The Dating Art of War

Introduction:
It's long been said that "All's fair in love and war" well here's a shake up for you. Love is war. It's a negotiation between two seperate, sovergein entities that to start have no particuler reason to like each other except faint intrest in "resources" (such as sense of humor or whatever the heck attracted you to the target of your campaign). This is advice on fighting a campaign of the heart written by a guy who's been pretty succesful out in the dating world. A word of warning, this is primarily written for guys. But war is a multi-gender concept and the ladies among us are more then welcome to use the tactics outlined here.

1: Selecting a Target
When starting a campaign knowing what your looking for is essential. Think through what you want in a partner both from a phyiscal and mental standpoint, list out what general things you want in the looks department (a more curvey figure, tall, nice eyes, whatever) then do the same for personality (Highly Intelligent, Sense of Humor, and so forth) Now if you don't have a specific someone picked out already, go to social events, concerts, parties, church picnics whatever and find someone. Or someones for that matter. Find a few girls your attracted to and get to know them better, scout out the terrain to see if they match up to that list you have. Then take a few out on "dates" and see if you really are attracted to them. This isn't engaging in conflict just yet, more light skirmishes to see if it's really worth hitting the trail for them. Remember to look twice before you leap, being to fast in making a decision can not only be disastorous for a campaign, it might mean you miss a better target. Furthermore of the two lists you write out (Looks and Personaility) the second one is far more important then the first, don't be afraid to make a few sacrifices on looks to get the total package when it comes to personaility. This choice will severly increase the chances of campaign success.

2. Scouting and the Use of Spies
Now that you've selected the target of your campaign it's time to get more information, go to group functions with her, see how she interacts within a social enviroment (and how she interacts with you in a social enviroment) Take an intrest in some of the things she's intrested in, for example if she has a political cause or charity she's highly involved in, learn more about it. If you can support it to, ask her about becoming involved, this is a great opportunity to get to know her better and spend some more time with her (even more excellent, because it's a cause you both support and not a "friends" activity, it allows you to gather intelligence with out becoming more prone to taking an "F-bomb*"
Now the other way to gather intell is through spies, get the mission impossible, james bond stuff out of your head, this doesn't mean go rappeling in to her room and snoop around for info. This is more like real life spy tactics which is gathering information through other sources in the least most obtrusive way possible. If she's part of your social circle and one of your close friends is dating one of her friends, you already have a small chunk of network built in. Have your buddy nose around a bit with his girl to get some info for you, or unobtrusively ask yourself if your friends with this girl too. If she's not a direct part of your social circle become friends with her some of her friends. Just remember never, ever try to get her best friends to get you info on her in a direct fashion, They're her friends first and if you win your campaign, they're your friends never. Use mutual friends between you and the best friends for that type of intel.

*also refered to as the "Let's just be friends" Bomb

3. Moving on the Target
Congrats, you've succesfully selected and scouted out a target, now comes the hard part. Asking her out. We all have methods and approaches we like for this and all of them work perfectly fine but the key to asking any girl out with any method is being confident, women can smell self-doubt a mile away and will be far more likely to turn you down. So no matter how scared/nervous/etc you are you must present a strong face to the enemy, no matter how much she has the upper hand (which in asking her out for the first time is completely) you must be confident in yourself and abilities and project that. Note: confidence is not cocky, for alot of women cocky is even worse then wishy-washy so you must fine the happy, confident medium between these two extremes.

4. Beginning your attack
First things first, in our modern culture a common date is "dinner and a movie", or more often just "a movie" these are the worst dates in known existance from a strategic stand point. They give you no room to manuver at all. In the movie you can't really converse and conversation is the key to over all victory. The other problem with this type of date is that it lets both sides entrench in their norms and wait the date out with out opening up or thinking. Trench warfare in any kind of battle, real or romantic doesn't work very well for the attacker's purposes. For a date in general and first date especially you want to have a date that provides not only plenty of opportunity to converse but something to talk about easily. This makes initiating conversation easier and allows for freer movement in to other subjects. An excellent idea that a friend of mine just provided was going to a lecture on an intresting subject (college campuses have plenty of these going on, as do some community centers, on a wide vareity of subjects) go with her to one of these then go to your favorite coffee house after. Get some nice warm drinks and settle in to a pair of comfy armchairs and discuss the lecture and eventually shift in to other subjects. Even if this doesn't end up counting as a real "first date" it will provide excellent ground work for future activities together.

5. Pressing the Campaign
So you made it through the first date, or at least put down infrastructure to make a first date easier. Now you need to continue on with that inertia you built off that first date/ground work. This of course means more dates. So you need to start finding things you'd like to do together. While looking at activities to do for dates you want things that will intrest her, but not things she's done before. If your in a more nature friendly state and find yourself campaigning on an animal lover, take her hiking on some of the local trails you know (if you do indeed know any, if not go hiking around alone or with some buddies and find some nice ones, and never be afraid to ask a local about the trails before hand, using their experience will make you look good) or take her whale watching if it's that season.
Other good ideas for dates include getting lessons on a sport you both want to try together (such as dancing, or rock climbing, or surfing). This takes you both out of your comfort zones and results in you being more real with each other (because outside of the norms there's less social pressure to be the person you project to the world). The final piece of advice on this subject is tailor the dates to her, then be your wonderful, charming self. The rest should take care of itself over the course of the campagin. Remember don't be afraid to go hiking or do an activity yourself before taking the her out to the activity. This type of scouting can make you look more competent (though you need to avoid looking like a "know-it-all") and capable. Having prior knowledge of terrain and previous experience in tactics is a severe tactical edge in any form of campaign, dating or otherwise.

6. WMDs
Sometimes as you progress further along in the campaign you need to bring in the heavy guns and air support. I'm talking of course about special evenings, roses, jewelry. The really romantic/fun stuff that is the meat of serious relationships. So when you see a critical juncture in the relationship, suprise her with flowers (you can never go wrong with roses, but her favorite type of flower is more intimate and shows how well you know her). Or if your far enough along in the relationship that your want to get her jewelry get her something like a teddy bear and give it to her in a fun manner (don't do this if there's been a build up towards jewelry, the fall out could be messy) but have the braclet on the bear's arm or necklace around it's neck then give the bear to her. She'll love the bear (unless she's not a stuffed animal person, in which case this whole plan is no good) and she'll be shocked and awed (in a good way) when she finds the jewelry. When it comes to special evenings there's only one rule to remember, splurge and treat her like the princess she is. Formal is never a bad idea but a late night picnic under the stars can be just as good.

7. Dealing with Allies and the UN
First rule of dealing with enemy allies, be pleasent, be friendly, and be ready for them to stab you in the back at any moment. Remember they are her friends first and your friends never (said it before and I'll say it again) and if they decided they don't like you... they will do everything in their power to fuck up your campaign, from telling stories about you doing stupid things, to threatening you, to having their boyfriends threaten you... Seriously the list just goes on and you can avoid it in the first place by getting in good with her friends.
On the UN, Her parents are the world watchdogs and will hammer you over the way you conduct your campaign. So follow their rules (the geneva conventions), have her home on time and don't get caught when your making out or other forms of studying anatomy. Nothing kills a campaign like a forced intervention by the UN.
Pro Tip: Don't call her house after 9pm, parents start to get massively pissy around that time (unless you and the girl have that set as a prearranged call time)
Now that whole set of information is invalidated if she's at college or out on her own. Then you usually won't have to deal with the parents for awhile so don't worry about them. Just treat her as best you can and look like James Bond with an extra coat of smooth applied when you actually do meet her folks. Even the worst dictators dress up in a highly presentable fashion when going before the UN and your a civilized nation on the attack so you have no excuse what so ever to look like a slob. (this doesn't mean a suit except when occasion requires, but just dig out some khakis and a golf shirt, or some nice jeans and a good undershirt/overshirt combination) When relating to the UN, be courteaus, polite and extremely respectful. Offer to help mom in the kitchen and don't be afraid to talk sports in the den with her dad. If these people come to like you it can only help your campaign, so get them to like you as best you can while still being you.

8. ICBMs
Long Distance Relationships. It's a hard form of campaign and you have to really, really put effort in to it to have a succesful outcome. The key is communicating constantly. Write each other letters, text message, email, have long phone conversations. Communication is a key in a normal relationship, in long distance it's everything.
When communicating your number one law has to be complete and total honesty with each other. This will foster trust and honestly if you can't trust the girl your in a long distance with, you need to bail out and try for something closer because it's just not going to work. So as long your honest with each other, and trust each other completely. Long distance relationships in my mind actually are more likely to become a very close, intimate relationship. Because of the lack of physical component long distance relationships are a meeting of minds and hearts. Neither of you have to worry about the masks we all normally present to the world and are more open to actually being open with each other. The honest you have to commit yourself to in a relationship like this rips the mask off even farther resulting in very close bonds. Now this does result in some pretty severe risk on both parts here. Opening up like this, while a first stage in an long distance relationship is usually a more intermediate phase in normal ones. So yes there's a chance that you'll get hurt and if you do it's going to be bad but in my mind if you find that right target for a long distance campaign the chance of fallout is well worth the rewards if handled properly.

9. Debriefing
Well that's the sum of my years of practical and theoretical experience in a nutshell, plus a bunch of experience (from both those catagories) of friends both male and female. You now have (hopefully) a better idea of how to prosecute a campaign of the heart towards a succesful outcome. You've got some neat tips and tricks which have worked for me on countless occasions (trust me, you can never go wrong with flowers). I've tried not to give you any stupid advice or any bullshit and this stuff actually works instead of things from the magazines (Men's and Women's alike) such as "80 rules of eye contact" really there's only one rule for that, meet her eyes with your eyes, not her breasts with your eyes. So gentlemen I wish you success in your campaign and good hunting out in the field

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Many of my friends lived life as you advocate. Their constant angst didn't seem very interesting to me. I honestly can't see what good any of that could have done me . Happiness is my main goal here, not experience.

I respect that. Ultimately everyone is entitled to live life however they choose.
If someone ask's for advice on this subject I'll give it from my point of view on the matter, and the usefullness of that advice will be determined not by the advice in itself, but by the recipients pre existing beleifs and his predisposition to certain postures.

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I know it's not common, but in our modern world there is a risk that most people aren't willing to take. A lifetime of painful and itchy genitals is not worth one night with a hot skank. If you honestly believe it is, you really need therapy.

Weigh your chances, use protection, and don't do anything with anyone that gives you a bad feling. Genital herpes is something you get fomr hookers, not from middle class high school buddies with good personal hygiene.

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What the hell is so wrong with abstinence? And what's so wrong with not wanting to get an STD? Normal people want to stay disease free. It's a natural human instinct called survival that overrides every other need.

I never said anything was, the way you frased your previous post suggests resentment derived from non voluntary abstinence.

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I only say that because it's sick and irresponsible to encourage kids to behave the way you do or the way you think they should. Most don't give a shit that they missed out on teenage years full of carnal pleasures. It's not important, nor is it all that great. Especially when you have dreams and goals in life that don't involve hooking.

No it's not. Behaving responsibly isn't incompatible with an active sexual life. You're falling into a stereotype.
And no, most people do give a shit when they miss out on carnal pleasures, you need therapy if you think you can supress your sexual urges as if nothing.
I'm not going to go into the dreams and goals part, it's a philosofical issue with no place here.

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Then why should anyone take your views seriously?

Because maybe life isn't worth being taken too seriously?

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I'm not going to fuck that up with a few minutes of pleasure.

I don't see how you could manage that as long as you behave responsibly but whatever.

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Suit yourself, when you're in your late 20's or 30's you're not going to have the same opportunity's as you do now and you'll have missed out on a very interesting aspect of life.
If a comitted relationship fills your cup and you're perfectly happy with it good for you, but I still believe in the long run it isn't profitable towards the general experience that is life.

Many of my friends lived life as you advocate. Their constant angst didn't seem very interesting to me. I honestly can't see what good any of that could have done me . Happiness is my main goal here, not experience.

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That suggest two things.
That you're one of the unlucky few that has suffered herpes(don't exagerate, it's not that common, and it's a risk worth taking in my opinion).

I know it's not common, but in our modern world there is a risk that most people aren't willing to take. A lifetime of painful and itchy genitals is not worth one night with a hot skank. If you honestly believe it is, you really need therapy.

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That you're one of the unlucky few that hasn't had the chance to contract herpes, thus you take out your resentment with stale cliche's usually used by those who promote abstinence.

What the hell is so wrong with abstinence? And what's so wrong with not wanting to get an STD? Normal people want to stay disease free. It's a natural human instinct called survival that overrides every other need.

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God, I hope anyone that anyone that displeases me doesn't ever have kids.

I only say that because it's sick and irresponsible to encourage kids to behave the way you do or the way you think they should. Most don't give a shit that they missed out on teenage years full of carnal pleasures. It's not important, nor is it all that great. Especially when you have dreams and goals in life that don't involve hooking.

Life should definitely be fun. But, believe it or not, it is possible to have a fun and fulfilling life without having sex or breaking the law.

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It's really a matter of interpretation, but yeah, I don't like to take life seriously if that's what you mean

Then why should anyone take your views seriously?

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Well you claim to be depressive so I don't see what's surprising about that.

That wasn't even necessary. I may be depressed but I still feel blessed to have my physical health and an above average intellect to go with it. I'm not going to fuck that up with a few minutes of pleasure.

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What if I don't want any of those experiences?

Suit yourself, when you're in your late 20's or 30's you're not going to have the same opportunity's as you do now and you'll have missed out on a very interesting aspect of life.
If a comitted relationship fills your cup and you're perfectly happy with it good for you, but I still believe in the long run it isn't profitable towards the general experience that is life.

quote:

I can understand your point about not forcing a serious relationship while you're young, but you seem to be discounting the relationships that happen without any forcing.

Then it's all good. My other comments where made based on the implications of amp's post. Going to extremes and really trying to get to know someone obviously points to a comitted relationsahip, and since I beleive flings are much more gratifying overall its not really worth the time and dedication.

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That sounds fun and all. But in REALITY, most people aren't interested in learning what a raging case of herpes feels like.

That suggest two things.
That you're one of the unlucky few that has suffered herpes(don't exagerate, it's not that common, and it's a risk worth taking in my opinion).
That you're one of the unlucky few that hasn't had the chance to contract herpes, thus you take out your resentment with stale cliche's usually used by those who promote abstinence.

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God, I hope you never have kids.

God, I hope anyone that anyone that displeases me doesn't ever have kids.

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Your view on life is very fictional.

It's really a matter of interpretation, but yeah, I don't like to take life seriously if that's what you mean

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It's depressing.

Well you claim to be depressive so I don't see what's surprising about that.

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Long relationships will allways leave good memories and moments worth remembering, but when you're older priorities change and you don't have the same opportunities as when you where young. Adolescence is a time to experiment and learn, and if you spend all of it going from one committed relationship to the next you miss out on a lot of experiences you won't be able to have in your later life.

Essentially just fuck around(literally)and if you happen to get involved seriously with someone while you're at it great, but I wouldn't encourage trying to force the situation.

That sounds fun and all. But in REALITY, most people aren't interested in learning what a raging case of herpes feels like.

God, I hope you never have kids. Your view on life is very fictional. It's depressing.

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if you spend all of it going from one committed relationship to the next you miss out on a lot of experiences you won't be able to have in your later life.

What if I don't want any of those experiences?

I can understand your point about not forcing a serious relationship while you're young, but you seem to be discounting the relationships that happen without any forcing. Granted, teens aren't exactly the most mature group of people, so such relationships are rare.

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What would you say are the right priorities?

Not getting involved in deep troublesome relationships while you're a teenager.

Long relationships will allways leave good memories and moments worth remembering, but when you're older priorities change and you don't have the same opportunities as when you where young. Adolescence is a time to experiment and learn, and if you spend all of it going from one committed relationship to the next you miss out on a lot of experiences you won't be able to have in your later life.

Essentially just fuck around(literally)and if you happen to get involved seriously with someone while you're at it great, but I wouldn't encourage trying to force the situation.

I won't lie: it starts with looks. But if they don't have a good personality, it ends there.

Eh, I'm not sure what else there is to say. It's obviously a lot more complicated than that, but it's hard to put into words. Personality is the main thing that attracts me, I suppose, as I'm not that picky about how people look. Well, that and my views on beauty aren't anything like the shallow Hollywood version of beauty.

What would you say are the right priorities? The right view of reality?

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Speak for yourself.

I do. I just think there are a lot of people with the wrong priorities and an idealized vision of reality.
And anyway, why do you feel attracted to someone? What defines and causes attraction?

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satisfy them and don't lie to yourself about your objectives.

well shit if that was true why would I waste my time dating? I can spend all that money at a brothel and get what I really want with out all the work.

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You're a teenager or a young adult, whatever attraction you can have for someone is based on hormones and your emerging bodily needs, satisfy them and don't lie to yourself about your objectives.

Speak for yourself.

Amp's view on dating is only idealized from the point of view of a cynic. No one's forcing you to be a romantic, but believe it or not, we do exist.

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Speed it's called reading comprehension, I know it's difficult for you but try it some time. I'm saying learn about things she's intrested in to learn more about her. The second half of my advice there is all about causes you both care about. So it's all about getting to know each other which is what dating is all about.

My reading comprehension is fine thank you. Your vision of dating is so idealized I found it hard not to respond like that.

The objective of dating someone is to become close to that someone and have sex. If you aknowledge this then you can just look for easy prey and forget about all the bother involved with something more elaborate. If you don't aknowledge this then your blind.
You're a teenager or a young adult, whatever attraction you can have for someone is based on hormones and your emerging bodily needs, satisfy them and don't lie to yourself about your objectives.

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Becoming involved in things she's interested in to interest her?

Speed it's called reading comprehension, I know it's difficult for you but try it some time. I'm saying learn about things she's intrested in to learn more about her. The second half of my advice there is all about causes you both care about. So it's all about getting to know each other which is what dating is all about.

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not because you're wearing the right color cammo gear for the particular mission she represents

Hmmm I recall half my advice being about getting out of both of your comfort zones and being as comfortable as you can no matter what comes at you so I'm not quite sure I understand you.

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And finally, this is probably the most important part of it all. If when talking to her you never know what to say and you spend more time thinking of ways to break the silence than actually maintaining conversation forget about it, know your strenght's and weaknesses and act accordingly. If you have so little in common with someone as to not be able to be with them for more than 30 minutes without feeling uncomfortable you're not interested int he right person.

Amen to that.

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and this includes adaptation to terrain and all of that.

adaptation to terrain is just being able to be natural in an enviroment that is not naturally yours.

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Now that you've selected the target of your campaign it's time to get more information, go to group functions with her, see how she interacts within a social enviroment (and how she interacts with you in a social enviroment) Take an intrest in some of the things she's intrested in, for example if she has a political cause or charity she's highly involved in, learn more about it. If you can support it to, ask her about becoming involved, this is a great opportunity to get to know her better and spend some more time with her (even more excellent, because it's a cause you both support and not a "friends" activity, it allows you to gather intelligence with out becoming more prone to taking an "F-bomb*"

Sorry but if you have to resort to that to get someone interested in you you're lacking A LOT of confidence and self esteem. Becoming involved in things she's interested in to interest her? wtf
If you manage to get someone to like you like that you're a fake, she should like you because of who you are, not because you're wearing the right color cammo gear for the particular mission she represents.

My personal advice is to just be natural, don't do anything to elaborate if you're not really close to her allready, and this includes adaptation to terrain and all of that.
If you're being unnatural while talking to her or doing things you wouldn't usually do it's probably not worth it.
And finally, this is probably the most important part of it all. If when talking to her you never know what to say and you spend more time thinking of ways to break the silence than actually maintaining conversation forget about it, know your strenght's and weaknesses and act accordingly. If you have so little in common with someone as to not be able to be with them for more than 30 minutes without feeling uncomfortable you're not interested int he right person.

this thread is too good to let die

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In other words, you want a World War 2 instead of an Iraq.

Ahaha. That brought a smile to my face. :P