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Registered: December 19, 2002
Posts: 1708
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not bad, my suggestion is to avoid words such as "it's" and "are"
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Registered: December 11, 2003
Posts: 9501
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I don't like the second one.. but it's just not my type of poem, don't expect me to like it. THe Iraq one has a good idea, I think it could be more... descriptive and the words are too flat, I think. I'd post my poems, but I know they'll scare some of you.
"Regardless, I have always, and will always, succeed."
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Registered: March 08, 2004
Posts: 1686
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Poetry's really not my thing, but I like them.
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Registered: November 30, 2004
Posts: 4514
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Those both are really great Jamaica! I like 'Fields of Purple' alot! Keep up the good work! 
"I Dream away everyday, Try so hard to disregard The rhythm of t he rain that drops, And coincides with the beating of my heart"
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Registered: August 14, 2003
Posts: 1845
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Not bad Jamaica. I like the 'Fields of Purple'. Good Job.
Life is a long lesson in humility. -James M. Barrie; "Are you terrorizing babies again...!?" -Some lady I heard
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Registered: August 17, 2001
Posts: 5811
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Not bad, but in IRAQ, try to blend in the line "I am only ten but i know a lot." It really just sticks out.
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Registered: June 28, 2003
Posts: 2745
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quote:
bleh. there okay. work on the words, you're going a little overboard..
thanks bella... i know you never liked me anyways..... but thanks for the comment. |
Registered: July 26, 2004
Posts: 2891
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bleh. there okay. work on the words, you're going a little overboard..
Evitere Les Contrefacons.
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