Ok ... lately i have been have very strong feelings for two girls ... im a girl too ... one is my current girl friend we have been together for about 4 months .. and the other is my ex that i broke up with .... i know what your thinking if your in love with her why did you break up with her ... well the situation was that she (my ex erica) is about a year younger was still in high school and i had graduated (yeah im old ... i havent been on here in like two years but i needed some advice) so she was very much a high school kid ya know still caught up in all the high school drama and all the excitement of all the small milestones of the senior year ... it was really cute at first i loved that about her i loved her liveliness and she kinda almost lived in her own little world her own , her own little bubble where things didnt get to her and nothing bad happened ... i loved her positive attitude ... but then it got to be like she didnt really live in reality .... like if some one was gay bashing she didnt really notice it .. i would rather have someone that stands to adversity then just not notice it .. and i dont really know if she didnt notice it or just didnt give it any mind .. i never talked to her about things i have a real problem with communication but i am working on it .. i think that why i really cant let go bc i dont really know what could have happened if i just communicated better... then again she had this thing like if we were in public she liked to give ppl a show she wanted to be sure ppl knew we were a lesbian couple .. im all for pda but when my girl kisses me in the middle of walmart infront of a group of passing teenage boys just to get a rise out of them ... its kinda annoying ... and i could have asked her to not do that any more but i never talked to her about stuff like that ... and she hadnt really been thru some of the things i have been thru i have been a cutter im in recovery of that now , i have been on an anti-depressant for 4 years, been in a long term abusive realtionship .. she wasnt "damaged" like i am so she didnt get alot of my perceptions of life... then i broke her heart... i had alot going on going to a community college, working at a mc donalds , living with my parents ... i didnt feel good enough and i had been thru a string of girls breaking my heart before that and i was scared of getting hurt again and i felt like i was going to end up bringing her down on her sr. year ... so i broke up with her telling her it wasnt her it was me i just needed time to think i wasnt sure if i would come back to her or not i was just confused ... and i needed time ... for like a week or two after that we were still talking ... ya know going back and forth of weather i would be back or not .. and she admits to me that like a week after we broke up she slept with a guy ... and that hurt me so bad ... my first gf a year long relationship the long term abusive one ended in her leaving me for a guy .. she wasnt bi at all when i met her now she is ... unless you have had that happen you have no idea how that feels ... i told erica that we couldnt ever be together again ... and we havent spoken much since mostly bc she thinks i left her for another girl which i didnt ... i just happen to meet the new lesbian friend while i was working at MC D's a few weeks before broke up ... thats my current gf (mary) ... mary wanted to sweep me off my feet and i just kinda let her after me and erica broke up ... erica has moved on as well but she dosent talk to me much so i dont know if shes really into this person or just killing lonliness ... i know she still reads my messages bc i send them on myspace and you can check if they have been read or not so she still have to care about what i have to say a lil bit ... i know i still have feelings for erica but im not sure if its just wanting what i cant have, just regret that i had to break her heart and guilt bc of it , or if i really do still love her .. i did love her .. know i know i still love her i always will .. i dont know that im still in love with her ... but i know theres something there ... i do love mary ... i love spending time with her .. shes been thru alot of the same things i have .. shes been a cutter, but shes stubborn .. just like me ... we fight alot .. way too much for such a new couple ... but i do care for her alot .. i miss her before i even have to leave her ... we talk all the time ... we dont communicate so well but were working on it .. kinda ...she picks on me alot even when i ask her not to ... but i do love her and i dont want to hurt her .i do love her but still not sure if im in love or if im just killing lonliness.... i never want to break anyones heart again ... so my questions lie in that should i even bother asking erica if shes even still has feelings for me ... or even try talking to her about it ... she generally doesnt resopnd to my messages im not sure that she would even care ... i would really just want to move on and continue with a new relationship and have fun and see where it goes and its longterm the it will be long term .. if its not meant to be then it wont be ... i wish i could just have that attitude why do emotions have to be so complex... why must i feel so much ... damn lesbians and their triangles ..... lol... had to throw the stereotype in there .. lol

why does the op's story sound vaguely like a shakesperean play or poorly written teen drama on ABC?

You need to knock off talking to your ex, it's over, she's moved on and now you need to. You have a current girlfriend who seems agressively in to you so roll with that instead of pining after an ex who has fully moved on.

Also I reccomend taking a course in High School level english. (though you say your in college so maybe you have the ability and just don't apply it?) It will make you far easier to understand and introduce you to my good friend the paragraph.

Hey, you're not alone, you know?

I've gone through a similar situation. Two boys were getting close to me at the same time earlier this year, and I knew I'd end up breaking one's heart. My boyfriend now I've been with for almost 4 months, and we're very happy, but I still have feelings for Ty. He's never denied that he still has feelings for me too, but there's really nothing I can do but get over it. Of course, throw in an ex-girlfriend you still worry about and care about constantly, and ugh, your life is BOOKED.

I can see where you're coming from definitely. It's really hard to overcome feelings, but it's just...time heals even the harshest wounds, I've learned, and people get over things. Ty has a girlfriend now, and it's pointless to do anything about it, and a large part of me wouldn't, because me and cody can communicate in every way- we're perfect together, but there's still one part that would want it to be otherwise. But things happen, dear. Erica may have already moved on. Asking may only make your pain worse and make moving on harder. Needless, you shouldn't keep things bottled up like that, but you know, it's just not always worth it.

If it would ease your heart and mind to ask her, then ask her, but don't expect anything out of it. What happens happens, and you have to be able to handle it calmly and decently. But as for Mary...if you really don't know if you're in love or killing loneliness, it's time for you to really look at that. because if you aren't IN love, you have no business being there, and the longer you wait, the harder it hits. Communication is a huge part of relationships. If you can really communicate, you can overcome so many obstacles. So it's important you learn that. You say she picks on you, and I assume that's playful. Take it and laugh it off, definitely, but let her know when you tell her to stop, you mean it. The last thing we need is more emotional damage, right?

Sounds to me like you have a lot to sort out and make sense of. Love, IN love...is it really love? who do you love? Man, is your plate full! If it's any consolation, I understand, and I'm here to help you and talk to you. :] So if you need me to help you sort through things or go more inn depth, please, tell me.

xoxox
Pixie Pandemic