Well this is how it is...
I've got my hopes high with the second start.
Years have passed since I wrote my last post to the diary board. I'm writing once again because I can't
keep it much longer in myself the pain that I live daily. Alright, so let's begin. This story started
about eight months ago, when I've started the 11th grade. So in the 9th grade were few girls, they have caught
my eye. I found them pretty attractive, but one of them was like an angel. Whenever we were out in the front
of our class she were in the front of her class too, and she was staring at me. Firstly i thought that
it's only some kind of misunderstanding from my side, that she's looking at someone else. So a day I
gathered all of my courage and added her to yahoo! messenger just to talk with her. A weekend have passed
and she have not accepted the request. I was a bit dissapointed. But then once she has appeared on my
messenger list, and I have started a conversation. Everything seemed perfect she was maybe a bit weird,
but that was not a problem for me. So I asked her phone number, and she gave it. After 9 days at 7th of
October I called her to a date, and after an hour of talking I've asked her if she wants to make up with
me. She said yes. I was really happy you know.
Then we met sometimes in school but at the beginning
everything was really awkward... But never mind. After some days we were a cool couple. But that didn't
last too much. Our last good moment was at a free day of school (?), we had no school that day, so I called
her over to watch a movie. We watched Hitch, with Will Smith. I still remember how she was
laughing at a moment, and I was totally happy. Then like a thunder from the blue sky, suddenly everything
got ruined. Two days after, our movie day she became weird, she was upset, or I don't know. And I saw
that whenever I called her somewhere she said that she can't come because of this, or that. I wanted to
talk with her about this, and she said that she wants to talk about something to. I was really curious
about her story. So we met at 9th of October, at the anniversary of my grandfathers death. That day was
one of my worst days in my life... I was verry nervous, I was learning some maths before our meeting, but
could not concentrate on it. Only she was in my mind. So I fell asleep, because I couldn't handle this
situation. I woke up, and I felt that she wants to break up with me. I don't know how, but I knew it.
So when we met I was wondering if should I kiss her or I shouldn't. But she kissed me. We started talking
untill we arrived to our bench in the park. Then she started that, she feels that this is not working,
she is not ready for this, and she wants this to be over... It was like a heart attack for me, even if
I expected it. She meant really much for me, and she still does, I don't know why. Then I went home, I was
so, got to say it Fucking upset, I wanted to hit something, or somebody, I was really nervous. Then she said
if she can kiss my chick when it was time to say goodbye. I said it's okay. But at that moment I felt a horrible
pain deep inside my heart... Then I walked home... Months have passed, I have tried everything just to forget her
I've talked with other girls,made up with them, played lots of games, but everything was useless. After 7
months I still want her so badly that I'm slowly going insane. Since that, I'm not myself anymore,
I'm always sad, so I just can't find happiness. Maybe that's my fate, maybe not. But I still
hope that things will be fixed between me and her. So what should I do? :|
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