okay...this one's gonna be if you need advice.i'm aspiring to become a psychiatrist and i'm trying to get a few starters...so shoot. i dont care just tell me what's wrong!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by jamaica17:

"When I give advice to people that drugs are bad and that they can get you in trouble, what do I get in return???? They tell me to get a life!"

Jamaica, GET A LIFE! Nobody cares that you care. It's my life and I'm gonna do what I want with it. i don't need to your lectures about not cussing and s**t! And right now, i'm gonna do what I want by saying shut the f**k up! Get over it.

I didn't mean that to everyone. There are people here who are really advising people, and for that I am glad.

Might I make a suggestion? Ask a question, get an answer. STOP QUOTING EACH OTHER EVERY FIVE SECONDS! This board is for advice, no? I've been reading it, and yes, there is some good stuff, but where is all the advice. What I see is a lot of ranting.

Wow, this thread hsa gone way out of hand!

But let me reinforce somethings:

you can't CHOOSE to be depressed
if you're only on here to tell people how crappy and stupid they are because they're depressed, go away
jam, this isn't about you. This about helping people who need it at the moment. you need help, but not the kind they need, so if you're just going to make snide comments, you may leave.

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Appalling??? LIke what???

Like when you told Celtic she deserved to get raped.

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Why should it be terrible when THEY are the ones causing this WORLD to go into ruins????? It is THEIR choice and EVERYONE IS AFFECTED BY IT...

Read this carefully: Nobody chooses to be Depressed. I have been depressed for a very long time and I hate it. I wish it would go away. But it wont, which is why I have to have professional help. When I saw what you said about depressed people, I was sickened. I was hurt and angry. I went into a deeper depression. I kept beating myself up because I really began to think that my sadness was causing more sadness around me. I wanted to die, because of what you said. As I said before, you never EVER say things like that to a depressed person. It doesn't help us at all. I have Dysthymia (a form of depression) and I swear by the Bible that it is not my fault. I'm sorry if I'm causing sorrow in the world, but I can't help it.

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And so what if I am causing them pain with my advice??

Oh man... You really think it's okay to tell a suicidal person they are the scum of the Earth, don't you? That is not what a good person would say. They never dismiss the feelings of people in danger of ending their lives. They never say "So what if I'm causing them pain." When you cause a suicidal person pain, you're adding onto the pain they already feel and encouraging them to end their lives. You're training to be a nurse for crying out loud, you should have the common sense to know that. Ask a doctor about what to do with depressed people. I'll bet you $100 they won't say, "Yell at them, make them feel like sh*t and they'll get over it." Jamaica, I'm honestly trying to be nice to you. But you're just so.... difficult. It's like you don't want to listen to anything I have to say. I am a depressed person, I know what I'm talking about. If you tell me something that causes me pain, I'll be more depressed. That's how depression works. The pain just keeps piling on for years and the painful things you say add onto the pile. Sometimes the pile will get too heavy and too overwhelming, and suicide seems like the only way out. Do you know what it's like to feel completely and totally helpless? As if you're face to face with a bear in the woods and you don't have a weapon and there isn't help for miles? That's how it feels for me. The bear represents the depression and it seems like the only way out is to let the depression take over and kill me. And for years everyone had been distant. No one wanted to help me. And you said those nasty things about depressed people and I almost lost myself. Do you know that feeling too? To lose yourself? It's like your spirit leaves your body and you feel like an empty shell of a person. You just give up. This happens to me when I'm extremely depressed. Suicide doesn't seem like a big deal to me when that happens. You want to know what helped me? It certainly wasn't your advice. It was my friend. He was kind and compassionate to me. He was never aggressive with me. When I was cutting myself and taking handfuls of pills, he held me close and constantly whispered in my ear "I love you so much. I don't want to lose you." Then I would cry for an hour or so and afterwards I felt so much better.

Do you understand now? You have to treat suicidal and depressed people with kindness and respect in order to help us. It's the only way. I promise you that. Your method will only make things much worse.

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sometimes you have to be aggressive to get things done. If you are too lenient, then all you ever can accomplish is years and years of the same things done over and over again with NO improvement.

You are not listening to me. If you are aggressive and mean about advice giving, people will distance themselves from you. If you are firm yet compassionate, they will be more willing to accept it. There are some people who don't want to listen and that is fine. Just find someone else to help. You can't change everybody. Be realistic. Help those who want to be helped first. I'm sorry about your dad, but yelling at him wouldn't have done anything either. When my uncle had his drug problem, he had to live with us for a while and my mom constantly screamed at him when he drank. One night he was so mad at her, he got into his truck and took off. He was drunk and got into an accident and broke his neck. My mom sent him to south carolina to live with my grandmother. She's been treating him like a mother treats her son when he's sick, with compassion and a gentle touch, and suprise, suprise, he got better. He doesn't drink as much now and he's not into cocaine anymore. Sometimes kindness is all it takes.

I don't know about you, but I when see that someone is in trouble and needs help, I instinctively act humanely. When one of my friends was cutting himself and depressed, I comforted him and made him laugh. And that made his day happier. Although it wasn't a permanent solution, just knowing that I made his life a little better for that one day made me feel as if I accomplished something huge. I'm not trying to be mean when I say this, but you really need to learn empathy. Learn to imagine what they are going through and put yourself in their shoes. Then you'll truly be a good person.

What I'm telling you, Jamaica, is truth. I don't know why you'd think otherwise. But please listen to me. I don't want people to hate you. Notice how much your aggression hasn't worked here. Notice how much it has made people dislike you. That's an obvious clue that you need to change your approach. Think of what Mother Theresa would do.

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You know, I think that is why Pope John Paul II is getting sick everyday because HE is tired of people who do not change and turn to righteousness.

The man is nearly 100 years old, you can't expect him to be able to run on a marathon.

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sometimes you have to be aggressive to get things done.

I'm sorry your dad went through that. However, he is your close family and it is your duty as a good daughter (unless the case was, which I am not saying it is, that he treats you badly, in which case it would be perfectly understandable if you wouldn't care on him). No one here is not even your distant family.

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What is wrong with you all is you try to ESCAPE and refuse to look at what is going around you because YOU are AFRAID that it might just be all a failure.

A lot of us have been succesful, that is the flaw of this argument.

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ISN'T my FAULT the world is full of druggists or suicidal people or people who hate babies

Exactly. And you're not changing the world. No one is alone.

However painful it may be for you to comprehend this, what they do is their lives and will not affect you in any sense. Therefore, you do not affect their actions nor control them. We, like all other humans, know before we do, but it is our choice whether we do or not. I know not sleeping by night will cause me to be tired by day, for example, but I still do it because I choose to. The fact that I didn't sleep did not and will not affect you.

We cannot create a government, much less a global society, in which we force people into something, because people were granted a mind, thus, free will. And free will means that you personally choose what you do and nothing more. You cannot decide whether I sleep tonight (for example), and what you say on it to me is pointless because I already know it but still made my personal choice. It's a matter of respecting people's privacy with the choices of their lives.

In the case that you mention drug lords or killers, those are different stories because they may(note: may) affect you if you somehow end up drugged or if you are the killer's victim. But, those were their choices to let you be affected by it. So, the object of free will and others's lives here is bridged because another person was affected, not just the person who made the choice to do/sell drugs or kill or something.

Whilst I applaud your good intention, I frown on the way you take action. Force is not good, and is very rude, when they are people you barely know. Judging is wrong in all cases, considering it is 98% of times unjust and the person who judged does not actually know enough on the other person to do an accurate judging, and judging itself is a sign of insecurity, and insecurity is a weakness, and a weak person needs to make himself/herself strong before trying to make others heal. Telling people they are destined to a life of failures is also useless because that is wrong, since most people who have done what you think (I say what you think because what is wrong or right differs on the eye of the beholder) are succesful in their lives. usin religious figures or religious texts is highly disrespectul when used in a society or community, such as YouthNOISE, that has people of various religious beliefs and spiritual faiths.

Also, think before you speak. Trust me, it is the wisest advice I've ever received. While in your head you may be thinking "You are so damn immoral and wrong and youre gonna burn in hell for doing drugs/having sex/etc!", saying that to the person will just come off as rude, pathetic, stupid, or just laughable. It is wiser, and has a much better outcome, to say something such as "You should be careful because doing drugs/having sex may have bad results". I notice you admire Ghandi. Well, Ghandi never condemmned anyone, and he had grand results.

That was not meant to spur hateful arguments. It's just what I think of this whole ordeal.

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No, when you tell someone they're causing pain and violence in the world because of their depression and suicidal thoughts, is terrible advice

NO it is NOT... You know why??? You want to know??? Why should it be terrible when THEY are the ones causing this WORLD to go into ruins????? It is THEIR choice and EVERYONE IS AFFECTED BY IT... not just you or me or Ohio.... IT is EVERYONE ELSE. Like, for example... smoking weed... Ohio's brother smoked that before and look what happened??? His little baby GOT SICK!!! For crying out loud, my advices to people who are causing pain and violence to themselves and to the rest of the world is NOT just for me but to others as well. Seriously, if we let criminals or suicidal people running loose, they might end up hurting themselves or hurting others and spreading and influencing others too. Which is why I am trying my best to STOP it.... Or maybe the word STOP or saying "NO" to temptations are too comprehensible and too complicated for you and for the rest to understand. And when I say everyone is affected by those violence and suicidal people and smokers or drug lords, I mean YES.... I do get affected. My dad smoked a lot and we really bugged him and pleaded with him to stop. If he hadn't stopped, if nobody paid any attention to what he is doing, he would have gone so weak, I don't know what would happen.
What is wrong with you all is you try to ESCAPE and refuse to look at what is going around you because YOU are AFRAID that it might just be all a failure. You just let them be even though you know it is unhealthy or wrong because you DON'T care. Those are the signs ans symptoms of people who walk around here on earth tending to ONLY THEIR OWN NEEDS..... And so what if I am causing them pain with my advice?? IT ISN'T my FAULT the world is full of druggists or suicidal people or people who hate babies. I mean, sure I am human, but how come I have the common sense to do and think and act what is NOT dangerous, what is NOT unhealthy and stuff? That is why I don't get why you try to support people who do drugs and say that it is better that I let them be.... So, what are we supposed to do??? Clamp our lips shut and not do anything because what they are doing is accpetable???? You know, I think that is why Pope John Paul II is getting sick everyday because HE is tired of people who do not change and turn to righteousness.

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but at times your help seems more like an attack.

sometimes you have to be aggressive to get things done. If you are too lenient, then all you ever can accomplish is years and years of the same things done over and over again with NO improvement. Same with my dad. At first, we try to be lenient with him and not to bug him so much with smoking...... but he never let up.. HE KEPT on doing it until he was so sick, he had to be absent for several days and what do you think was our feeling???? Do you think that maybe if we were NOT so lenient with him, he might have not gotten that far???? Sometimes I think all those people is a good kick in the pants.

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I know you're trying to defend her and all, that's great, but I don't think you've been here long enough to have read all of her "input and concerns". Some have been quite appalling.

Appalling??? LIke what??? When I try to help people not to ruin their lives by NOT committing suicide or by telling them that drugs are bad or by spreading to others that they should practice abstinence... ARE they appalling??? Or how much I love God that I try to spread it to others so that they may get to love Him too appalling??? Your definition of appalling is beyond me.

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I know you're trying to defend her and all, that's great, but I don't think you've been here long enough to have read all of her "input and concerns". Some have been quite appalling.

No but I've read plenty. Her and I have discussed this. She really just wants to try to save people from doing any serious damage to herself. I know it may seem very harsh and if it does tell her that it seems harsh, don't react by name-calling put-downs because when it comes down to it, she's only saying these things for your own good. Nothing ever gets accomplished when everyone decides to keep insulting one another, it has to end somewhere and it takes maturity to know that you must be kind (or try) back or else you'll end up even deeper into it. And I don't mean this directly to you but to all. I just want more respect shown to everyone on the boards is all, and I'm sorry if I, myself seems rude.

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It's their own bodies that are being ruined but atleast respect her input and concerns.

I know you're trying to defend her and all, that's great, but I don't think you've been here long enough to have read all of her "input and concerns". Some have been quite appalling.

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When I say that people should really stop using drugs and cussing or when I say that people should really see that children are special, IT'S TERRIBLE????

No, when you tell someone they're causing pain and violence in the world because of their depression and suicidal thoughts, is terrible advice. Or when you say someone deserved to get raped because of the way they act. That's what hurts people's feelings. It's good that you want to let people know about things like that, but you're constantly preaching to people who already know and accept the consequences of their actions. That's like talking to a brick wall. Yes, I watch porn, but are there any negative consequences? No. That's why I continue to do it. You can tell me not to do it 'til the cows come home but I'm not going listen to you. Sorry. I don't even watch it that often in the first place.

I'm glad you have all these good intentions but I think you lack the ability to give advice correctly.

Here's some advice for you, Jamaica. If you're dealing with a depressed person who is suicidal, NEVER yell at them or try to make them feel guilty about their feelings. That can intensify their sadness. When you talk to them, support their positive habits. Compliment them. Make them laugh. Uplift their spirits with a song or something. Tell them to consider seeking professional help. If you're dealing with a drug user, don't yell at them either. That only makes them want to rebel and continue using. It's human nature to be curious about things that are considered off-limits. When I was 6, my mother constantly told me not to touch the stove, but my curiosty got the best of me and I burned myself. But I learned from that mistake. And that's what usually happens with drug users. They keep on getting high until one day something bad happens and they don't want to do it anymore. I know this for a fact, I lived with a cocaine addict/alcoholic for a few months. The best thing to do with drug users is to calmly try to talk them out of doing that behavior and suggest they get help, but if they make it obvious that they don't want to quit, just leave them alone. They'll learn sooner or later. I really do applaude you Jamaica for being so willing to help people, but at times your help seems more like an attack. If someone has a problem, learn about the problem, find out how to help them and then offer the help. And when you're helping someone, be nice about it. People will be more willing to accept your help when you're being nice to them. Yelling and nagging only makes people distance themselves from you. I encourage you to keep giving advice, but please be a little nicer. If no one is listening to you just shrug your shoulders and move on.

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It may be annoying but she does it to help for the most part. Like with smoking, do you think she'd say how bad it is if she didn't care? Seriously, it's not harming her body any so why would she say such a thing? It's because she knows how damaging it is and doesn't want anyone to feel that pain and suffer. She's not a selfish person or anything so I suggest that if people don't want to take the advice, then don't! It's their own bodies that are being ruined but atleast respect her input and concerns.

Thank you Steph!! I think Stephanie is the only one who truly understands me..... I am so grateful to her and I know she is one friend I could count on and what she has said about me is CORRECT. I 'm not giving advice or helping for my own achievements... It's ALL YOURS.... TO ALL OF YOU that I am doing this because I don't want smokers to be like my dad (he got sick) and I don't want you to die.... (to those who commit suicide) I am just so confused why anyone is annoyed by such help. If anything, you should be grateful that some random person on the internet CARES.

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And that really annoys some people.

It is ok that you are annoyed with my help... I guess mine is better... you are only annoyed with my help... But I am annoyed with people who cuss... As if it is SO GREAT to the ears

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In America, it's best that you give advice when it is asked.

In America, all they care is about themselves. I am not saying it is bad... but what you said made me realize you are one of those people who are selfish..... Selfless love doesn't need to prodding or pushing to get things done. It acts on its own willingly so that there is a better chance that the world maybe in good condition. Haven't you read that board about abstinence being a failure?? That is what YOUR kind of people are doing.. They are so selfish, they only think about the here and now and their pleasures and yet, they don't consider what will happen in the future.... or whether in the future, they will get STDs or not as long as you can have sex. HOW PATHETIC.

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Which means you're offering help to everyone when we don't want it.

oh, so my willing to help is annoying??? HAHAHAHA All your cussing and all the sex and abortion issues and suicide issues ARE more annoying to me than the help I have extended to those who don't want it... And so what if you don't want it??? At least I have the heart to care and the will to care for others. And at least I have extended some advice so that people who do drugs or smoking or suicide won't die or won't get into trouble. Ever heard of that man who was about to commit suicide but changed his mind and instead the impact of the train was so great that it hits another train and more people are injured and dead?? THAT is the effect when you let someone be and no help is extended to that man. Maybe his friends didn't support him or understand what he is going through and nobody prevented him from committing suicide that LOOK what happened???? HE CAUSED many to die and be injured!!! If he had some friends who told him and convinced him that suicide is not the answer, that accident would never have happened. Things like that happens to people who refuse to listen to good advices or people who refuse to help other because they believe in letting that person be even if they know it is wrong.

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The reason why no one listens to you is because your "advice" is terrible and nobody asked for it in the first place.

TERRIBLE?? *chokes back in surprise* Really... When I say that people should really stop using drugs and cussing or when I say that people should really see that children are special, IT'S TERRIBLE???? Maybe you all see it as terrible because you are all terrible yourselves... Know what? In the long run, I may have been commanding or forcing some people, but YOU DON'T SEE that it is for your own good.... I would never force or command people who are already doing good... DUH. I only give advice to those who are in trouble. And besides, you may NOT realize this, but when YOU CARE and when YOU LOVE others, YOU DON'T NEED OTHERS TO SIGNAL YOU TO HELP THEM. YOU OFFER OR VOLUNTEER TO HELP THEM WHETHER THEY ASK FOR IT OR NOT BECAUSE THERE ARE SOME TENDENCIES WHEREIN THOSE WHO INDULGE IN SMOKING OR DO DRUGS DON'T ASK FOR ANY HELP BECAUSE THEY ARE AFRAID TO FACE THAT THEY ARE WRONG. GOT THAT?

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I don't know how it is in the Philippines, but in America, that's just rude and uncalled for.

Oh really??? Well, in the Philippines, we find cussing RUDE.

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And that really annoys some people.

It may be annoying but she does it to help for the most part. Like with smoking, do you think she'd say how bad it is if she didn't care? Seriously, it's not harming her body any so why would she say such a thing? It's because she knows how damaging it is and doesn't want anyone to feel that pain and suffer. She's not a selfish person or anything so I suggest that if people don't want to take the advice, then don't! It's their own bodies that are being ruined but atleast respect her input and concerns.

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When I try to steer people out of the bad path (like suicide, abortion, casual and teen sex, cussing) what do I get???? just a bunch of sarcastic comments.

The reason why no one listens to you is because your "advice" is terrible and nobody asked for it in the first place. You're "advice" actually consists of ordering or commanding us to do something. I don't know how it is in the Philippines, but in America, that's just rude and uncalled for. In America, it's best that you give advice when it is asked. You're being overly officious (New word I learned last week). Which means you're offering help to everyone when we don't want it. And that really annoys some people.

A part of me regrets what I just posted...A part of me also wants everyone to read what I posted..... I guess I am just so depressed and confused, I don't really know what to do now.....

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okay...this one's gonna be if you need advice.i'm aspiring to become a psychiatrist and i'm trying to get a few starters...so shoot. i dont care just tell me what's wrong!

I am definitely going to roll my eyes like this to THIS board. Because I am DRAINED out and FRUSTRATED and ANNOYED and TIRED and EXHAUSTED that people here just ward off my good advice... When I give advice to people that drugs are bad and that they can get you in trouble, what do I get in return???? They tell me to get a life! HA! When I tell people that smoking is bad for their health and they should quit it because my dad got REAL sick before when he was still smoking, what do I get???? They ward off my advice! When I try to steer people out of the bad path (like suicide, abortion, casual and teen sex, cussing) what do I get???? just a bunch of sarcastic comments. I have always been trying to help people out and try to lead them OUT of depression, suicide, drugs, smoking or porn but everytime I do that, they WARD it off.... Sometimes just the words ADVICE and HELP actually makes me seethe. Ever since I came here to YN, all I ever did was try to make the world a better place but people are stubborn and they still choose to do what they are doing even though they know it can harm them. And then THEY WHINE about it.

Now I am even more depressed. And seriously, giving good advice and helping other people and they just ward it off as if I don't exist is really DAMAGING my mental, emotional and spiritual health. Sometimes I think I should just retrace my steps and instead of helping other people stay clear of temptation and other evils, maybe I should LAUGH if ever they are in trouble and hope that they would get in trouble. I mean, I am just SOOOOOO TIRED. If people don't appreciate my goodwill and all my righteousness, how about ME being the opposite? I mean, hey.... that is what YOU guys want right??? To avoid the righteousness of life and instead go to the wrong path.