I read it all, really thanks. Yea, my brother hits me just playing around though when I really annoy him, that's all, no big deal. It doesn't even hurt and like I don't hit him back. It really is cool.

and anyways it is my fault. All my fault.

Please don't get mad for me saying this, it's just what I think.

Um I tried the journal thing but I stopped.

Bye N Have a nice day

I haven't finished reading your post but I need to say this:

My mother really loves me, I know she does. She isn't a bad mother. Yea, sometimes she might make me feel bad and scream at me and stuff like that. But, what parent wouldn't do that? She just cares about me, she is looking out for me. She LOVES me. Anyways, it's not like I'm little Miss Perfect here, I'm like the daughter you would ever want to have, really I am. She is right when she makes me feel bad and screams at me.

As for my brother:

He acts like a normal brother. I know he really loves me too. It doesn't matter if he makes fun of me a lot. Like I said, I'm not Little Miss Perfect so I bother him so he needs to make fun of me.

Look, I'm sorry for making this thread, I don't know what came over me that day just everyone STOP POSTING IN THIS THREAD, PLEASE.

Okay now I'm going to read the rest of this post.

But thanks for caring. But everything is really okay, there's no problem. My brother is not abusing me. I'm happy. Don't worry about me, I will be alright.

Bye N Have a nice day

Wow. Ok, I read this just after reading that child molestation thread. Umm… well that helps explain the low self-esteem thing a little huh? Your family is like the foundation of your whole life, I mean you grow up with them, they have the ability to change your life more than practically anyone. So how are you supposed to feel good about yourself if they don't support you?

That really sucks. I don't know what to say except, well, your brother is a complete ***. As is your mum. Sorry if I offend you saying that but they are not being good family members. I really think you need to talk about someone about it. Counselling is confidential so your family wouldn't have to know about anything you say. Nor would anyone else. The journal thing is a good idea too, although you might want to hide it from your brother…

STOP SAYING YOU DO NOT HAVE PROBLEMS. Modesty is all very well and you may keep saying not to mind you and 'it's all cool' but you are being abused by your brother. Don't say that is not a problem. And stop blaming yourself for him acting that way. Have you ever considered he acts like this towards you because he is the bad one? He hits you and calls you names, why does he want to do that because he's messed up, that's why. He's a bully and maybe there is nothing you can do to make him treat you humanely, or 'make him like you'. You can only see that what he tells you is lies and he is treating you in a way that nobody deserves to be treated. You are as good as him, in fact I'd venture to say you are better than him. I really, really think you should talk to someone. Your family might not be the most supportive environment (to put it lightly), but you don't have to lie there and let what they say or do drag you down because this is YOUR life.

I hope that whatever happens in the future you manage to move on from this. These things will not be here forever. In the meantime know that not everything is your fault, that it is not humanly possible to solve all the problems in the world and the best anyone can do is try. You are not some underling. You deserve a future as much as anyone else. You deserve the right to be happy. Don't let anyone change that for you. You are so stubborn in your conviction that you are below consideration and you don't matter that I expect these words won't help at all. But I think you should stop carrying on like this in blind ignorance of the facts. At some point you have to stop and take a good look at how things really are. Don't let your perception of yourself get in the way. Look at how you act from an outsider's view and think with unclouded judgement, would you blame yourself? You are unusually forgiving of other people (I think I'd be hard-pressed to love someone who treated me like that, even if he was my brother) but with yourself you are so harsh. Forgive me for saying this but you have a distorted view of the world. If you don't see the crime in what your brother is doing I bet the law does because it's abuse loud and clear.

So you are not perfect. Nobody is. Give yourself a chance. If you can't help yourself, get outside help. A counseller, a phone line. Whatever it takes to get a shred of self-respect into your system. Then maybe you will be able to come through this despite anything your brother or anyone else says, does or hits you with. Also, if your brother or any other family member ever puts you in danger, get away from them. I am deadly serious!

Like outspokenme, I'm sorry if I've been a little harsh. people are giving you some really good advice here, probably better than I could ever give as I've had a shamefully easy life. Listen to them, please!

Bex

That sucks, Teddy. But don't believe it. I've read some of your other posts and I personally think you've got the right idea. Don't believe anybody who calls you retarded or says you aren't imporant.
I started hating myself when I was in second grade because I started believing everything people told me. I thought I was ugly and stupid; I thought god hated me (and then I stopped believing in god). I try not to believe people liek that now. You're not terrible for losing your cool with your brother; it's understandable, the way he treats you. But you know doing the same thing won't help. Learn the phrase "Kill him with kindness". Apply it to you and him. And find other ways to let out your anger- do you have a journal?

my brother tells me stuff that leaves me upset for months

hes told me everything from me being a mistake.. (i was an accident) to *****... c--- hes told me im a worthless piece of **** anf go die and never come back. hes laughed in my face when i went to him cause i wanted to die. hes told me to go pump myself full og drugs and die in a gutter, he embarassed im his siter im not human im a beast im ugly im fat im annoying and discusting he tells *** his freinds everything that happened to me and he uses my depression as his punching bag cause he knows everything hurts, and when i cant take it and say something he turns it around and says i hate him.. i never once told him those words. its not even him when my fathers in a bad mood he takes it out on me when he walsk threw the door. and everyone says it not just you hes just stressed. well yeah it is just me cause i get cornered and he doesnt say the things he does to neone else.. if i knew what it was like to be happy i think id fail at that too

My brother seems to stay the exact same way. Talking to him like a human being doesn't help much, I already tried that. Nothing really seem to help much with him. He is still him and I still need to deal with it but it's all cool. I don't care if he calls me a retard or anything like that anymore. I guess after a long time of being called those things, you kind of grow nomb to it and you just don't care. It's probably truth anyways.

Now for my mother............She did say I love you a couple of days ago so That's GREAT. I know she loves me and she takes care of me. Ok ok, she doesn't encourage me as much as I want her to and she makes me feel like a bad child but you know what as long as she loves me then I will be alright, no mother is perfect and anyways what she says probably is truth too. I should be grateful and I was an idiot for making this topic. My family doesn't make me feel like a terrible person, I and I ALONE is the person who makes me feel like a terrible person.

I feel so bad for making this topic. I'm just really messed up in the head that's why I made it and I'm sorry.

Bye N Have a nice day

Teddy,call kids help phone.the number is:

1-800-668-6868

Or,go to the website:
www.kidshelpphone.com

P.S.Tell your mom that you feel she hates you,and ask her why she never says,"I love you" anymore.

Then share a mug of hot chocolate

Calm yourself,girl.First of all try talking to your brother CALMLY,COOLY and MATURELY.Tell him how his behaviour makes you feel.Tell him that if he will be nice to you,you will be nice to him.If he won't bend,tell your parents.And don't just say,"He's being mean to me".Tell them the exact things he's said and how you run to your room crying.Tell them you feel evil and that God hates you because you hit your brother out of your anger and distress.And,if you're feeling brave,tell them you feel like you want to kill yourself.They will come up with a soloution.
Then,go make yourself a mug of hot chocolate.

~Tasha~

Your right outspokemme, I did ask for help and deep down inside I do want help but also deep down inside, I know, I don't deserve help.
NeptunesSound, I think I'm evil because of the mistakes I did and the way I act and just everything about me is bad. Also, it seems like a lot of people on here, are mad at me, no nice person will make someone feel like that.
Hey, I'm not that bad, come on, I'm blue at times and don't think, I'm somebody sometimes, but doesn't everyone feel like that sometimes. OK OK, my mom and brother put me down sometimes, but they still love me, Is Hard Love!
I;m ok and I'm done with all this. But thanks for everyone's help
Bye Have a nice day
Cindy

Instead of fighting, try telling your brother how you feel. If you decide to stoop to his level and fight, so be it. But instead of fighting with limbs, fight with words. Although there's the saing "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may never hurt me" it still has an effect on your person

Although I'm not very amiable with counselors, I truly suggest you speak with one. You have a suicidal urge (obviously) and that does more harm than good. Perhaps you can get some help gaining self confidence. maybe that will help a tad bit.

Most of all, YOU need to help yourself. Don't allow yourself to be the victim, the "No one Important so don't mind me" as you so frequently sign your posts, the "bad" person, etc. Even if you gain pity, that will not help, because you're still stuck in a rut. Saying you are unimportant and evil doesn't help anything. Why do you say you're evil??



*Star*

This may seem kinda lame...but try writing your brother. There's something about a letter that forces people to listen to you, I guess because you can't yell or hit a piece of paper. Yeah, he could always tear it up without reading it, but it's worth a try.

Either way, remember that you are above your brother, who is simply being a bully.

Fine, believe what you want. However, if you didn't want help, you wouldn't have posted this board. In fact, in your first post, you said you were looking for help. You have a way out: now it's up to you.

Um........I don't hit him because I'm so mad that I don't think. I hit him when he trys hitting me in the face or does something I wouldn't want him to do, like read my stuff, that's private.

I told him "no" many times, I told him how I felt, I even cried my eyes out in front of him. I tried ignoring him which pissing off even more, I tried talking to him, I tried yelling at him, I tried running away or walking away from him, I tried standing up for myself, he want's to fight then so will I.

I guess I tried everything that my small mind could think of and nothing seems to work, nothing makes me feel better but instead worse. Nothing seems to make him happy with me. He gets so mad when I tell him I can't do something or he says, I'm lying when I say, I'm in pain.

My mom gets so mad at me when I do yell at him. But, it's odd, she doesn't get mad at him when he calls me a retard or B***h or hits me. I guess, yelling is more worse than name calling.
I know they love me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I guess, you know what, they shouldn't love me, no one should, I don't deserve happiness that love gives, I don't dserve anything, I'm awful that's why.

It might sound paranormal to you guys, I might sound carzy and in need of help. But, It's no big problem, I been feeling like this since probably the age of 10, I believe and I was able to cope with it all these years. I expect the fact that I'm terrible, it's just sometimes i need to write about it and no I won't kill myself, if that's what any of you are thinking, I want to save the world someday and how could I do that if I'm dead?

There's bigger problems in the world, no need for my pity problems that I created to myself!!!!!!!!

Bye N have a nice day

Now, I'm sure I will be criticized for this, but so be it.

First off, I'm the youngest of 5 girls, and I know, very well, what it's like to be pushed around. My dad has, on occasion, called me
a(n) "airhead" or "ditz" however, I have enough sense to ignore any hurtful statement said about me/to me. My mind is stronger than anything that anyone else could ever say to me, and the bad things do not penetrate my mind.

You, Teddy, have identified your own problem, which I have noticed from several of your posts.

quote:

---

I have no self confidence

---

That is a huge problem, and you need to do your best to take care of it. Not everyone will like you, not even the ones that are supposed to love you. So be it. There are worse things in the world.

Instead of fighting, try telling your brother how you feel. If you decide to stoop to his level and fight, fight with words, not with physical means.

Although I'm not fond of counselors, I truly suggest you speak with one. 1) You have (apparently) a suicidal urge 2) The problems with your brother may be considered emotional abuse 3) Perhaps you can get some help gaining self confidence.

Most of all, YOU need to help yourself. Don't allow yourself to be the victim, the "No one Important so don't mind me" as you so frequently sign your posts, the "bad" person, etc. Even if you gain pity, that will not help, because you're still stuck whereever you may be.

Now, I hope I wasn't too harsh, and if I was, I apologize for the hurt feelings, however not the content of my posts. Sometimes, honestly must be heard.

This could be the next main board. I like it and I know that there are other people out there who feel the same way we do.

Sorry, Jookly that your mom called you that. She shouldn't have said such things to you, I bet your really a nice person. Really, I mean that!


Also, Drumars3 and Cb526, Thanks for your help!!!
Bye N have a nice day

I know what your saying teddy
when i was younger my mom used to call me things like "wicked child" and "evil boy".
I really didnt like it but there wasnt much i could do. Now that i am older though i realize that she is a dumb ***** and i dont see her very often.

Well there is as always no easy answer for your question but when I read you post the one thing that kept poping into my mind was my family. Weird heh, anyway back to the point. You can do what I did and just cut them loose. I have not spoke with my family since I moved out, a few years now and I do miss them but I know that being alone is better than all of the hell they put me through. I still love them and I have forgiven them for all of the pain and I would even die for one of them but I will not ever go back or even put myself anywhere near them because of all of the things they put me through. I want you to know that you are not alone and you can move on and better yourself, I am proof because I was on the brink of death and I almost succeded, but something made me go on and keep going even when I thought I could not take anymore I did and the more I took the better I became as a person and I use all of the pain and torment as my drive and you know what I realize now that I am better than them and that no matter what happens in the end I did what was right and I helped as many people as I could!

Teddy--

I just finished reading your post, and I'm not sure what to say. Just this:
don't bottle up your emotions inside, but don't lose all control. Talk to someone outside your home, maybe a school counselor. Do not feel embarrassed, because that's why they're there. Just let it all out, because you, your feelings and your safety are all very important.

I've read some of your posts and you have a lot of good things to say, and they are definitely worth hearing. You are worth it and you are important to the world. You were put here to be all you can be, and you have a lot of potential just waiting to come out. Don't throw it away. Get help. Talk to someone. Find someone who is willing to listen, because everyone's voice should be heard.

Just don't ever doubt yourself. You are very special, and your family may not realize it, but you can. Look inside yourself, and I think you will love what you see.

Peace out,
~Cb526