Um........I really do love my brother but at times he hurts my feelings so badly that I get so mad and upset that I just want to kill myself.

He criticizes everything I do. And he bosses me around all the time. He calls me names, like Ugly Thing, Retarded, B****H, I think there's more but I can't remember. I don't think he has any respect for me.

He makes me cry when I run to my room or the bathroom, I have no self confidence so I believe whatever he says. And he could take out the worse in me. Like I don't feel like I'm a terrible, evil person already, alone but my brother needs to take that part of me that I try to control.

I try to act like I don't care, I call him an idiot and Jerk, that's all, I don't swear, well, I'm trying not to. I scream at him and sometimes I'm calm and say, "I don't care" Sometimes, I just pretend I'm not listening to him. Sometimes, I hit him. See how terrible I am, I'm never the bigger person, it hurts so much but I pretend like I don't care, he makes me feel so bad. God, I HATE myself.

I just want to be good and I'm not, I'm not going to Heaven even, God even HATES me. I don't blame him, I'm dumb, ugly, mean, nuts, eveything that my brother say I am is who I really am. I can't NEVER change that.

I try to be good and my firends think I'm so so nice, never get upset even when my friends think people are really being mean to me. My sister sees nothing wrong with me, she say that her and my brother fought too, just like I am doing now, he is just annoying and you have to deal with it. But i don't believe any of that, I'm terrble and I'm going to HELL.

I should just end my life now, there's no point for me, I shouldn't be living because I'm evil. I won't solove every bad problem on Earth like I want to. That's too much of a big dream and I would only cause problems instead of solve them.

I should End my life, should I? If Not please tell me what to do to gain some confidence and for my brother to reallt love and care for me.

Sorry for the long post........I'm not sure if I did this right, hopefully, I did. Please help and if you have problems too, I would try to help back. Thanks!!!!!!! I'm not trying to act like I have a hard life, I'm just trying to look for help.

Bye N Have a nice day
NoOne Important So Don't Mind Me Just Take Care N Be The Very Best You Can Be

PS. My mom is worse, I don't remember the last time, she said, "I love you" to me and incouraged
me in something. She just criticizes me and is always mad with me sometimes she scares me because she could get the belt on me and I don't want her to die from getting so mad.

when i first joined YOUTHNOISE i suppose i expected someone like you who is so kind and caring and is actually posting hundreds of posts so that they can actually make a difference. Basically i just wanted to say:keep up the good work, i'll be like you someday!!

my parents are great, its just my sister and i are constantly fighting over m little brother whos 5, we both want to win his affection-stupid? its been going on as long as i can remember. my little sister-not so little has no respect for me what so eva. she makes fun of me, spreads my secrets like butter over bread, steals stuff from me, acts like she doesn't give a **** about anthing, she is always arguing with my parents ad me, and -[phew this is getting a lot off my chest]uses my clothes and pencils without asking and then doesn't bother to return them, she gets awa with practically anthing, bludges off doing all her jobs, makes me clean up after her, has a room the state of a bomb and never does anything about it.

Sorry, i just had to say all that, i love her, kinda its just sometimes she makes me so angry i want to wring her thin neck.

thanx all

I'm sorry, it's just I know already and my hopes are already down so that's all.

I'm so done with this thread even if this thread is my thread, I am done.

Bye N Have a nice day

quote:

---

So you don't have to say that stuff to make me worry

---

quote:

---

I don't know but it's something about that phase "Don't do drugs" and that it was directly towards me that kind of bugs me

---

Whatever it is I think I say turns out to be negative to you. I'm not trying to make you worry, I am giving it to you the way it is. There are alot of demands, I have only given you just a few. The don't do drugs part is NOT directed at you, one day you will understand. There is a list of things that will keep you from getting in, you will see, and you will also see the top 3 things to prevent you from joining. I gave you the benefit of the doubt you haven't commit any felonies.

I'm not trying to get your hopes down or anything, simply I know a little about this. It is better you hear my low keyed version before the real thing. It is a little scary and it is meant to be, not everyone has what it takes. You wanted me to tell the truth...I am. And I am also offering the little insight that I can. If I was going to take a test or something, I would much rather know a head of time if it was going to be easy or hard...that's all I can say.

sorry

quote:

---

I would like to tell you no, so that you like myself could prove the world wrong. However I can't do that, I can only offer you what I know. From the other thread it is obvious from my comment I believe you have a pretty decent grasp of psychology. It appears to me you are able to work by yourself and manage a number of tasks at the same time. I don't think you are stupid, and you can communicate, though sometimes not very well. I have to admit you confuse me sometimes, you tend to ramble on about things. And of course I feel you hold back on key details. The fact you mentioned observing people is a good thing. I used to amaze friends by telling them exactly what random people on the street would do next. They always ask, how I do it, I had time to just watch people and most of what we all do is pretty predictable, especially if you have an eye for it.

---

Um I shouldn't have asked you that question. Again, I don't know what came over me, I should pay a closer watch on the things I say and do, really close watch now. I bet you want to know why I think that I shouldn't have asked you. Well, it's nothing about you, is just I can't handle people judging me, you know criticizing me in a good or bad way. I don't know why I ask you if mainly what was going to happen was that you would have said something bad (trying to help me) which wouldn't have been good for me or say something good which really wouldn't have been good for me.

I know from what I just wrote: You probably don't understand. But, it doesn't matter. Just Know: That I'm sorry for asking that question, it was a mistake.

quote:

---

Of course not knowing you in real life it is hard to judge wether you meet certain standards required by the DOD. First and formost, DO NOT DO DRUGS, you will not get in. DO NOT TRY TO LIE if you have done drugs or anything else you might be asked....you will not get in if you lie. Be willing to travel at first with not that much pay, everyone has to start at entry level positions. And be willing to dedicate a good portion of your life to this job. Someday your goals may be a reality, but as I said....there are only 8 of them.

---

Still want to be a Profiler and don't worry Billy my hopes and dreams are already down. I don't believe I will get there or do what I always wanted to do. So you don't have to say that stuff to make me worry. I already am worried and I surely already know I would get in or do what I want to do. I know all this already, you don't need to break it to me. Remember: I said I wanted to be a Profiler, Never said: I know I will be one.

"Don't do Drugs" But for many people it's "Easier said than done"

I myself have never done drugs and I myself don't want to do drugs, I don't even take my medication, why would I take drugs. No, I'm not taking medication because I'm insane.

I don't know but it's something about that phase "Don't do drugs" and that it was directly towards me that kind of bugs me, don't know what it is though. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you or anything like that still "luv ya" but there's something from that that bugs me a bit.



I'm not good at lying, anyone knows when I'm trying hard to lie. Not that I lie like some maniac.

quote:

---

I don't know if this is helping, let me know, but one way or another I think you would be pretty decent in some sort of Forensic / Psychology field. If you do the work, put your time in and really want to persue this, then no one can tell you that you can't.

---

Did I mention how glad I am for you to write me even if you are really tired and seem in a crabby mood (not saying that you are so don't look at the screen like that, ready to attack me on how you are so not crabby). Did I say, "Thank you?

Well Thank you.

Bye N have a nice day

quote:

---

Do you think from what you have been reading from me that I could be a good meaning skillful Profiler some day?

---

I would like to tell you no, so that you like myself could prove the world wrong. However I can't do that, I can only offer you what I know. From the other thread it is obvious from my comment I believe you have a pretty decent grasp of psychology. It appears to me you are able to work by yourself and manage a number of tasks at the same time. I don't think you are stupid, and you can communicate, though sometimes not very well. I have to admit you confuse me sometimes, you tend to ramble on about things. And of course I feel you hold back on key details. The fact you mentioned observing people is a good thing. I used to amaze friends by telling them exactly what random people on the street would do next. They always ask, how I do it, I had time to just watch people and most of what we all do is pretty predictable, especially if you have an eye for it.

Of course not knowing you in real life it is hard to judge wether you meet certain standards required by the DOD. First and formost, DO NOT DO DRUGS, you will not get in. DO NOT TRY TO LIE if you have done drugs or anything else you might be asked....you will not get in if you lie. Be willing to travel at first with not that much pay, everyone has to start at entry level positions. And be willing to dedicate a good portion of your life to this job. Someday your goals may be a reality, but as I said....there are only 8 of them.

I don't know if this is helping, let me know, but one way or another I think you would be pretty decent in some sort of Forensic / Psychology field. If you do the work, put your time in and really want to persue this, then no one can tell you that you can't.

errr.....I need to sleep.....

I'm quoting myself here:

quote:

---

Let them think that I'm just the little shy nice girl.

---

Jues wanted to say that I am shy, nut I'm not little nor am I nice.

Made a mistake here:

quote:

---

and soon everyone including him and you would forget about what I have told them and lie you life as normal as possible and I will be a forgotten mystery in everyone's mind.

---

lie your life as normal as possible.......No

and live your life as normal as possible, that's what I was trying to say.

Just wanted to tell you this:

quote:

---

They had hurt me too many times so that's why now I'm just scared of people.

---

But I do deserve what pain people have cause me. But, yea I'm a coward and I can't face pain again so that's why I don't trust people or believe them so I would get hurt. See, I'm a coward so that makes me even a worse of a person. Terrible just terrible!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for trying to help me. Sorry that it was a failure though.

Bye N have a nice day

quote:

---

Ok Teddy, you could be right, everything about my persona is not caring about anyone else. I've laughed at people who wanted to kill themselves, I've punched people for looking at me the wrong way. I've done alot and I honestly believed I was evil as well. Some might say I still am, that all depends. Honestly Teddy I am not scared if I don't help, that you will kill yourself. Not that I don't think you are capable, but when my friend killed himself....he never said a word. He just went home and did it. So honestly I don't believe you want to. I have simply been screwed up in life and I understand what it's like to think no one understands. And no I don't have to care about you or anyone, but I think you have alot to offer. I obviously don't know you, so to say I care about you like one of my family would be wrong. But when you say I don't care at all, you're wrong....I've been there and care about anyone who thinks they are evil, deserve what happens....ect. I care about ending the cycle so that kids don't have to grow up and live the way I did.

---

Don't know what to say, Just that I never said no one understands me. I really don't like talking about this anymore so I will ends things as that.

quote:

---

Now that's cool, my girlfriend was doing the same thing. The only problem is that it is a very hard job to get. There are only 8 Profilers in the country. She decided this goal was unabtainable and moved tword Forensic Psychology. Basically she could come on a crime scene and tell you what happend, how it happend, what was used to commit the crime, reasons for doing it and so on. That's why I make the Psychiatrist comment, your argument in the molestation thread was alot like stuff we argue about. I'm not interested why people do what they do, I just want it to stop....but she just has to know what makes them tick.

---

Still want to be a Profiler and yea I want to also know what makes them tick so I could stop it from happening again with someone else.

quote:

---

That's it Teddy!!When someone says I hate myself, I am evil, god hates me and I feel like I want to die, what are other people suppose to think? I'm not even commenting on how hard your life was or wasn't, compared to alot of people my life was cake. You wrote a bunch of stuff down that you were feeling at that moment, maybe now you are thinking oh I hate this why did I do that, but it doesn't change the fact that you are capable of thinking that way. Which means....you must feel it. I am sorry if for one brief moment I reached out my hand to try and help, if you hate me for it, then I'll stop....

---

It was a mistake, I don't know what came over me. I know how to hide my feelings and my way of thinking on things from people and from everything. I lived a good life, just locking everything away and trying really hard not to be noticed by anyone or anything. Just living life and letting no one really what I think or feel, not letting them see any emotions. Let them think that I'm just the little shy nice girl.

Well, something happen that made me tick and made me open up like some fool. Well, it wasn't something, it was someone and no I won't blame him for what happen because it wasn't his fault, like you he was only trying to help but he failed at doing what he wanted to do, like you will end up doing.

I realized how I was opening up, I don't let myself go like that, I guess he really did had an effect on me (Darn It) but now that I know what I was doing, I have decided that wasn't a good idea and I'm slowly closing up again and at some point in time, I will close up entirely and you nor anyone else can't ever open me up again, my lock has been rebuild and it's much more powerful now.

So you should give up now becsuse I could feel myself closing up to this world and soon everyone including him and you would forget about what I have told them and lie you life as normal as possible and I will be a forgotten mystery in everyone's mind.

For wanted to be a Psychiatrist, I cannot figure out how the hack he open my lock in the first time and why he kept trying after everything. I'm still trying to figure that out.

quote:

---

you didn't even read my other post yet, you are not allowed to respond until you do!!!
And since you don't hate me.....yet
I am going to keep bothering you!
I may not understand what it is to be a tiny little girl! I may not know what it's like to have to wear baggy clothes so guys won't honk at you! I may not understand what it's like to have an older brother pick on me! But I am willing to give it a shot....have just a little faith in me!

---

I have faith in no one when it comes to me. I don't trust people and believe them. They had hurt me too many times so that's why now I'm just scared of people. I won't let myself go again. There I go: Here's the old me, the closed up me, I guess I will close up sooner than I had planned for. Fair enough: Great timing!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm glad to be back!!!!!!!!! LoL it sounds like I have multiple personality or probably Bipolar disease, but I checked out, I was all good. Well, they checked me out with depression, but I know what depression is all about and I don't have it.

Guestion: Do you think I would make a good Profiler?

Please, don't say, I think you could do whatever you set your mind to. That's surely not what I was asking, look at the question a bit closer, please. What I mean: Do you think from what you have been reading from me that I could be a good meaning skillful Profiler some day?

Since I was little I had this thing for people and how they work. LoL, I like observing people, I love observeing those people who are about to get mad but because they are in a public place, they won't so they will hold everything insde but NO when they come home, that's when the screaming begins or those people who just get mad in public and everone looks at them like some freak like no one has ever been mad before? Okay, I understand, it's not everyday that you see someone get mad in public but hey people need to blow off some hot air at times.

Oh people are very idiosyncratic and interesting too.

I'm so done now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jut forgot about me okay. it's not worth trying.

Bye N Have a nice day

Teddy

you didn't even read my other post yet, you are not allowed to respond until you do!!!

And since you don't hate me.....yet

I am going to keep bothering you!
I may not understand what it is to be a tiny little girl! I may not know what it's like to have to wear baggy clothes so guys won't honk at you! I may not understand what it's like to have an older brother pick on me! But I am willing to give it a shot....have just a little faith in me!

I don't hate you....................

I love you, I love everyone. I know that sounds peachy but really I try to love instead of hate

Stop reaching out your hand though. I feel bad when I just slap it off. I have a bad habit of doing that, ask steve, he knows.


Bye N have a nice day

quote:

---

I hate it when people think I had a hard life and I hate it when they tell me how great I am. I hate it when they say they understand, that doesn't help even if they do understand.

---

That's it Teddy!!
When someone says I hate myself, I am evil, god hates me and I feel like I want to die, what are other people suppose to think? I'm not even commenting on how hard your life was or wasn't, compared to alot of people my life was cake. You wrote a bunch of stuff down that you were feeling at that moment, maybe now you are thinking oh I hate this why did I do that, but it doesn't change the fact that you are capable of thinking that way. Which means....you must feel it.
I am sorry if for one brief moment I reached out my hand to try and help, if you hate me for it, then I'll stop....

I didn't read all what you said. Actually I read one sentence here it is:

quote:

---

I have simply been screwed up in life and I understand what it's like to think no one understands.

---

I know I'm stupid for reading just the middle part

But all I have to say to that is that I never said no one understand and I surely never said my life is screwed up.

I hate it when people think I had a hard life and I hate it when they tell me how great I am. I hate it when they say they understand, that doesn't help even if they do understand.

I will read the rest tomorrow

Bye N Have a nice day

quote:

---

Billy: I don't think you care, I just think your scared, your scared that I might kill myself or do something that I might want to take back later and you would feel terrible just to ignore something like that from happening so you try stopping it with your words. Your kind by you don't have to do this. Don't pretend like you care, please. Sorry

---

Ok Teddy, you could be right, everything about my persona is not caring about anyone else. I've laughed at people who wanted to kill themselves, I've punched people for looking at me the wrong way. I've done alot and I honestly believed I was evil as well. Some might say I still am, that all depends. Honestly Teddy I am not scared if I don't help, that you will kill yourself. Not that I don't think you are capable, but when my friend killed himself....he never said a word. He just went home and did it. So honestly I don't believe you want to. I have simply been screwed up in life and I understand what it's like to think no one understands. And no I don't have to care about you or anyone, but I think you have alot to offer. I obviously don't know you, so to say I care about you like one of my family would be wrong. But when you say I don't care at all, you're wrong....I've been there and care about anyone who thinks they are evil, deserve what happens....ect. I care about ending the cycle so that kids don't have to grow up and live the way I did.

quote:

---

I'm not exactly studying to be a psychiatrist. Well, I am but it's not really for people, it's for people who are crimally insane so that is called a Profiler.

---

Now that's cool, my girlfriend was doing the same thing. The only problem is that it is a very hard job to get. There are only 8 Profilers in the country. She decided this goal was unabtainable and moved tword Forensic Psychology. Basically she could come on a crime scene and tell you what happend, how it happend, what was used to commit the crime, reasons for doing it and so on. That's why I make the Psychiatrist comment, your argument in the molestation thread was alot like stuff we argue about. I'm not interested why people do what they do, I just want it to stop....but she just has to know what makes them tick.

Billy:

I'm not exactly studying to be a psychiatrist. Well, I am but it's not really for people, it's for people who are crimally insane so that is called a Profiler.

LoL I'm not sure though so feel free for anyone to correct me on this. I need the correction, you know.

But yea I want to be a Profiler more than anything. Profiler and Pilot in the Air-Force.

Have my own personal plane in my backyard.

and in my free time, I draw out houses and pay architects to make the layout that I made and let people live there for free.

Hopefully I'm getting good at drawing layouts of things that architects later build. But that's all up to my teacher to decide . Hopefully, I passed his midterm, that was hard but I finished the whole drawing, just don't know if I did it right. I probably got it all wrong, knowing him, I have 20 mistakes there .

People say I'm really good at drafting which is
(if someone doesn't knows but I think you all do know) drawing layouts of houses or things that architects later build. But, I don't think that I'm good. I still have a lot of work to do to get my drawing to be perfect. That's the whole thing about drafting perfection and lots of patience.

Oh yea, you get dirty sometimes too, the dust makes me cough and sometimes gets my drawing all dirty. But, that doesn't happen a lot, it's just when the room is really dirty so we are order to clean it. LoL that wasn't part of the class but okay.

Sorry this was so long. Sometimes I write a little too much.

Bye N Have a nice day

oh yes, Thanks LuckyKaren7 and I'm sorry about that happening to you. Good luck in everything, I know you could do it and yea be happy, well try to but it's always good to cry at times too.

Bye N Have a nice day

I have no dad. He died 2 days after my birthday.

I understand why my brother and my mother is doing this, remember you said it yourself, Billy, I wanted to be a psychiatrist. I think about everything, everything has a meaning behind it. But even if I do understand, it still hurt and it still is true what they say.

That's all I wanted to say

Billy: I don't think you care, I just think your scared, your scared that I might kill myself or do something that I might want to take back later and you would feel terrible just to ignore something like that from happening so you try stopping it with your words. Your kind by you don't have to do this. Don't pretend like you care, please. Sorry

Bye N Have a nice day

I would really like it if everyone just stop helping me. You still could post here but don't post something involving me. I'm sorry again but thank you.

Teddy you are as I and many other kids have been this is a normal part of life, things happen that you don't understand. And understanding them only comes with time. I know you don't want anymore posts in this thread, but you are going to get them. Because I want you to remember this, even if you don't care about yourself or you feel your family doesn't care about you....somewhere someone does, as we do on this board.

I am an only child, so I can't speak personally about the subject. But what I wanted to know is do you have a Dad? A good friend of mine had a father who was really hard on him and he in return would take these things out on his sisters. His Dad would say stuff like he was weak and stuff and hit him and I could see my friend doing the same things to his sisters. Or maybe your brother has a hard time at school and kids pick on him and he comes home and takes it out on you. You shouldn't blame yourself, your brother may just have problems he is taking out on you, trying to make you feel bad to make himself feel better. It is sad but it happens and maybe you both should talk to someone.

As for parents, I know what you are saying about support, it means the world. Your Mom may be very busy trying to raise 3 kids, and sometimes she may just forget to tell you she cares. I know I've mentioned this before, but my life growing up was not great, I don't want to go into detail.
I have done things I'm not always proud of, like thinking about suicide, doing drugs, being in gangs and running away from home. I can remember the only reason I used to go to school is so I didn't have to be home. I don't want you to do any of these things, I have almost messed up my life many times. But that which does not kill you can only make you stronger! You have to hang in there, I am so glad I did! There are people who do care about me, I have learned to use the bad things in my life to do positive things. Teddy I promise you, one day you will do some very positive things. Stay strong....

Being the youngest in my family, I couldn't pass this up. When I was younger, my sister took up picking on me and everything I do. We'd get into fights of the worst kind. We still do sometimes. But when she got older, and I got older, our fights got worse until, one time, she punched me so hard in the arm that it bruised. I started crying quietly, but then she noticed my sorrow and hasn't hit me since.

In addition to my sister's taunting, I had to deal