Hi, I don't know if anyone can help me, but I have a problem. It goes like this: I've been dating this guy for 1 yr, 1 month and I'm totally in love with him. Well, I have a pretty bad home life, adn my parents treat us (me and him) awful. Well, my boyfriend has ben getting tired of it, adn now it seems he is taking it out on me and getting sort've abusive. He's slapped me across the face and I think he might have fractured a bone in my hand. The few people i have told (which hasn't been many) said I need to break up with him, but I cant. This may sound stupid but I love him way to much, and on top of that he threatened me if I woudl ever leave him. I dont know what to do, can anyone help me, please???

gurl please.........sike naw. i understand what your goin through my friend had the same problem. but anways my advice to you is to not break the relationship. maybe consider counseling because he's threatening you not to break up with him because he's afraid that you'll leave him and he wants to have control over that he wants you that bad but he can't express it in the right way. follow your heart and do what's right. if thing go further than him slapping you and he threatens your life then consult a adult IMMEDIATELY!!!buh-bye!

Breaking up with him might be a good start. There are other birds in the sky, you know.

For anyoen who might remember, I was having problems with an abusive boyfriend. I want to thank all of you for your advice. I am still with him but we have worked on it, and he is doing better I suppose, he hasn't hit me, but... well it's all a long story. Does anyoen know how to get a guy to understand that they are really hurting you adn your getting tired of it? I have tried everything, but he wont listen, please help.

Well first things first you cant love someone else without loving yourself. if you love your self you wouldn't have any excuses for the way he is treating you. a person doesn't love you if they hit you. that's just an excuse when you say it because of your parent. Life is going to to always throw you hard obsticle and you have to bare through them, not take it out on some one else. You have to take this in to consideation if he can deal with problems at home, imagine when he gets into the real world and life throuws 5 or six at a time. he is really going to hurt you. He has to find another way to handle situation because trust me they only get worst(i mean the physical abuse)
Hi, I don't know if anyone can help me, but I have a problem. It goes like this: I've been dating this guy for 1 yr, 1 month and I'm totally in love with him. Well, I have a pretty bad home life, adn my parents treat us (me and him) awful. Well, my boyfriend has ben getting tired of it, adn now it seems he is taking it out on me and getting sort've abusive. He's slapped me across the face and I think he might have fractured a bone in my hand. The few people i have told (which hasn't been many) said I need to break up with him, but I cant. This may sound stupid but I love him way to much, and on top of that he threatened me if I woudl ever leave him. I dont know what to do, can anyone help me, please??? [/QUOTE]

Many things to be considered.

Number one, if you do believe you may be pregnant, I highly advise not telling this person. Doing so may only anger him more, and since he has had a problem with this in the past, you cannot be aware of just how serious the situation could escalate.

Two, I strongly advise leaving this guy and filing a restraining order should the need arise. I myself have a hard time grasping how you can love this person after they have physically hurt you purposefully, and it leads me to question what your idea of 'love' is. I know that sounds harsh, but it's something you need to consider. At 16, unless you've had an overwhelming amount of mature relationships, which is highly unlikely for that age, you cannot make an informed decision, in my opinion, about what love is. Thus, I think you need to take the safest, and ultimately wisest choice here, and break up with this person. Maybe I am incorrect, and maybe you do love him. But one thing I am sure of is that if you truly love someone you do NOT physically abuse them, and you do NOT threaten them if they leave you, which is exactly what he has done. The way you feel for him does not appear to be mutual, and the situation will only get worse over time, most likely becoming more abusive and more controlling than it currently is.

Don't let him fool you into thinking he can control aspects of your life after you leave him. There are many ways around it. As stated earlier, a restraining order can be filed. You might have friends, family, etc, who would be able to intimidate this person into leaving you alone (though this option can lead to bad things, so I don't recommend it.) Also remember that there is very, very, very little chance this person could EVER ruin a future relationship for you that would be beneficial to you, because someone who really cared about you wouldn't give a rat's arse about what an abusive ex-boyfriend said.

Moving back to the pregnancy topic, regardless of how it plays out, remember that is YOUR decision. I don't know how you feel about having a child, and I don't think anyone will lie to you and tell you it will be easy to care for one at 16 years of age. But again, that is your choice. This is also why it is best not to tell him that you are pregnant, at least not right now, not under the current circumstances. While I do acknowledge that it is the man's child as well, I believe he yielded all his rights in the relationship the moment he started abusing you. It will be your child, and it will be your life, so you have to make the decision. Do NOT let this man pressure you into anything that you do not want to do.

I truly do hope this situation works out well for you, and that you do decide this is an unhealthy relationship and you need to leave him. I will try to help you in any way possible should you need further advice. Simply send me private mail on here.

Regards,
J.

First of all I want to say, I'm glad to see you have come to your senses. Some girls I have met dont even have the brains to question what to do...they just act like zombies and let their boyfriends do whatever they want to them.

Have you ever considered that maybe the reason why your mom is mean to you and your guy is because she doesn't like him? (just a prediction)

If you think you're pregnant make sure you talk to someone. You dont have to talk to your parents d-i-r-e-c-t-l-y...but keep in mind, they will have to know sometime even if you think you might be. It's very important to take charge and figure out what is going on. If you have a child inside you, it is your responsibility to make decisions and do what's best. There are hotlines you can call. It's some people's job to help people in your situation.

As for the guy....
...everyone gets angry...
...everyone takes anger out on things..
But there has to be a line drawn. To me it sounds like this guy needs some help. Talk to him. Tell him you dont like it when he hits you. Be firm and strong, make sure he gets the idea that you wont allow anymore hitting.

You're only 16. This guy has to get it through his head that he has no right to be with you if you hit him.

It doesn't seem like he is just something that has to do with you... this guy is a part of you. And because he is a part of you, again, you need to alert him that you wont take this **** from him.

...and that he needs help. There are people who can help with anger problems. If you care for him, get him some help. You don't want him to end up as a wife beater. (As scary as that does sound)

Think about it...it will benefit the both of you. He will get help and you can take a break and think things through.

I really hope you find a way to work around him. Please, take precautions. If you think you might be pregnant and this guy is hitting you...things could get much worse...I urge you to do these things...instead of just considering and thinking about it.

If you need some support or just need someone to talk to, feel free to email me or instant message me anytime you just need that voice out there to help...

Yahoo IM: Unspoken_illusionist
Aim: PiercedXEyeballs

I wish you the best of luck. <3

Ok ya'll love each other right? Why don't u just say if u love me like u say u do why do u have hit me? The person that love u is not suppose to beat u that's not love. If i was u i would get tired of him hitting me and i would put my handn back and knock some sense in him. That's what me mom taught me. So don't just keep letting him beat you because it might get worse. email me if u got any questions.

being that in love can suck at times,trust me i know,if you think you really love him then talk to him and talk to your parents so they know how you feel,maybe they'll ease up a bit,if you can't do that the best thing you can do no matter how much you love him to is get out of the relationship.that may be really hard but if he starts abusing you more it could end up serious and you shouldnt have to live with that,just remember if he loved you he wouldnt take it out on you

You love him right, then talk to him about what happened and your parents. he sould have never hit you, but maybe you and him need to sit down and talk things through. If he loves you like you love him, he should be willing to talk to you and work things out. Also you need to talk to your parents about the way they are treating you. They are your parents and they need to listen to your problems. Talk to them and work things out.

Yea leave him for your sake.

Life is way too short to stay in a situation such as yours. If he hits you, he obviously doesn't love you. You should really put this in perspective: if you leave him, you have a whole life ahead of you to find another guy who you're just as much in love with. Trust me, he's not the only guy you'll love. However, if you stay with him, you might not survive to love again. Sounds sappy, but it's true. Abusive relationship = Threat to Life.

Basically what luvabug said: if he's abusive, don't let him know you're pregnant, or if you do, don't let him pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do.

Also, follow the advice from everyone else for the rest of it.

If you want my honest opinion, I'd go through with the pregnancy and if he's still being abusive, don't let him know you're pregnant...that could possibly make him want to hurt you more and he'd probably try to pressure you into an abortion or something. If you have the baby you could give him/her up for adoption if you wanted, or keep it, and if he didn't know then at least you know the decision you made was YOUR decision and not what he made you decide.


I haven't been on that situation so if something I said was offensive, I'm sorry. I'm just saying if I was in that situation, I'd go through with the pregnany. I obviously don't know what it's like and I'm not trying to tell you what you should do.

I thank all of you for your advice, and it has helped. Some of it was a little hard to take. but thanks anyway. Now, I have a question dealing with the same thing, and I need advice not insults. I'm not saying one way or the other, meaning i'm not saying I am and I'm not saying I'm not. What should I do if I'm pregnant with his child?? I'm 16 so you can no longer get him for rape. So, if I would be pregnant, what then?? I just need advice, and as soon as possible, like before tomorrow. Somethign could happen, and I have to find out.

quote:

---

Well, I have a pretty bad home life, adn my parents treat us (me and him) awful. Well, my boyfriend has ben getting tired of it, adn now it seems he is taking it out on me and getting sort've abusive.

---

Well, first of all, let me tell you something. There is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for him to treat you in that manner and abuse you.

quote:

---

This may sound stupid but I love him way to much, and on top of that he threatened me if I woudl ever leave him.

---

In an abusive relationship, it's all about power. It's about him needing to have power over you and control of what you do or don't do. Let me tell you something, I don't think that your relationship is going to get any better. In fact, I thihk it's only going to get much worst. Usually it has a pattern. Everything is fine and wonderful, then he gets abusive, then very abusive, then he seems repent asks for forgiveness and acts very nice for a short amount of time(this is called the honeymoon period). Then he gets abusive again. As the pattern continues the abusive situations will increase and the honeymoon period will decrease. This is why you must get out of this abusive situation as soon as possible. I know that you say you love him deeply. But you can't let him walk all over you and take away your self worth. Don't make up excuses for him, nothing excuses his behavior. Please, take this advice in to consideration. An unhealthy relationship isn't going to take you anywhere. It will only make you miserable and just when you think things will get better, they will only turn worst. The statistics say it all, mija. You are a young 16yr old, you have much ahead of you and I'm sure that you will meet someone that trully deserves your love and affection. As for him, he needs help. But don't try to mentor him yourself. You'll only hurt yourself even more. Oh, by the way, the concept of "I can change him or If he's with me he'll change" is a myth. Good luck and take care.

leave him, just leave. why would you put yourself through that?

LEAVE HIM GODDAMITT!!!!!! GET A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST HIM ITS ONLY GOING TO MAKE IT WORST IF YOU STAY WITH HIM!!!!

JGirl15,

berenelen had some excellent advice for you. Please consider talking with a parent, teacher, school counselor or other trusted adult. You may also want to try one of the following hotlines, but remember that in an emergency you should contact 911.

· Child Abuse
1-800-4-A-CHILD

· Domestic Violence
1-800-799-SAFE

Is Your Relationship Abusive? We don't want to trivialize your experiences by taking a quiz but please check out the resources available when you complete the quiz.

Also check out the YouthNOISE Yellow Pages to locate additional information that may help you.

Actually a lot of girls in abusive relationships say the same thing. They don't leave because they love the guy. So back off yners. In this case you're being a bit harsh. You don't help someone by insulting them.

My friend was in the same kind of relationship to a point where after they broke up, he began to stalk her, apologize profusely, and ask to be friends. Needless to say, she filed a restraint order. Number 1 tell your parents. Even if your homelife sucks or what not. If you tell your parents it will better. If that is nt an option talk to a counsler. My recommendation is a restraining order like ikki mentioned. This means that if he's anywhere near you, he could get in serious legal trouble.

Once you get this restraining order. Avoid him all together. Don't ever accept him back into your life because that will always lead to problems. Even in your current relationship, if he hits you and then just apologizes and begs for forgiveness and tells you that he won't do it again, DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! He will hit you again. You have to let your common sense overpower your emotional side. Whatever you do, don't tolerate this any longer. It is better to be heartbroken for a month or two than to continue this.