My Girlfriend/ex's mom read her diary. In there was all the dirty/ stuff we have one. Should Parents read their childs personal stuff? Cause all this happened we were forced to brake up.

Somebody is bitter...

I can understand why a parent would want to read a diary especially if their scared about the way their child is behaving. It's ridiculous when people act like their parents do things just to hurt them or piss them off when in reality they do things because they are worried and don't know how to talk to their kids.

Generally both parties are to blame (kids and parents)

I just wanted to say that i'm revolted about parents invading privacy of their kids. I suffered a lot with that, and now that i'm a bit older i can finally see it in a another way...
We kinda live in pathriacal society - parents, whatever they do, its for our protection, they care about us and every act is jsutified for its major reason of protection or concern... -->WRONG!!

1. Healthy parents and mostly those who love and trust their kids, they DO show trust! As much as you don't tell about your life, they absolutely have NO right of spying, listening to your phonecalls, diaries and whatever.
And if you think better about it.. there's a reason why you don't tell your life to your parents. you just have the feeling they already know too much, in a way you can't protect yourself and this provoques high anxiety.
Parents use the excuse they are concerned to spy and invade your privacy, but those you keep doing it, could they ever think of the feeling they are provoquing? Parents are making their kids feeling like they don't deserve trust, as much as their intentions can be good...And the most sad is that they think this is normal.
So this becomes a cycle. Parents don't trust their kids, they invade privacy and naturally, kids will try to protect themselves by hidding it- i don't blame kids, its a more than a natural and automatic instinct.
Everyone has its right to have its secrets, and the fact you "due your birth and your life to your parents" that doesn't steal your dignity.

2. Parents can be really good, but they can be really bad. When i had 13 years old, my mom tryed to spy myself naked over and over, even knowing i was feeling completely crap with that. She sayd "i'm only worried about you and how you're growing". She is so worried, that she has to notice and refers every thing that she doesn't like in my body or she thinks it ugly. She even has the ability of noticing those bad things in my body that i never seen them as bad (like a scar), but as a natural thing. funny thing, i allways had a lot of guys hitting on me and saying i was so beautifull - my mom seem to be the only person to directly never agreed much with that.
At my 18 years old is was bulimic. Got cured when i left my mom's house. Funny coincidence.

3. Having a good and calm conversation with your parents about this, can be the wisest thing you can do to solve this problem - as long you don't judge them. I can say i tryed this over and over, and never got results. My conclusion is, if your parents don't respect your privacy, hardly they will respect your claims and opinion about whatever. Unless you take the conversation in a pretty much wise way and make them feel like you feel.
Just think... they do this to you, because their parents did the same... so they think this is the most natural thing to do with theyr kids. Its a huge work to change what their minds had absorved for more than 40 years.

that blows. some things are best left unwritten...

quote:

Originally posted by angeliquieee:
Okay so I personally think that that was wrong to do, but honestly a diary IS a diary. I mean, writing too much information in a diary can be a bad thing sometimes .. you never know who's hands it's going to land in. Yes, diaries should be personal, but that's not always the case.
Put yourself in the mother's shoes. If your child wasn't telling you everything (and she PROBABLY was not communicating with her child) you're PROBABLY going to read it.
I dunno, things that are too personal sometimes shouldn't be written down because you never really know who's reading it besides yourself.

i don't i put loads of stuff in my dairy everything every drity littel thought every emotion every litel pang of gliut every thing even boring stuff just to get it out of my sytem i trust my rents never To read it and they haven't as far as i no wel if they had would be in tourbel and sometimes i don't comcate wll with my perents but children do stupid thnigs perrents proply did the same when they were younger
everytime i got in torbel in primary school my da would tell me about something he did wen he was my age it's kinda stoped now
anyway point is prents souldn't read diries
sorry i kinda wen off path then

damn..I hate that.
I had one but my little brother always opened it and read out loud to everyone!!
its a violation of one's privacy and they should respect your stuff..especially stuff like that.

but really?..if it was sex i hope she didn't put in detail by detail.

quote:

Originally posted by listenup:
My Girlfriend/ex's mom read her diary. In there was all the dirty/ stuff we have one. Should Parents read their childs personal stuff? Cause all this happened we were forced to brake up.

just put a pad lock on the diary and wear the key around your neck then no one can get on

Okay so I personally think that that was wrong to do, but honestly a diary IS a diary. I mean, writing too much information in a diary can be a bad thing sometimes .. you never know who's hands it's going to land in. Yes, diaries should be personal, but that's not always the case.
Put yourself in the mother's shoes. If your child wasn't telling you everything (and she PROBABLY was not communicating with her child) you're PROBABLY going to read it.
I dunno, things that are too personal sometimes shouldn't be written down because you never really know who's reading it besides yourself.

No they shouldn't,you wouldn't read their diary if they had one, so they shouldn't read yours or anyone elses.

Nah, I think kids deserve some privacy. A diary is meant to be private, a personal book that discusses the emotional things in life. Who but the person who wrote it deserves to look at something like that? I know some parents may intend to read it becuase they have "good" intentions, but if they sense their kid is having problems, I think it's best they discuss the situation with the kid rather than go sneaking around in their child's room. Talk about some serious distrust.....

I get the whole thing about privacy because I was there. But as I've gotten older, I realize now why my mom did it. You have to think about it this way, would you tell your parents; if they had asked; the things you put into your diary? The answer is probably not. They are truly and honestly worried about you and if you don't open up with them with this kind of information, you're gonna get snooped on.

I always get paranoid about my parents reading my diary. Personally, I think it's an awful thing to do. Sure, it's their house, but ya know what? If it's THEIR house that means that we mow THEIR lawn, walk THEIR dogs, wash THEIR cars, do THEIR dishes and laundry and so I think we've earned the right to a little privacy, don't you? Parents should care about, you, and know what's going on in your life, but not by invading your privacy and going behind your back.

quote:

Originally posted by jayjayjay:
no its not right my mum says that she would neer do that its an invation of privacy just because were younger than them dosent mean we deserve less respect we dont go round snooping through there stuff so wot gives them the right to do it to us!!!

A parent who recognizes that there is something wrong with their kid, who assumes it may be drugs, and who will not look through the kids room to check is a very very bad parent.

Kids have no rights to privacy. You live in your parents house without a lease or any claim to anything. It is their house and they can do anything they want in it. Parents have a responsibility to look out for thier kids in EVERY way possible.

I bet if your mom says you have privacy, she probably doesn't keep that close track of you. She doesn't know many of your friends or their parents, she doesn't know what you do with them, and if you were doing drugs she wouldn't know that either. These days parents have to be constantly involved in the lives of their kids or risk losing them.

no its not right my mum says that she would neer do that its an invation of privacy just because were younger than them dosent mean we deserve less respect we dont go round snooping through there stuff so wot gives them the right to do it to us!!!

Hi

I am rays mom and i can tell you that most parents read diaries when they feel something is going on.i have 5 kids 2 girls 3boys believe it or not when you get older you'll be asking mom to read it,i only snooped when i felt i had to for instance if one of my girls stayed out late repeatedly ,but i never let them know i bit my tounge alot.

just trying to shed a little light.

I think that the little privacy that kids do have should be kept. I'm glad that my parents don't often go poking around my stuff because if they did they would find notes and ect. that i don't want them to read. and if they did read those i would probably get in a lot of trouble... Anyway. that's my opinion.

I think thats not fair, I write in diary's all the time, and I remember my mom used to read my old ones, with poetry and shizz, I hated how she felt she was proud of her daughter for writing such 'deep' prose when I didnt want anyone to see it because it was mine. i dont know, i just dont think its right in genearl, if they can read our diarys, emails, myspace ect with out our persmission i feel we should be able to do the same

i totally think that parents shouldn't read their kid's diaries. if they have concernes they should go and talk to their kids. going behind their back is just wrong.

1. i keep a doary and i write personal stuff in it, but not my sex life! (anymore) i used to until my dad found it. It wasnt in any detail but it mentioned tht me and my boyfriend had had sex. my dad got REALLY mad and (let me tell u, my dad hadn't known i'd even had my first kiss yet and i was 14!) and he went to my boyfriends house and got in a VERY loud argument with him and his parents. so i do not think its good to write sex stories in ur diary.
2. i do not think its right for a parent to read their kids diary! Maybe the kid (this is why i keep a diary) has no one to talk to and keeping a diary soothes them.
3. yes it's the parents things and the parents house but kids do need privacy! thats why kids have their own rooms and stuff like tht. if kids cant keep diarys without their parents loking where will it end? will kids need to start sleeping in the same room as their parents so tht they have 'no privacy'? will they need to change their clothes in front of their parents so tht they have 'no privacy'? will kids need to start putting all of their stuff thro an X-ray scanner before putting it in their rooms so tht they have 'no privacy'? i mean seriously, kids NEED privacy in their lives or else things get really REALLY f-ed up!

my girlfriends parents suspect me and my girlfriend of copulating at work. they figure that this justifies stealing her phone, going through her school diary and having ppl spy on us weneva we go 2 the movies or wen i take her out to tea. u tell me if it is justified that on this hunch they called the police and i was questioned for 2 hours about an event that never happened. the fact that they invaded her personal belongings and didn't find anything and continued to invade our privacy just goes to show that todays parents are taking things a bit far in the way of invading their childrens privacy