Well, this is my life story. I just need to get it out.
Born-5 years old: I was an unwanted child. My parents used to hit me with belts & fly swatters when I was "bad" I was yelled & hit me if I cried. Grandpa sexually abused/assualted me.
5-10 years old: Same thing... But, Grandma dies. And sister makes fun of me & so do other people. Teacher in 5th grade always yelled at me for everything. And here came the Depression.
10 years old - right now: Sexually abused... Then it stoped in 6th grade. Sexually harrased/Asuulted by a boy in 7th grade. Mom dies. Sister hates me... Dad hates me. I'm cutting & I want to comment suicide. No one cares & no one believes me. I'm a worthless, b!tch that no one loves. That's my life. Ok I'll shut up now... I whine & show my feelings to much... -JM
One day, you will finish high school and you will be able to get out of that house and never have to return if you don't want to. I know life sucks right now but there is so much you can do with your future. You can follow your dreams and be happy again. You can live alone and support yourself or- who knows- maybe you'll meet someone and fall in love. There are so many possibilities and awaiting friendships for you out there. You're still young. Don't give up hope! And you're a special person, I can tell. Blessed be.
(My grandpa did the same thing to me and both my sisters, a cousin, and a family friend; too bad he's not dead yet. So you're not alone.)
Age 0-4: I don't remember; I was too young, I guess.
Age 4-10: Elementary school. Woo hoo, the belt. Lovely little thing that not only keeps your pants up, but also keeps your kids in line when they're bad!
Age 10-15: Junior high and high school. I promise my parents they can hit me whenever they like as long as they never hit my younger sister or brother. They agree. More belt. Diagnosed with severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Age 15-Present Day: High school and college. I learn how to curse fluently. More belt.
So, it's not as bad as the first one in this thread, but I've also left some stuff out because I'm not comfortable with saying it. And obviously, this is highly cut just because it's hard to write about anyone's life in less than a book. Any comments?
Hello? I'm really felt bad when i read this and i don't think you should keep up with THAT! Maybe you should call for help... i mean there must be someone that can help...right! The only advice i can give you is: DON'T kill yourself! PLEASE, if you don't do it for YOU do it for us....you'll think i take this way TOO seriously but i think of myself as evrybody's FRIEND in this site, 'cause I get to tell them what i think and they get to help me too!
not all of that-but some, a good some- has happened to me. You needa talk email me ok? I'm here I can help. I pulled myself out as well as my ex boyfriend. AIM: iloblegolas2957
JM, you're not worthless!!! You're anything BUT worthless. You're a wonderful person with so much to offer! You need to tell someone about this stuff. I'm always around if you want to talk, and i like to talk, so feel free to Email or IM me
I know what you are going through. Though I myself have never been through ALL or those things, most I have, my mom has been through those I haven't. I've learned alot about helping others really see their true beauty and realizing how much others need them. I recently had a friend whom committed suicide. He thought no one loved or cared for him. He was a small town boy, but the # of ppl at the funeral was greater than any Id ever seen before. I don't even know you and can tell you that you are a beautiful person. And someone, somewhere down the line will need you to be there for them. To share experiences with and to give them hope that there are better days coming.
If you ever want to talk, I am always around. I don't even have to talk, if ya just need someone to listen. My s/n is AVnss.... IM me...
Remember that you are beautiful, and simply by posting this up, you've already encouraged others!
Two of our greatest gifts are life and our freedom to express ourselves. So don't be afraid to talk about the way you feel or to sound like you whine all the time. There is defenetly alot going on inside of you and you shouln't keep it inside. It is true that you shouln't dwell on it but it is also true that you should not supress such feelings. Please don't give up and don't hurt yourself. Don't let the pass darken your future, you cannot control what happened to you then and change it, but you can control the way you see life now and the way you chose to live it. There is a way out. Trust me. I know what it is to be sexually harrassed and such. So I know what I'm talking about. About your mothers death, I'm deeply sorry.
However, i believe that if you make it actually worth something, you can change things around, and more things will be tended to go your way.
Try joining a sport or extra-ciricular activity where no one knows you. Why do I say no one? You can find new and probably better friends in there. I joined my youth group at my parish, and that, sweetie, is where all my friends come from.
It's good if your dad is funding for you college education - definately. What do you like to do? What interests you? Maybe you could follow those dreams, work hard, and go into a good college.
Hey. Life really begins once we travel thru the crap teenage years. Im sry youre still so young, but guess what? That only gives you more time to succeed in life and make more friends. See, try not to look at it as though you have no friends, and that it will only be more years to suffer alone. Nah - look at it as more time granted for you to have fun, to earn good grades, to try out all the sports and activites in your school/community that you want.
I am so sorry, I know it's really hard and frustrating to live a life you've suffered in since you were very little. But, you still got a long way to go...a good thing, since there's still so much more you can do and put your heart and faith into.
School year just started...thats great. Get involved! Start over and say, "im getting good grades this year, this about my future...b/c damn, im gonna have a good one whether anyone likes it or not!" lol, theres so much to look forward to. Dont ever think of suicide sweetie.
I will IM you...youre on my buddy list now. I'll IM you so that you know who i am...im not comfortable really giving out my sn on YN.
collielvr101- Thanks. But I do feel worthless. I told my friends this & they just stopped talking to me like I wasen't here. I know I'm only in my teen years. But it seems like my life is just one big long day that won't stop. I don't know. I think my Dad is paying with the fund each month I get from my Mom, after she died. I don't know. I do pray. But nothing good comes out of it. Well, I made a few friends then I lost them. So I just don't believe anymore. Let alone care. Well IM me if you want at JustMyself135911
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Elenor Roosevelt
That quote is so true. Im not saying that you havent been thru enough, it certainly seems like you have.
I wish I knew you personally - I would like to be your friend and help you.
Anyway, you dont have to feel and "be" worthless unless you decide to. Remember, you have a whole life ahead of you to look forward to. Childhood is only one small slab of life that all of undergo. In fact, its not even childhood. You're in the teen years now...that helps.
There is a whole other life besides your teen years now. You can set and plan a future for yourself. You can, sooner or later, live life the way you wish, without being harrassed. And, someday, there will be a special person to understand and love you.
I know how hard it can be to just sit there and wait -- I've been suicidal myself before, too. And, its very impatient and frustrating...I know. It majorly sucks. But, please - the last thing you should do is complete suicide. You only live and feel life once. I have a really good feeling that things in life will be a lot more different - and better - when you get older. Follow your dreams, earn good grades, attend a college of your choice. Your dad wont help you pay or get in? Have someone else help you then...even if its a teacher or guidance counsler. I have a teacher from my freshman year that I adore...and, if i ever needed anything or help, she would give it to me. There are teachers like that at your school too...you just have to find them. They're always there.
My heart goes out to you...I will be praying for you every night. Also - this is just a suggestion, im not saying you have to do it, and im not trying to convert you...but, if you can just open your heart up to Jesus and pray to Him, talk to Him about your problems...He can help, and will grant you unexpected things. It's a promise.
Well...never think you're worthless...ever. And, I have a couple of philosophies. Besides the one that consists of freedom of choice, the other one that I made up and believe in is that optimism is the key to life, to be pestimistic is to fail majorly in yourself and life. Hang in there w/ life...you just gotta be patient...and make it worth something. Ignore your dad and sister.
God Bless, *~Collielvr~*
P.S. Hey, if you wanna talk...you know, you can always noisemail me...thatd be cool.
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I'll IM you so that you know who i am...im not comfortable really giving out my sn on YN.
