I understand why you don't like guys looking at you, but I look girls right in the eye. I do this one, so they see I am not looking **ahem** lower then I should and two, I do it out of respect for anyone I have any value for. So...though I know how you feel...try to look at it like that.

Also my girlfriend thought I wanted to kill her, she said I used to just stare at her and it made her uncomfortable. For me...I was day dreaming about our wedding(ok maybe more the wedding night).

so...a guy just staring at you...may not be bad...unless he starts getting freaky and stalking you.

I think you definetly need to tell somebody and There are some dif. ways you get it out..there are probably hot lines in your area that you can call and they would listen and talk to you..or at school like at teacher or a counselor...writing it down is good..but it doesn't get away from you. There are many people you can..but try ppl you trust first..but if they won't you need to tell somebody. Well... take care and I hope all turns out well.

-Bagerra

hey, lol, I have so many things to say...but I doubt I'll be able to remember them all! Okay, first of all, the fact that you were sexually assaulted (and appears that you still are) could be why you feel that all these guys are looking at you in that way. See, because this guy (whoever he was) assaulted you at such a young age, it's messed up your perceptions of guys for who they really are. It probably seems that all guys are horndogs bent on groping you or making you uncomfortable. That's just not true...though it probably feels that way.
You have to start dealing with the assault. You need to realize that the guy who did this to you was a sick pervert and that not all guys are like that. You need to get it OUT...I don't care how...write it in your journal, tell it to your friend, your dog, your pet...anyone/anything. You just need to get it OUT because bottling everything up inside is actually harmful to your health...did you know that?! I think that's interesting...
You also need to think about telling someone. I know that that's what this whole thing was about...but you need to find someone whom you trust deeply and who will listen and help you. You have to realize, though, that helping you means that they'll have to tell your parents. Most often they're the ones who won't believe you...
And I know your sister is mean to you, but you and she could become really close over this. Tell HER! I mean, I understand that things probably aren't exactly like this in your family, but you should just say, "Sis, I need to tell you something..." and then just tell her, and I'm pretty sure she'll sympathize. I mean, even if she is a b!tch and she hasn't been assaulted...most girls would at least listen and try to help.
So anyway, I hope I've helped...and if I haven't...sorry!

I know... I know. I have to tell somebody but who? My supposivly "best-friend" ditched me because to girls she knows don't like me... And they just laughed at me.. nice. Hey! Wait a darn minute... I know somebody... no two people... Wait 3 people! No... only 2... Anyway, I'll try. But mostly I'm worried about school... and the big old freakin pile of homework I have on the first day... At school last 2 periods (thank God!) And this dude just stared at me... it was weird. I know him and all but I felt really uncomforable. And my guy teacher... he just keeped looking me in the eye & smiling... Scary. I don't like guys looking me in the eye. Then these 3 other dudes... just looking at me up & down... Well, now I have to be careful.
This is sad I know & I'm getting off topic, but I'm ticked off that my "almost-perfect-fun-tiring & scary" day was ruined by a big pile of homework & a old fart... (guys) My lil' word, sorry I don't mean to be a b!tch.
-JM

Well, what can I say, tell someone that you trust, maybe your spiritual leader or something like that. Do you have a friend you trust, maybe a teacher? You know talking about it actually does help, I know that because I was too sexually harrased when I was a child, but I was able to leave that behind.
If that is what you said you wanted to tell me then I do believe you cuz it happend to me too. Look, you can get passed that. If you wanna talk about it some more, give me a shout. Take care.

JustMyself, all I can tell you is not to keep this bottled up inside. It's not good. I tired that and things just got too hard to handle. The people I picked to talk to were the wrong ones but if you really think wisely about this, I think you could figure out who is the right person who you can talk to and they can help. All I want right now is to tell someone what I bottled up but I can't. I bottled it up for so long that now it feel so impossible to open up again. I don't know who I can trust to tell this stuff to. I'm so scared because before when I tried opening up, it just got blew in my face. I just want one person, one person who would listen to me and stop saying how nice and sweet and everything that I am. Doesn't anyone understand? I don't see that. I see this evil, dirty, stupid, ugly, used up, terrible person and I don't see what others see. Just try to talk to someone, please. I don't want you to end up like me. I seriously don't want you to be like me. Please!!!

Bye n Have a nice day

Billy- Thanks! Yes, I know. I have to be nicer to my sister... I'm trying, were getting along for right now. But by htis afternoon after going to a new school, & me going to my old one. Were going to want to rip each others heads off...

Ok, I will try to tell my friends at school, and my guy cousin. But, I'm so nervous... I don't want them to tell anyone. I have to do something, I'm going to blow if I don't. Well, thanks a lot Billy! It's helped a lot! I got to go to school now... The first day always suck...
Thanks Again,
-JM

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Billy- I see your point... I'm mean. I'm hateful person sometimes. And I've hurt a lot of people. And it's just hard to undersatnd her when she's treating melike trash... I ... just can't handle it. I just don't like it. It's hard to explain. Why do I hate people so much?

But, I do have a question. Should you tell someone about the little stuff? Like when people grap you & stuff? Last night I was walking to the bathroom & this dude graped me & I don't know if I should even tell anyone. It's no big deal, I'm used to it.
And should I tell people I've been thinking about suicide? Yes, I should... but how? Man... I ask for help to much. I'm to dumb to figure out my own problems.

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Listen even to this date, one of my favorite songs because it reminds me of the low point of my life had these lyrics: "I can't stand living, I can't Stand you and I just can't hate enough". And it was all true...so no it isn't hard to explain...I know where you are coming from. It is something that taks time. I had an Aunt I was at odds with...ok we wanted to kill eachother. I had my problems and she had problems at home I was very unaware of. I just thought she hated me and I was glad to hate her right back. Even now she is divorced and I was at her recent wedding...I could hardly look her in the eye...I feel bad...and by her silence...I know she does too. Honestly understanding is something you have to mature into, I was to hot headed years ago to understand what price I would pay later. I'm not saying make a 360 degree turn with your Sis...but you both should be supporting eachother...your family.

Guys grabbing you is wrong, no one has a right to be putting their hands on you unless you want them to. It is animals like that who make stereotypes about males so easy. I can only say from male perspective...I would not think twice about punching a guy in the face for touching my girlfriend. Yeah you should tell someone...I don't know where you were...but at school will get them in trouble...and if it's at a bar or something...keep in mind...the bouncers I know love to toss those types of guys.

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Guys will always grab at you, it's how you react to it that determines if they'll do it again or not.

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More male stereotype! I have never ever ever in my entire life just grabbed some girl who I didn't know or wasn't amazing friends with. I have in fact had more girls grab at me and then I become confused...does it mean they like me...no it couldn't be cause girls are always talking about how they hate it. So I save the BS...if you like me...just say it so we can skip the song and go to the dance.

No, I don't put my head down, well I do. But I say "excuse you a$$hole." I don't want to be in the ground... but I'm getting to the emotional breakdown, I've done it before. I'm writing all of it in my journal. But I don't want to read it. That's why I'm going ot burn it when I'm done. It's hard. My Dad's being an a$$hole. And it doesn't help. He's yelled at me a lot today over stupid reasons. I think tomorrow will be the breakdown. I have to face those a$$holes & I'm not happy. I'm crying right now, so if this doesn't make sense I'm sorry. I don't know how to tell someone. I'm to shy. I don't want anyone to know my deepest secrets.
-JM

Wow, I'm sorry. I didn't realize a$$ was such a bad word. Please insert butt, behind, fanny, or whatever term you feel is more appropriate in my post below!!

Okay maybe I can help here. I've had a lot of experience in the area. Who you want to report it to can depend on what kind of sexual assault you dealt with. Sexual assault is a very broad term. It can be something like someone snapping your bra strap or grabbing your *** or even rape. I don't know what your situation was so its hard to give you specific advice.

You can go to the police with sexual assault. Even if it was in the past you can at least have it reported. This could help in making sure the people who have assaulted you don't ever assault anyone else. Find a Sexual Assault Crisis Center in your area. You can also talk to anyone at your school, maybe even a teacher, but understand they are mandated reporters. Obviously they have to use their judgement depending on the situation.

You can also call the National Sexual Assault Hotline is 1-800-656-HOPE. It's free, confidential, and 24/7. The hotline is operated by RAINN (Rape, Assault, & Incest National Network) and is in partnership with over 1,000 rape crisis centers nationwide.

I definetly recommend reporting your experiences for 3 main reasons. #1) Make sure this never again happens to you. #2) Make sure this never happens to anyone else by the same people. #3) Emotionally deal with whatever happened and move on. Depending on what happened, being assaulted can be very emotional, especially for young kids. I know that in CA, depending on the situation, there may be free counseling and therapy available if you need it.

Let me know if you need more advice/help.

dessert i hope ur not serious . Guns isnt the answer. I have a gun and my dad has a machine gun but dont hurt some one because ur insecurity, ur suppost to be a christian yet u r willing to kill someone that isnt right. Leave them alone. love ur enemies as urself. member they feed of hate. Dont hurt someone and dont scare ppl. we all r scared enough there is terriorist there is enough bad things in the world we dont need another columbine. Guns dont solve anything all they do is create more problems.

i understand y alot of ppl dont talk to the shrink at skewl cuz other ppl r there n u cant tell ur parents and ur affraid of wut ur friends think n u keep it all inside . And one day a break down is goiing to happen and its going to be bad so wtie a journal and express the built up emotions so u dont have emotional break down

JustMyself-Guys will always grab at you, it's how you react to it that determines if they'll do it again or not. I'm not saying get in their face and tell them to F-off. Do you ignore guys after they do that, like putting your head down or something? I dunno, my diognonsense: guys are pervs. Always have been, always will be. Certain guys are just nicer and *tamer* than others, and that's what makes them great.

I had a friend that was sexually molested while she was *hammered DRU*K*. Since then she's turned into a very...*open* person. And the same with another close friend of mine. It seems there is a pattern, let me know how you guys feel about that....

Thoughts on suicide:
Suicide might end your life, but it doesn't end the problems you create after. People love you, care for you, and want to be with you. Some are constantly thinking about you and you don't even know it. Manic Depression is a problem that lots of teens need help with. <I would know, three out of my ten best friends are deeply depressed and in HORRIBLE situations.> Suicide creates awareness, yes, but is that what you want? Do you really want your life wasted so young? 75 years (approx.) isn't that much. that's 75 winters, springs, summers, and falls. What you do with those is completely up to you and only you. And I ask you: is it worth to waste your next 60 lying dead in the ground or your scattered ashes flowing with the wind?

Billy- I see your point... I'm mean. I'm hateful person sometimes. And I've hurt a lot of people. And it's just hard to undersatnd her when she's treating melike trash... I ... just can't handle it. I just don't like it. It's hard to explain. Why do I hate people so much? I just can't stand some people. So I just don't understand other people. Well, I lost my train of thought... I've been thinking a lot.

But, I do have a question. Should you tell someone about the little stuff? Like when people grap you & stuff? Last night I was walking to the bathroom & this dude graped me & I don't know if I should even tell anyone. It's no big deal, I'm used to it.
And should I tell people I've been thinking about suicide? Yes, I should... but how? Man... I ask for help to much. I'm to dumb to figure out my own problems.
-JM

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but most of my freinds will tell you when they first met me, they were affraid. As one friend put it, "I thought you wanted to kill me, you looked like pure evil". And I did

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haha..i am like that sometimes...i have two attitudes..somedays i look like im on drugs and im all perky and i will tell everyone hi..even if i dont know them..and then the next day i will be depressed and look all down...ill push someone off the steps if they are in my way...people just **** me off! lol

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Billy- Yeah. I know. But she doesn't need to get all p!ssed off & take it out on other people. It's not the way to go. I'll try to understand her. And I'll ask her sometime, she kinda brought it up about this dude, but I didn't say anything. So I'll try to tell her if she feels like listening.

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People deal with trauma in their lives in different ways. I didn't grow up in the best enviroment and now when I am older...I see how it reflected in my actions when I was younger. I have been a bully, in gangs, straight out mean and hateful to people. Of course I always had a good side, but most of my freinds will tell you when they first met me, they were affraid. As one friend put it, "I thought you wanted to kill me, you looked like pure evil". And I did, because I was raised wrong and to me it was a trauma I didn't know how to deal with. Sometimes when people are in pain, they hurt everyone around them, I know I did.

Billy- Yeah. I know. But she doesn't need to get all p!ssed off & take it out on other people. It's not the way to go. I'll try to understand her. And I'll ask her sometime, she kinda brought it up about this dude, but I didn't say anything. So I'll try to tell her if she feels like listening. Thanks.

GodsPrincess- Good idea, I never thought of that. heh. Hopfully she doesn't remember who told her. She has a really good memory. And is really smart & has a way of figuring out these things... Thanks.

Teddy- I know. I just need to find the right perosn.

Everybody- Thanks for all the help. I apprecaite it.
-JM
*If I made any mistakes I'm sorry, I'm not perfect.*

while she's asleep..talk to her....she will hear you even if she doesnt respond...my friend did that to me and in the morning u remember it but dont remember who told you...lol

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My sister hates me... She even told me in my face. I'm not sure if she's been assaulted, she doesn't talk to me.

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To me this sounds like she has, she maybe angry at herself and even at you because she may believe it didn't happen to you. I can't say I am right, but maybe you should really try to understand your sister more, her behaviour maybe key.

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