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Registered: August 17, 2001
Posts: 6970
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In all honesty, is it wrong of me to laugh? What tragedy it is to be just smart enough to know that you are doomed to a life of painful idiocy.
"We know how cruel the truth often is, and we wonder whether delusion is not more consoling"
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Registered: December 11, 2003
Posts: 9501
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quote: ok, you all are forgetting something here. He threatened to hurt me really bad if I ever leave. I'M ENGAGED TO THE GUY, ALREADY. So what do I do about that. He told me that he would not leave me alone adn he would make life very hard. He said that he'll tell all potential b/f's of mine stuff that would make them leave me alone. I'm really scared. So, te option to just pack up and leave wont work!!!!
Look, I have been in this type of thing. He WILL hit you again. It doesn't matter if he says he's sorry and takes to to dine in a fancy place or something. And he will start by slapping you, there's gonna come a point where he will beat you. You are engaged to him?!?!?!? Are you stupid or just pretending?!?!?!? You, by marrying him, are accepting his hitting you. He can threaten to make your life hard, but you can make it harder for him. Exactly, you tell the police. You tell everyone he hit you. Enough said. He will not change. Never. Unless he goes to serious therapy. It's your choice, either break up and date a good guy, or marry this fool and let him shoot you one day.
"Regardless, I have always, and will always, succeed."
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Registered: August 17, 2001
Posts: 5812
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Listen to what everyone else said, and quote: He told me that he would not leave me alone adn he would make life very hard. He said that he'll tell all potential b/f's of mine stuff that would make them leave me alone.
1. There IS such a thing as a restraining order. If and When you break up with him, if he doesn't leave you alone and scares you, I recommend you attempt to get one. 2. Don't believe the 'scaring off potential boyfriend' stuff that guys saying. If a guy really likes you, he won't listen to anyone else's opinions. All in all: You're in an unhealthy relationship. Get out as soon as possible. And if you're so convinced he's the guy for you, instate a trial seperation and tell him you'll consider going back out with him once he's successfully passed therapy.
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Registered: October 05, 2003
Posts: 607
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Girl, you need to go immediately and tell a counselor or an adult who can help you. This guys attitude can make him very dangerous so he shouldn't be around you. If you don't act quick, then something even worse might happen. Oh and well said Aguagon.
do what you want
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Registered: March 08, 2004
Posts: 1686
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Look, I know you probably think we're coming across as being unnecessarily harsh, but we're doing it in your best interest. In the vast majority of domestic abuse cases, picking up and leaving really is the best way to go, despite the fact that the majority of abused wives/girlfriends think picking up and leaving would be a disaster. I really don't know all the details of your situation, though, so I can't attempt to offer you any real advice aside from the conventional wisdom that is so often ignored yet so often correct. First of all, you're sixteen. You've said your "home life" is awful, which implies that you're still living with your parents. If you are, then you really wouldn't be "picking up and leaving", you'd just be breaking up with him. You're probably under your parent's or guardian's protection for at least half of every day, and you can think of those as hours when he can't get you. When you're outside of their protection, try to surround yourself with friends until the heat dies down. A simpler way of gaining personal protection: do you have a brother, cousin, friend, etc. that could scare this guy? If so (as awful as it sounds) it may be in your best interest to have him meet your (ex)-boyfriend in person and calmly explain to him that if he so much as calls you when you've asked him not to, it will be him experiencing the physical abuse. I'm not going to tell you that you're not in love with him. Maybe you really are, and maybe he even loves you back. But statistics show that one-time physical abuse is a very rare thing. He clearly has a temper he can't control, and even if he loves you, he will hit you again. He needs to be in therapy, and I don't just say that to make fun of him; it's the truth. He's almost certainly told you that he won't do it again, and he may have even gone through the whole "I've changed my ways" speech. He may even believe he's changed his ways, but when he's in these rages, he probably just can't control himself. If he doesn't get in rages, and hit you in a calmer and more subdued manner, then Kharybdis is probably right: he doesn't love you. I understand that you're engaged, but sadly, that doesn't mean much of anything. My best friend thought he'd found the love of his life at thirteen; he spent his life savings to buy her an engagement ring, and by the time he was fourteen they were broken up. Three years later, he can look back on the incident with bitter humor. My point is, don't assume that you're gonna be with this guy forever. If you distance yourself from him, which I sincerely recommend doing, your feelings for him will probably grow agonizingly large for a little while, and then began to fade until they're eventually gone. He may turn more violent after you break up with him, but if you hold your ground, he'll eventually realize he can't have you and his feelings of both love and anger will begin to fade as well. I am sorry that your home life is so poor, too. I'm not sure whether you meant to imply that your parents don't approve of your boyfriend or that they are bad parents in general, but either way, I'm sorry. If they're bad parents in general, I can understand where being with a guy who understands you could act as the perfect escape from an otherwise miserable life, but you need to know that you can find friendship and people who care about you in other places. Despite what he says, your boyfriend really can't turn the world against you. His sphere of influence is probably greatly exaggerated in both his mind and your mind. Again, feel free to disregard this post entirely, as I don't really know your situation. But I hope I've given you a couple things to think about.
And then, as the books were told, Fina replied: "A can of worms, my dear friend? What has this to do with reason?"
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Registered: December 15, 2003
Posts: 4
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ok, you all are forgetting something here. He threatened to hurt me really bad if I ever leave. I'M ENGAGED TO THE GUY, ALREADY. So what do I do about that. He told me that he would not leave me alone adn he would make life very hard. He said that he'll tell all potential b/f's of mine stuff that would make them leave me alone. I'm really scared. So, te option to just pack up and leave wont work!!!! 
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Registered: April 15, 2003
Posts: 1397
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quote: I'm totally in love with him ... He's slapped me across the face and I think he might have fractured a bone in my hand... This may sound stupid but I love him way to much
Does... not... ****ing... compute... What the hell is wrong with you? Are you such a needy little **** that you feel compelled to stick with an abusive cocksmack just because he gives you some sort of attention? For ****'s sake, if he hits you, he does not love you.
Those who profess to favor freedom and yet depreciate agitation are men who want crops without plowing up the ground, they want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the roar of its many waters. Frederick Douglass
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Registered: December 11, 2003
Posts: 9501
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You are being stupid. He's gonna hit you again. Leave him. There are men (hard to believe I know but its true) who WILL NOT hit you.
"Regardless, I have always, and will always, succeed."
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