I was listening to this episode of The Joan Kenley Show about “loving green” and “sustainable relationships” with Dr. Brenda Wade as the expert guest... I’m totally into “new think”. Physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental balance was the focus of the episode and I’m totally realizing that my current relationship is out of whack. My b/f doesn’t believe in spirituality at all and I’ve totally been ignoring this fact and trying to make it work anyway because spirituality isn’t a big priority of mine… but listening to the episode it was like a bolt of lightning went off in me as I realized that this corner of a sustainable relationship is why mine is not feeling whole. Any comments? Do you think these four corners/pillars are all important? What makes your relationships sustainable?

Well ampmaster, it is true that you can't put labels on things and expect them to end up with the same results every single time. I probably came off the wrong way with what I said. People really shouldn't base their relationships on rules because everyone is different and has different needs. I am happy for you and your fiance and if you feel like it works for you two, then it works. I think I was [accidentally] referring to my own personal preference when it comes to relationships. I know I could not last with someone who was completely different from me, nor could I last with someone who was too much like me. But like I said everyone is different which is not at all a bad thing.

quote:

Another thing I have noticed is that you don't necessarily have to have EVERYthing in common to be compatible with someone, but it is important that you share enough common interests so you can enjoy some things/activities together. Opposites don't necessarily attract. If you can't agree on anything at all, where's the enjoyment in that?

I don't know my fiancee and I went through and made a list of "things we have in common" it was maybe 5 items long and included gems like "we both like spicy food" we're polar opposites on everything else. I'm a Libertarian and a Marine, She's a hippy. I hunt and eat meat, she's a vegetarian the list of our differences goes on (and on and on ad nauseum) and yet not only do we have a healthy and successful relationship we're proving it and getting married. So in the end you tell me if it's sane or not or if by someone's rules it should work or not. All I know is that it works and if it ain't broke don't fix it.

Personally, I think those four concepts are very important in a relationship. But above anything else I have realized that values need to match up more than anything else. If your spiritual beliefs and/or values mean a lot to you and you're dating someone with different/neutral values, your relationship is sure to experience some damage. I know not everyone thinks about marriage when they're with someone, but if you think about it, could you really spend your life with someone who wants to do different things? Are you going to be making healthy sacrifices for this person down the road? Are they going to be making healthy sacrifices for you? How would you raise children together? You definitely can not change someone and if nobody is willing to change then your relationship will suffer.

Another thing I have noticed is that you don't necessarily have to have EVERYthing in common to be compatible with someone, but it is important that you share enough common interests so you can enjoy some things/activities together. Opposites don't necessarily attract. If you can't agree on anything at all, where's the enjoyment in that?

Moved here from Randomosity.