality seems to be only a Meir dream,
Obscure and fatal,
Nonetheless the pain is beyond any man-made-torture,
And you would think an imaginary world could never be like this.

But the saddest part of this dream,
Is that imaginary world,
That strange and vile world,
Is our reality.

Those are some corny poems. And I'm not trying to be mean or anything, because I used to write corny poems too. The're just too "elementary" to me. Maybe you should try using better vocabulary.

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and sure, i will try to come up with more descriptive words and you can also post your poems..even if they are scary.

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Sorry, I mean there are other ways to describe certain feelings... like fear... instead of saying "I fear", say something you do when you fear.

I think that they were okay. They could have been better but they are okay for what they are and what they are about. Still good job anyway.

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I don't like the second one.. but it's just not my type of poem, don't expect me to like it.

THe Iraq one has a good idea, I think it could be more... descriptive and the words are too flat, I think.

I'd post my poems, but I know they'll scare some of you.

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hmmm... its ok if you dont like the second one Celtic. I even like my Iraq better than the second too...LOL
and sure, i will try to come up with more descriptive words and you can also post your poems..even if they are scary.

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Poetry's really not my thing, but I like them.

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thanks Aguagon....

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Yeah, i like "fields of purple" too.

No, i did like you at the beginning. this doesn't have to do with that. it has to do with pure criticsism(haha)

It's pretty good, considering i twas in a foul mood yesterday, that's why i had said that. overall i would give it an 8.7 out of 10.
Poetry's really not my thing, but I like them.
Those both are really great Jamaica! I like 'Fields of Purple' alot! Keep up the good work!
Not bad Jamaica. I like the 'Fields of Purple'. Good Job.

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WOW... thanks!!! i never really thought my poems were that nice... considering you all think it is nice. But hey, thanks... I have wrote a lot of poems but most of them are kinda long so i just posted two of them... and i am also open for suggestions, so thank you for those who made some comments on the grammar or something.

Yeah, i like "fields of purple" too.

No, i did like you at the beginning. this doesn't have to do with that. it has to do with pure criticsism(haha)

It's pretty good, considering i twas in a foul mood yesterday, that's why i had said that. overall i would give it an 8.7 out of 10.