The first time I met my mother I was 6. She was just getting out of the “hospital”. She didn’t talk to me really, just “Hi” gave me a hug and told me how big I was. She was mostly talking to my dad and hanging around him. He had just gotten out of the army after the Gulf war.

My mom was pregnant with my little sister Brittany, and the doctors said they don’t think she will try to kill this one. I guess it was then I began to think she loved her more then me.

Whenever it was just my mom, my sister, and me, I was always having to walk behind them while everyone commented on how cute and precious she was. When we got out of the car my mom would say, “don’t walk to close because I don’t want to step on your feet or anything, just wait until we get to the curb over there before you start to follow us ok?” then her and my sister would go hand and hand down the street. Some times when we ate out, my mom would make me sit at another table, she would just say, “This one is too full”

Rejection was the only thing I ever did right.

Human contact

My school was full of beautiful people. And I was anything but. I was picked one because I never talked, and beat up because… I guess they just didn’t like me.

Parents, Teachers, and Politicians talk about how music, television, and video games poison are minds and makes us killers. It was day in, day out belittling that did it to me. I had no friends, and even less love. I began to hate everyone. I couldn’t sleep because everything I did, I had nightmares. I never wanted to wake up because every time I did someone was there to make me feel ever lower.

I hated god more then anyone. If he was real why would he let me suffer like this.

No way out of hell

My first suicide attempt came at 14. I have the scares both in my memory and my wrists. A constant reminder of how weak I was.

I was young when I did my first drug. Marijuana. People say it isn’t a gateway drug. It is. They say not to smoke it when your depressed, but what else is there to cure a 24 hour depression? A gun. . .
I wasn’t on that long because I moved to speed. Then began experimenting with heroin.
Speed was my favorite one though. It made me feel good, like I was able to do what anyone else can.
Like I wasn’t different and all that, that has happened to me doesn’t matter.

I was high, riding with some of my “friends” and we hit another car head on. It was a Old lady, she didn’t die or even get her, but the car that rear-ended her had a little boy in the front seat who ended up in are front windshield. . . This was my first wake up call.

Drug rehab was my sentence

Drug rehabilitation was hell. Because of my drug (pills, speed painkillers ect.) I wasn’t allowed medication to get over my addiction. Instead if you go 34 days without it, then you are successfully rehabilitated from drug use. . .
I was 15. I had my own room, it was 5 x 8. Just enough floor room for a rusty cot and toilet. . . That didn’t work. My walls were padded and pink. . . They thought I would like a little color. I was given a pair for red flannel Pajamas that I would wear for the next 34 days. I had 1 light that I couldn’t control, and it was caged up so I couldn’t unscrew it and use it to kill myself. The only people who came in my cell were people to give me food, or clean my cell for me. And I had to be straight jacketed first until I showed “good behavior”

They told me the only way to get out is to live. I laughed and said “I only got a month and 3 days, then I get my next fix.” they said “You’ll see”

quote:

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Billy ur a nice guy and most of the time very funnie...dont wory...every1 noe they like u...i do...

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Thanx!!

I'm not saying literally everyone hates me, just through time people have singled me out for punishment. To me it doesn't really matter anymore if people hate me or not...as long as I can live with myself, and do what is right. Then I'm all set!

keep an eye out by the way...Korith's post has given me an idea about something...it's about school...so you know where to look

Billy ur a nice guy and most of the time very funnie...dont wory...every1 noe they like u...i do...

Korith I must say, that sucks and I'm sorry stuff like this happens to people. But if you think you may have come to the wrong place, I'm guessing you don't by your post, there are alot of people here who can relate and understand. If you need to talk, people are willing to talk with you. And it is sad in it's self I would have to say "alot" of people here understand...including me.

No I have never been sexually molested, however I was a very big mistake. As I was reminded most of my life, my parents would never have been married if it weren't for me. For those of you against abortion consider what Korith's mom did and yes my mother did to me...tried to kill us in most disgusting ways. I never go into much detail, cos' it's my life and I have that choice...but I was born dead...and for this reason I don't even really like to celebrate my birthday...for I was never born...just resurrected if you will.

I even recall going through early years of school being singled out and picked on by my teachers. They never had a reason...I "was" a very silent child. By fourth grade a teacher had hated me so much, due to her reports I was nearly the first kid in fourth grade ever expelled from school. And honestly...I still am unaware of what I did to deserve it. But from 4th grade on...the silence ended.

So Korith...you...me...religion may be like mixing fire with gasoline, I don't hate you, I'm more like you than you think.

Well, that sucks.

Seriously, I have a heart.. but when I read the thread title, that Eminem song popped into my head, heh.

i agree with teddy. i could never tell my whole story. what you guys have heard is hardly half the story. who knows, maybe ill get over my many fears and tell you all about my life. its all i can do to be silent. i also give you a big internet hug and smile!

-Depressed WaveMaster

::Gives Korith and Teddy and JustMyself each a great big bear hug and a kiss on the cheek::

God loves you and so do I!

Korith- I'm so sorry you had to go throught that. I've been sexually abused/harassed all my life. And I know it's not fun. I'm afraid of men. And that's sad. I'm afraid to go places by myself. I'm afraid my Dad will do something to me. I'm afraid my Grandpa will do something to me again. I'm afraid of my male teachers. And sometimes even my male friends. I'm just afraid. And that's why I'm a b!tch to guys. Unless I get to know them. So if you ever want to talk IM me at JustMyself135911. And that's my story.
-JM

if you need any help, just come to us. we'd be happy to help you.

This is the saddest story i've ever heard....

That's great that your sharing your story with us Korith. I just wish you had a happy story to tell but it seems like no one does anyways. There's a lot of people who can relate to you so you may find them when someone reads this. I can't do it!!! I mean I can't tell my story on the Internet nor to anyone period. I could share bits and pieces but when it comes to other stuff (The stuff I feel ashame of and makes me a dirty, evil person)then I can't say.

I'm not much of a talker anyways and the last thing I want to talk about it me. I hate me so I rather not talk about me. It sickens me!

Bye n Have a nice day

awww...I would've taken care of you..but i wasnt even born yet...