If you could, please rate this out of ten?
Please and thank you. =)

Leaving it

Just leaving my heart
Is one big mistake
Out in the open
It always leads to heartbreak,

Relationship after another
You think its finally perfect
And it all decides to fall apart
It is all just one big afflict,

Leaving my heart open
Just down on my sleeve
Love is all too confusing
You better believe,

You strive to pull back together
Every time a heartbreak is near
You just stutter as you stand there
With each and every tear,

You thought it would never end
The next thing you know
Youre taking the next bus
To heartbreak down low,

You strive to stand strong
Be totally strong
And all you can do is break down
Everything just feels wrong,

Relationships one after another
You want it to be finally perfect
And all it does it fall apart on you
It is all just one huge afflict,

You strive to pull back together
Every time another heartbreak is near
You just stutter as you can only stand there
And watch every tear,

Every tear
Streams down another victims face
As heartbreak strikes again
Stand tall and strong for you will find a place.

well, im not a fan of love poems but that one actually made me smile. excellent!!!!!!!!!

quote:

Originally posted by gaby_babyy:
dont really get the very last sentence.

I think it has to do with not letting a seperation (break-up,divorce) get in your way of finding another because there is some one out there that wants you for who you realy are

I like it =)
I wouldn't be able to find the things that the other people are talking about fixing but I dont really get the very last sentence.

I won't give your poem a definite rating but so far I'd give it a 6, it has the potential to be better. It's a strong stanza at the end but it doesn’t really fit in, some of the stanzas leading up to it don't really give it the back bone it would need. Punctuation would really help with the flow of your poem, in some of the stanzas it was a little difficult to understand. I think you should give the poem something that will make it stand out more.

Few things.
1. Read out loud to get flow down. It helps.
2. Insert correct punctuation in or no punctuation at all. It will help with flow.
3. Check your word choice-- afflict is a verb and you're using it as a noun.
4. Your last stanza is out of rhythm. It needs the most work.

You'll get there with this poem, but there are just a few suggestions to make it better and stronger. Also, for future reference, never mess with grammar or incorrect word choice in a poem unless you are either e.e. cummings or know what you're doing. Often, when you mess around with word usage and grammar (i.e. morn instead of morning, "my dog he was" instead of "he was my dog"), especially when you just want to fit a patter, you show ineptitude with language. Many poets make mistakes like that and it's best to consciously start making sure you do not do that now instead of trying to fix it later when you get to college and take writing courses.