Almost Philosopher
They mean well, but just don't get it. When they get their chance to show what they got, they typically find themselves thesaurusing the longest word they can find for anything in an attempt to out word their opponents. Or simply googling for their answers.

The sexually confused kiddie
Hey guys I'm 13 and I wanna know how to know if I'm gay? I have a girlfriend but I like being with my best friend a lot more does that mean Im gay? Also my favorite colour is pink.

The MYKEYBOARDISBROKENICANTUSECOMMAS
Some rare coincidence seems to bring about these individuals. Every single one of them uses a broken keyboard that lacks the comma. It's rather funny considering they could easily get a new one for 5$ in any electronics store.

Stealth Vet:
A veteran who left and came back under a different name, also counts for any sock puppet accounts an active vet may have (like FOD's TheRiceGuy)

quote:

I was SO thinking that YV! It's a good thing you are able to read minds, or it would be Thursday before I would have taken the time to post it.

The Remember Me?!?!?!?!?
The remember me is a former One Post Wonder who returned from the multitude of the long dead. They come back and post, "remember me? I am [insert newb here] and I remember all of you guys and all of yall are sooooooo cool and I hearts you all!!! yall do remember me, right?"

I was SO thinking that YV! It's a good thing you are able to read minds, or it would be Thursday before I would have taken the time to post it.

The One Post Wonder
Posts once and once only on the boards and disappears in to cyberspace never to be seen again. Surprisingly, a lot of the threads started by these so called one-post-wonders are still around till today even though they posted years ago.

This thread is amazing.

Resuscitate!

Yes, I have revived this very old thread since there has been a lot of talk about newbies lately.

The Segway

The newbies that come on and write things like "I like cheese" that have nothing at all to do with the conversation. For example: On a thread about terrorism, "God will tell you."

Umm...okay...I believe in God, but you know that really has nothing to do with the conversation.

Wow strangelove, you really captured the essence of so many people on here. The two kinds of newbies that irritate me the most are the Jesus freak, and the "emo newbie" as hubbabaloo so accurately illustrates.

I do like quite a few of the most recent newbies so far though.

The Emo Newbie

Example: *clicks on caps lock*

I SO H8 MY MOM. SHE'S JUST SO EVIL AND I H8 HER. SHE BEATS ME ALL THE TIME AND THEN I COME OOUT OF MY ROOMAND SHE DOESNT CARE ABOUT ME AT ALL... SEE SHE JUST WALKED IN THE ROOM AND SWORE AT ME...I H8 HER AND I H8 HER SO MUCH THAT I'VE STARTED CUTTING AND STUFF. ITS SO SAD AND I ALWAYS WANT TO KILL MYSELF.

Which newbie am/was I? Anyways, has anyone else seen the emo newbies, or is it just me?

True but alot of the "newier newbes" are actually pretty cool. (Dragon, Carpet, Diva{maybe we'll see}, McFool, Midnight,any one who I am missing sorry.) But there are alot of cool vets and regs.

The Jackass:
The newbie to stupid to actually make a point about something and settles for spaming the boards with crap no one cares about, pissing off risk and breaking up discussion threads with smilies
Note: Thanks to the board conservation program these animals are nearly extinct

The Ultimate Teh IM tYp3r:
Types in acronyms and shortings so confusing that even experinced translators can't understand what the hell they are saying. these are rarer incomparison to normal Teh IM tYp3rs

quote:

Typically this fits under the Jesus Freak. I didn't want to risk being redundant.

I wouldn't have minded, especially considering you have a gays-only section anyways. Not all homophobes have a Bible in their pocket 24-7.

quote:

I would just like to note that there is the anti-homosexual version of this kind of newbie as well.

Typically this fits under the Jesus Freak. I didn't want to risk being redundant.

quote:

The Egotist/The Closed Mind

I love crushing these guys, hehe.

The Egotist
So what if they have only two measly, illegible posts? They're the head of their class at Yale, studying to become the worlds youngest Nobel Prize winning astrophysicist. Their father is the founder and CEO of Chevron, and the library is named after their great-uncle. Spelling just gets in the way.

The Closed Mind
They won every battle at their "old" forum, and their here to convert the rest of us who dare to question them. Newb? They are insulted by the term. They are not a newb, they simply hadn't discovered this site before. They are way better than you, and will let you know it. Don't bother convincing them, they've known the answers since conception.

It really is. O.O I have one!

The Anti-Illegal Drugs Fanatic
Rather rare on YN, the new kid on the block who aligns him/herself with all that is 'righteous' but has never even really known (a) what drugs are like (b) anyone that does them. Generally hates anyone who proposing legalizing anything currently illegal in terms of drugs. Because of their endangered nature, they quickly convert to Pro-Drugs or abandon the YN NOISEboards area.

That used to be me... Ugh...

Haha, when I was a newbie - ironically enough - I was the Jesus Freak. That is just too funny.

quote:

I. Fucking. Love. You.

I. Agree. With. You. (Me. Too.)

quote:

I'm Here, I'm Queer, Get Used To It! ...or... Lets reverse all homosexual stereotypes and post them because I think I'm witty:
The young kid who may or may not be gay, but is fervently into the rhetoric that some gay interest groups spew out. They frequently come on the boards and post yet-another topic about gay rights or how they're so proud of they're sexuality. Guess what. We're all comfortable with it too, we've got many gay members, we all know. Sit down for a while and calm yourself.

I would just like to note that there is the anti-homosexual version of this kind of newbie as well.